Quick question

[curious123]

What is the name of your state? NY

My paperwork states that "the children are to always spend Father's Day with the father and Mother's Day with the mother"...my ex seems to think that means only my younger two children and not my older child (who is 12) because it does not say 'all the children' and told me only 'if she wants to' which she has already told me and my wife she does but does not want to bump heads with her mother who will guilt trip her into not coming over. This happened last year for Father's Day and Thanksgiving and it looks as though it's going to happen again. Now my lawyer hasn't gotten back to me on this, and being that it is so near I was wondering how else I can inform her that I expect my daughter to be ready promptly at the time in the documents since I will already have my boys? A certified letter? And how should it be worded? Based on what I've read here a child can only make a 'decision' on visitation when she/he is 18, because I know that is going to be a serious issue for her once the custody process is formally initiated, so I am comforted by that at least. Any help will be appreciated. Thanks

 

[ceara19]

What is the name of your state? NY

My paperwork states that "the children are to always spend Father's Day with the father and Mother's Day with the mother"...my ex seems to think that means only my younger two children and not my older child (who is 12) because it does not say 'all the children' and told me only 'if she wants to' which she has already told me and my wife she does but does not want to bump heads with her mother who will guilt trip her into not coming over. This happened last year for Father's Day and Thanksgiving and it looks as though it's going to happen again. Now my lawyer hasn't gotten back to me on this, and being that it is so near I was wondering how else I can inform her that I expect my daughter to be ready promptly at the time in the documents since I will already have my boys? A certified letter? And how should it be worded? Based on what I've read here a child can only make a 'decision' on visitation when she/he is 18, because I know that is going to be a serious issue for her once the custody process is formally initiated, so I am comforted by that at least. Any help will be appreciated. Thanks

A certified letter would be a good start. It should be sent to dad and his attorney if he has one. If YOU did not want her to come, that's fine (it's MORALLY wrong though), but YOU are the only one that can make the decision.

Just explain that the child does NOT have a say in the matter and neither does mom and you expect her to be ready and waiting when you get there or face legal action.

 

[curious123]

I DO want her

I don't know why you'd think that I didnt want her to come over??? She wants to as well-she told me and my wife that she did- but is always faced with having to choose...and made to feel as though she is committing treason if she spends more time with me. I think she is coming more into her own way of thinking now and doesn't quite make her mother's ideas, comments etc as law, so she is more open to spending time with me, but would be happier if it were without the drama. I'm typing the letter right now- tell me what you think and if I should add anything else please

As per our order dated XXXX “…Father’s Day will always be for the father to visit with the children without regard to whose weekend the holiday occurs on.” For the past year due to an assumed misinterpretation of the term 'children' as opposed to 'all the children' I have not had my daughter on Father's Day and Thanksgiving. This is a formal request that my daughter be ready on Sunday at 9am as per this order.

More or less that is what it will state....thanks

 

[stealth2]

Screw the formal request crap.

"Dear Ex,

As per our order dated (date), Paragraph (whatever number it is), the children are to spend Father's Day with me. I will be picking the three of them up at X time - please ensure that they are ready to go.

Sincerely,

Dad"

 

[ceara19]

I don't know why you'd think that I didnt want her to come over??? She wants to as well-she told me and my wife that she did- but is always faced with having to choose...and made to feel as though she is committing treason if she spends more time with me. I think she is coming more into her own way of thinking now and doesn't quite make her mother's ideas, comments etc as law, so she is more open to spending time with me, but would be happier if it were without the drama. I'm typing the letter right now- tell me what you think and if I should add anything else please

As per our order dated XXXX “…Father’s Day will always be for the father to visit with the children without regard to whose weekend the holiday occurs on.” For the past year due to an assumed misinterpretation of the term 'children' as opposed to 'all the children' I have not had my daughter on Father's Day and Thanksgiving. This is a formal request that my daughter be ready on Sunday at 9am as per this order.

More or less that is what it will state....thanks

I wasn't implying that you didn't WANT her there, only that it would not be a violation of the court order if YOU chose not to take all of the kids during you time.

I think the suggested wording stealth gave is more then sufficient, but since mom has taken some of your visitation away in the past, I would also request an extra weekend (or even a few days after Father's day since it is summer) with ALL of the kids to make up for your lost time.

 

[curious123]

Thank you all

The letter has been sent out and I'm hoping that it works, though my daughter spoke to my wife today and said that she's busy on Sunday now so she 'won't be able to come over' *sigh* We have a beautiful day planned and she will really enjoy it, just as she usually does all the other times she comes over. Can anyone direct me to a statute # or anything regarding the age for children to choose whether they want to 'visit' or not? I've googled but have not gotten anything- Thanks again- I'm just really despondent right now...I mean I'm happy I'm at least getting the boys, but I DO have 3 children and I SHOULD be able to spend this special day with them ALL right? *sigh* Anything will be great right now-thanks again.

 

[ceara19]

The letter has been sent out and I'm hoping that it works, though my daughter spoke to my wife today and said that she's busy on Sunday now so she 'won't be able to come over' *sigh* We have a beautiful day planned and she will really enjoy it, just as she usually does all the other times she comes over. Can anyone direct me to a statute # or anything regarding the age for children to choose whether they want to 'visit' or not? I've googled but have not gotten anything- Thanks again- I'm just really despondent right now...I mean I'm happy I'm at least getting the boys, but I DO have 3 children and I SHOULD be able to spend this special day with them ALL right? *sigh* Anything will be great right now-thanks again.

You won't be able to find a law that states the age at which a child has control over visitation, because there isn't one. If mom or her attorney tries to tell you any different tell THEM to cite the statute that backs up what they are claiming!

 

[curious123]

Thank you

That's good to know...my daughter was telling my wife that she could have decided whether or not to come over since she was 10...I have NO clue where they got that from. I can't wait to get this custody order changed; things have gotten so bad- especially since I remarried- and now she is trying to really make it that I don't get to spend ANY time with my kids outside (barely) the visitation. It's all going to work out in the end though...it has to. Thanks for the responses and support.

 

[ceara19]

That's good to know...my daughter was telling my wife that she could have decided whether or not to come over since she was 10...I have NO clue where they got that from. I can't wait to get this custody order changed; things have gotten so bad- especially since I remarried- and now she is trying to really make it that I don't get to spend ANY time with my kids outside (barely) the visitation. It's all going to work out in the end though...it has to. Thanks for the responses and support.

Let me know how it goes. Women like your ex just really piss me off. I hate seeing a mother try and completely shut out a GOOD father that really wants to have a good, healthy relationship with his kids. That is the only thing I expected from my ex and he could never manage to do it. Your ex needs to wake up and realize how much she is screwing up her children's lives before it's too late.