bamamommy09
New member
What is the name of your state? Alabama. Who am I? I am Mom.
I recently took Dad to court for the sole purpose of cementing custody, in the process my lawyer brought up child support, and visitation. Dad and I were never married, nor have we ever lived with one another. In fact we both married others before the child was 2 years old. Dad was nearly 6k behind in child support as he has been on and off for the last 8 years. Dad jumps jobs as soon as 2-4 pay checks have child support to come out of them, he was also a couch jumper as well. At the time dad was married but was going from his wife's house, to his moms, his sisters, and his grandmothers, and apparently a trailer in the woods. Because of this I was concerned for my child where she'd be when she was with him. The child came back multiple times smelling, dirty, and hungry. The child explained to me that if dad took her to his house it was messy, covered in bugs, and could even see sewage as it flushed outside. Eventually dad faded out of her life and she began to act out. After about a month of no contact with dad, for reasons I do not know why, she lashed out at school so I sought a counselor. She began seeing and talking with someone and the concealer confirmed that the location dad took her was not suitable for a child. It was at this time I spoke to a lawyer about not making her go with dad anymore.
This lawyer told me I had every right to not make the child go if she did not wish to since there was no court order. Also because at the time dad was not paying child support the lawyer was sure he would get jail time. However my county moves incredibly slow,e it was nearly a year later before we were granted a court hearing. During this entire time dad never called or came by to see the child. At court he did not even ask for visitation. His lawyer kept saying my daughter's name wrong and calling me his ex-wife. I make it a point to state we were never married because dad does not have the same rights as if we were married. My lawyer did not back me up in the court. The concealer even came and spoke out in court about her going off with dad. Toward the end of the hearing the judge says that at we were to be done by 5 so his staff can leave. However I did not have any of my witnesses to speak but dad did. The judge ended up ordering us to take a divorcee class, to which I literally did not learn anything because it pertained to married couples.
Then our second court hearing happened. My own lawyer could not be there and the court refused to change dates for my lawyer(he had to be in a criminal case in another city) so in place they send some one who had not even seen the case till literally 5 minutes before court. I was steaming.
During this court seating the judge chewed dad out for wearing shorts in his court room, but he smoothly said it was because he was coming from work. The judge kept saying to me that since it was Me that caused this I should go first. I didn't have a good enough reason for my child not to go see him, having a fitly home and neglecting her health care was not suffice enough for the court in Alabama. I addressed that he had told our child he would call her daily but has only stayed to that promise 20% of the time as my logs proved. Then he has passed off the responsibility of contact to the 9year old. Dad has also gotten remarried to a new girl who has 4 small kids of her own, and one between them on the way. If you add my child and his second child from the latter marriage that is a total of 9 heartbeats living in a 2 bed 2 bath home. Dad openly admitted to the judge that all the kids in the house are currently sleeping on cots...oh but we are looking for a bigger place. His new wife conveniently quite her job just days before court so that he is now the only provider for their home. I begged dad on the stand that if you promise to be some where or to do something than you HAVE to do it. I was close to tears because I knew that the judge had already made his mind up. But I needed it on record that I asked him to please stand by his word. Dad just rolled his eyes.
His lawyer asked me if Dad and I had ever divorced. I again told him we had never divorced. The judge said, so you mean to say ya'll were never married, yes sir we never married, or lived together. The judge then asked me if I had married. Yes sir this man with me today. How long have ya'll been married? Nearly 9 years. And he gave a look of surprise. I was asked of my martial stance but my stand-in lawyer would not ask dad about his, which FYI this is his 3rd marriage in 8 years. I knew that this judge was a bit..biblical and having a divorce didn't look good to him. But my stand-in would not ask dad about it and I do not understand.
At the end of court day I was defeated. The judge said plainly that the visitation would eventually be standard and I understood that. Dad was warned to not miss his child support yet again or there would be a list of court hearings that might eventually lead to jail time. I feel that he was let go with out any consequence to his lack of responsibility. I feel very jaded by my lawyer.
My questions are;/
1-was this legal of my lawyer to send a unprepared stand-in on my second court hearing?
2-why does dad keep getting away with not having to pay all of the court ordered child support?
3-dad has even agreed that the child should stay at his grandmothers when she visits because there is no room. Doesn't that count for something?
I recently took Dad to court for the sole purpose of cementing custody, in the process my lawyer brought up child support, and visitation. Dad and I were never married, nor have we ever lived with one another. In fact we both married others before the child was 2 years old. Dad was nearly 6k behind in child support as he has been on and off for the last 8 years. Dad jumps jobs as soon as 2-4 pay checks have child support to come out of them, he was also a couch jumper as well. At the time dad was married but was going from his wife's house, to his moms, his sisters, and his grandmothers, and apparently a trailer in the woods. Because of this I was concerned for my child where she'd be when she was with him. The child came back multiple times smelling, dirty, and hungry. The child explained to me that if dad took her to his house it was messy, covered in bugs, and could even see sewage as it flushed outside. Eventually dad faded out of her life and she began to act out. After about a month of no contact with dad, for reasons I do not know why, she lashed out at school so I sought a counselor. She began seeing and talking with someone and the concealer confirmed that the location dad took her was not suitable for a child. It was at this time I spoke to a lawyer about not making her go with dad anymore.
This lawyer told me I had every right to not make the child go if she did not wish to since there was no court order. Also because at the time dad was not paying child support the lawyer was sure he would get jail time. However my county moves incredibly slow,e it was nearly a year later before we were granted a court hearing. During this entire time dad never called or came by to see the child. At court he did not even ask for visitation. His lawyer kept saying my daughter's name wrong and calling me his ex-wife. I make it a point to state we were never married because dad does not have the same rights as if we were married. My lawyer did not back me up in the court. The concealer even came and spoke out in court about her going off with dad. Toward the end of the hearing the judge says that at we were to be done by 5 so his staff can leave. However I did not have any of my witnesses to speak but dad did. The judge ended up ordering us to take a divorcee class, to which I literally did not learn anything because it pertained to married couples.
Then our second court hearing happened. My own lawyer could not be there and the court refused to change dates for my lawyer(he had to be in a criminal case in another city) so in place they send some one who had not even seen the case till literally 5 minutes before court. I was steaming.
During this court seating the judge chewed dad out for wearing shorts in his court room, but he smoothly said it was because he was coming from work. The judge kept saying to me that since it was Me that caused this I should go first. I didn't have a good enough reason for my child not to go see him, having a fitly home and neglecting her health care was not suffice enough for the court in Alabama. I addressed that he had told our child he would call her daily but has only stayed to that promise 20% of the time as my logs proved. Then he has passed off the responsibility of contact to the 9year old. Dad has also gotten remarried to a new girl who has 4 small kids of her own, and one between them on the way. If you add my child and his second child from the latter marriage that is a total of 9 heartbeats living in a 2 bed 2 bath home. Dad openly admitted to the judge that all the kids in the house are currently sleeping on cots...oh but we are looking for a bigger place. His new wife conveniently quite her job just days before court so that he is now the only provider for their home. I begged dad on the stand that if you promise to be some where or to do something than you HAVE to do it. I was close to tears because I knew that the judge had already made his mind up. But I needed it on record that I asked him to please stand by his word. Dad just rolled his eyes.
His lawyer asked me if Dad and I had ever divorced. I again told him we had never divorced. The judge said, so you mean to say ya'll were never married, yes sir we never married, or lived together. The judge then asked me if I had married. Yes sir this man with me today. How long have ya'll been married? Nearly 9 years. And he gave a look of surprise. I was asked of my martial stance but my stand-in lawyer would not ask dad about his, which FYI this is his 3rd marriage in 8 years. I knew that this judge was a bit..biblical and having a divorce didn't look good to him. But my stand-in would not ask dad about it and I do not understand.
At the end of court day I was defeated. The judge said plainly that the visitation would eventually be standard and I understood that. Dad was warned to not miss his child support yet again or there would be a list of court hearings that might eventually lead to jail time. I feel that he was let go with out any consequence to his lack of responsibility. I feel very jaded by my lawyer.
My questions are;/
1-was this legal of my lawyer to send a unprepared stand-in on my second court hearing?
2-why does dad keep getting away with not having to pay all of the court ordered child support?
3-dad has even agreed that the child should stay at his grandmothers when she visits because there is no room. Doesn't that count for something?
