Question to ponder

[tigger22472]

Indiana

Here's something to ponder. In my state if a parent has no contact, and pays no support for one year their rights can be taken away and the child can be adopted. HOWEVER, the child can only be adopted to a STEP-PARENT who has been married to the bio-parent for one year or more. But, if the bio-parent isn't married and say wanted someone else to adopt and the other person is willing to take that responsibility they can't. My boyfriend and I have been together for over 2 years and my ex has nothing to do with my children. Single people adopt children from adoption agencies all the time. Even though my boyfriend is "legally" single what makes him any different then them? Does us being married make him a better parent???? I'm just rambling and in deep thought today.. Sorry

 

[CMSC]

Hey tigger, I agree with what you are saying but I think the courts look at the fact that there are two biological parents (even if they are not involved) as being better. I was told by the attorney I am a nanny for that the courts look at it this way, if two people are not married why should one of them be allowed to adopt the others child and then maybe the relationship would not work out and that child would have 2 parents (bio that gave them up and adopted) who are not apart of their lives. She says that the courts look on marriage as a form of stability! I know plenty of people who have dated for years and are more stable than most marriages!! I don't agree with this at all.
I do know that allowing single people to adopt is different that your boyfriend adopting your children because in the courts eyes if he were to be adopting a child that had no parents it would be okay but he wants to adopt a child that legally already has parents.
I think it is all a crock of crap...but the courts think it is okay. I surely would hope that one day you and your boyfriend would be given the chance to do this. I have a friend who was so frustrated with the law that she and her boyfriend after 5 years of dating decided to just go ahead and get married and then he got to adopt her daughter.
You could atleast petition the courts for a name change, it does not take away your ex's rights but it will maybe make him realize that he is being disassociated with them in a way.

 

[tigger22472]

The name change alone would work when it comes to some of the benefits but the state of Indiana won't allow it without the bio-fathers permission.... YEAH RIGHT... like he'd agree to that. I'm just on a government control issue today I guess. The states says it's ok for my boyfriend to food, cloth and shelter my child but he can't claim us on taxes or gain insurance on any of us. YET when trying to obtain legal help to try and get my ex to pay support or revoke visitation I am to include his income as household.
I understand the whole part about if this relationship wouldn't work then the kids have gone through it twice but on the other hand kids don't worry if we're married or not. Either way if we were to split in a child's eyes it would be like a divorce. With this senario, let's say my boyfriend and I do split up.... I go on government assistance adn you bet your butt my state will go after their "real" father then. However there is someone willing to take on that responsibility. Not that we've ever talked about splitting up but we've laughed that we couldnt' have another relationship because we are so close to each others kids. I don't see another person accepting that very easily. At least with the adoption for one if something happened to me I know my kids would be taken care of properly and for two they would receive all the benefits.

 

[CMSC]

I totally agree with you. My husband takes care of my children in every aspect but he can't adopt even if my ex were out of the picture becuase my state says my ex has to approve but I asked about the name change and I was told that I would not need his approval if I could prove that the name my children have carries a burden for them. I have that proof because everyone around here is familiar with the name and they always turn their nose up at my kids when I tell them the last name...hey I made a choice to sleep with someone I thought I knew don't drag my kids into it because their dads family has a bad rap sheet, they dont' and neither do I!
I am with you on this, I think it is ridiculous for one man to step in and take care of another man's children and to not have the state recognize this...makes you wish the state would pay back the man who steps in and then go after the NCP for the others expenses...maybe that would make bad NCP's more aware of how much someone else cares for their kids!