Really pissed, opened letter from ex's attorney threatening legal action

[MichaCA]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

I just opened a letter from my ex's attorney. I am confused what is expected of me. In polite terms, its a threat to go to court if I am not acceptable.

This is the same situation (previous thread from couple ? months ago) around my wanting to go to court WHEN I CAN AFFORD for the specific purpose of getting permission from the judge to grant a custody evaluation update with our 'old' custody evaluator/clinical psychologist. I think our case has become complex enough, and the issues sticky enough, I don't know who else could handle it. As he has done a full out eval 7 years ago, and two updates since then...he at least has our background...and thus can see patterns and is very efficient. He would charge $2,000. I have asked my ex a couple of times, via email if he would be interested, and NO.

I do NOT want this case back in the hands of the court. They have butchered my daughter. I know thats a bit dramatic, but the excessive litigation and resulting decisions have often been absolutely horrid for her. Ex's attorney couldn't care less about her...the last time I was taken to court she had just bought a new model jaq.

My ex is very difficult. He's taken me to court, drawn out processes that my 30+ yrs experienced (ex) attorney says she has never seen the likes of. He is masterful at looking good in the eyes of the court, for the most part, and treating me like a piece of crap. Lately he has been proposing coparent counseling again. We have seen two coparent counselers over the years...one who is so in your face he is supposed to be short term and my attorney was shocked we continued with him for years (court ordered)...he finally quit us. A previous court order actually said that per our first coparent counselor, that "coparent counseling does not work for these parents" and recommended AGAINST it, but I pleaded with a family court mediator once for the in your face guy as I was desperate as daughter having problems, that have only grown since, with her father. The court over-ruled my ex and ordered it.

My ex does not follow this counselors recommendations. He does not try to coparent with me except in rare occasions. He really does not, I do not believe he is capable of conflict resolution, his style is blackmail. He does not see the error of his style. No one has been able to educate him. I do not wish to engage in a coparent counseling that 1. I simply cannot afford, and 2. unless ex starts showing some ability and willingness to coparent with me, which he does not. It is a complete waste of time and money.

Having said all that...I am upset...I do not know how to respond to this woman. Has he re-hired her? It doesn't say, but I got a notice some time back how he had released her. Perhaps its petty, but if he has not hired her...do I respond at all?

And when/if I respond, what do I say? Do I have to defend myself to her. As usual, she has masterfully painted me to be uncooperative, etc., etc. The requests are at least eight. One includes going back to the previous coparent counselor. Another is to get daughter into counseling again...she has just finished with her second one voluntarily, it did not work out.

Do I need to respond to each and every one? Just one or two liners? Much of it is BS...but basically they will probably be taking me to court and are getting my response so they can better prepare their stuff. His attorney is VERY litigious. While my previous attorney has been sympathetic to me and started allowing me to write my own responsive declarations because I have been through it so many times, no one has offered me practical support for going prose against this particular attorney. As one attorney said "his attorney has done a good job of convincing Judge ___ that you are a witch". He was absolutely shocked at what happened in court...and its like that every time.

I am happy to supply more details as to her letter, etc. This guy doesn't give me a break...about 10 emails the past 2 days...he just doesn't stop, ever. To be frank, I kind of get a hit why my daughter feels so much animosity...there is something missing in the guy...here it is 10 years later, and he can't just let go. He has to nitpick everything to death. (frankly, I am the one who should be taking him to court...but not so sure I want to tangle with his attorney around my issues with him and our daughter).

Do I just write her back, clarify whether or not she is his attorney now? Propose my desire of a custody eval update which will handle ALL issues brought up, including mine? RE the co-parent counseling, as a just off the top reason for not going back, that six out of eight issues brought up in her letter are issues father HAS NOT ONCE BROUGHT TO MY ATTENTION as issues? What is the point of thousands of dollars and the stress of coparent counseling if father refuses to utilize me as mom? Its a contradiction, one of many...that makes me wonder if he has borderline personality whatever, because he is truly crazymaking and is completely lacking in self-awareness, its all about control with him, but no one can prove that.

Thanks for listening to my tirade, MichaWhat is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[MichaCA]

Please help, simple question...how do I respond

Please help. I don't know how much to respond, etc. to this attorney! Thanks, Micha

 

[MichaCA]

Sorry, maybe its totally unclear. Its part questions and part a rant as to why I am upset about it.

Anyway, no I am not being served, but threatened. I got a letter from ex's attorney yesterday with eight issues. She is threatening court action. I simply am not sure how to respond as;

I thought my ex had signed off on his attorney. Is one supposed to be notified when they sign back on? I am asking as is this a ploy, or what?

So my questions are, me being pro se, is do I clarify whether she is his attorney or chunk that question?

How in depth am I supposed to respond to her accusations?

Part of my rave in previous post is my ex's request for coparent counselor with our last counselor. We have not seen him in over two years. He quit. Sent us both an email. But what gets me is five out of eight of the issues is ex has not brought those five issues up with me. That is coparenting. I have spent thousands of dollars I do not have for this counseling, with two counselors, for years. I gave it my best, I really did. My ex is upset I think because I am not giving him two things he wants, although thats not in the paperwork, I just know him now.

It galls me his attorney,my ex are requesting we go back to coparent counseling. (just one of 8 requests). Its a joke. Everyone around us for years sees its a joke. And dad is not trying to coparent with me. If I saw any progress, I would keep at it, somehow, but he makes zero progress.

I just don't know how to respond, and how much to lay out here.

Another part of my rant was that I AM wanting a custody evaluation update, and am considering just writing a brief reply on parts of the 8 points, and then saying I think a custody eval update is best for all. But that is $2000 and I do not have the money right now.

Thanks, Micha

 

[Ronin]

You should assume that the letter you received from your ex's attorney means she is indeed working for him.

It appears the bottom line of the attorneys letter is that they expect you to be agreeable to whatever was asked for in the letter. If not then they will take you back into court to resolve it. This attorney does not seem like she will give a hoot about your suggestions or compromises, and has a take or leave it stance. So unless you are willing to agree to their apparent ultimatum, its a good bet you will be back in court.

 

[futuredust]

Does your court order say you will go through mediation first?

If you don't agree with the demands then why wouldn't something simple like, "I am not in agreement on these issues or suggestions" work.

I wouldn't address the issues with the atty, the atty represents the ex, your explanations to them mean nothing. They are doing their job and seeking what your ex wants, they are not going to reason with you and negotiate, at least not usually. Hell they might use your own words against you should your ex actually proceed to court.

 

[stealth2]

"Dear Attorney,

I am in receipt of your letter dated XX/XX/XXXX and am not in agreement with the proposals outlined therein.

Sincerely,

MichaCA"

 

[MichaCA]

Thanks Ronin, I guess it was a no brainer but when this happens my mind twizzles out.

futuredust,

I am not wholly clear on the ? regarding does my court order say mediation first? I think what your saying is when we go to court does mediation happen first? Yes...once served we always go to mediation first. (and I am clear how to show up in there)

And thank you for your clear cut advice, part of my reticence on this end...his attorney is a "shark" attorney, she twists so many things...I do not trust her at all, so yes, I am afraid if I am honest and real...one of my biggest failings, is that one: I know she doesn't give a hoot about our daughters welfare so that deletes conversation right there and 2; I don't want to go ahead and give her my defense so she can just prepare how to use that against me (as you said)

Whats confusing is (alas my first post which is not clear) I have been thinking of taking this back to court myself. There has been much borderline abuse..in my opinion its downright child abuse but I can't prove it, neglect, lately a denial on dads part to allow me to call daughter at his home, and also just a massive headache every year around summer vacation. I wanted the custody evaluator to step back in. I want the custody evaluator to look at the abuse and neglect. I know the courts won't.

So question here, shouldn't I go ahead and tell her I want the custody evaluator? In a way it doesn't seem fair to just take them to court (say if I were to initiate it) with no conversation first.

My confusion as to how much to communicate stems from my last attorney of about five years. She is a peacemaker and would endlessly negotiate with his attorney. We never resolved anything that way. But she would try. (she did not represent me in court last time, but she charged me $1,000 just for conversations with me, processing my declaration, and talking to his attorney!!!)

So, I don't know the protocol for some level of communication with the other attorney, ie; I disagree with ____, however, I can propose ____. If I don't do THAT she will slam me in court for not being willing to cooperate or engage in any conversation to keep this out of court. You know the scene since your here!!!

Thanks for your imput.

 

[futuredust]

Then why not state, you do not agree with the proposal sent to you. But you would like to involve the custody evaluator as well as head to mediation. Maybe dad will move forward on that?

Or it could be he wanted her to send a letter of demands, just to see if you would agree, or to get you upset. This could just be a play, toss it all out and see what she says.. maybe she will give me part of what I want if she thinks I am taking her to court. Kind of thing..

You are not responding to the court, just his atty. So don't stress, make it short and simple, don't give them anything they can twist on you later.

My best to you.

 

[stealth2]

"Dear Attorney,

I am in receipt of your letter dated XX/XX/XXXX and am not in agreement with the proposals outlined therein.

However, I would be agreeable to either a custody evaluation or mediation.

Sincerely,

MichaCA"