Recommendations are in.

[cmykds]

What is the name of your state? WI

I just got the recommendations in the mail yesterday from the GAL and Custody Evaluator.

They note in there, about my ex's husband recently being arrested for Domestic Abuse, they note in there about neither of them working, they note in there how many times they have moved, that they are currently residing with her father in-law in a 2 bedroom apartment (they have 4 kids counting my 2, 1 they had together, and he has 1 from a past relationship) etc.

There are also several mistakes in the evaluatation as far as dates it says she moved to TX in December 2005 and returned the children December 2005, when in fact she moved in October 2005 and was ordered back in December 2005. It also states that she is currently residing in the same county as I, which is false, she lives 3 counties away almost an hour drive.

Because neither parent can work together regarding decision making on behalf of the children they recommend JOINT CUSTODY, because if one parent has sole the other parent would not be kept informed???? Huh? What kind of sense does that make. We had joint custody before, and I was NEVER kept informed about anything, she moved out of state without telling me for crying out loud... My ex can't even make responsible decisions for herself right now, how can she for 2 children?

They also recommend physical placement be every other week, our daughter will be starting school next fall, no mention whatsoever of that, so what we have to go back to court and do this all over again, in a year??? Are they out of their minds. Or what is she supposed to have 2 schools in 2 counties she attends every other week, I swear they have a couple of screws loose.

I have until July 1st to write a written response either agreeing or disagreeing with the recommendations, I'm going to be going through tonight with a fine tooth comb, and addressing all of my concerns, as well as all of the errors.

Anyone have any suggestions?

 

[rmet4nzkx]

What is the name of your state? WI

I just got the recommendations in the mail yesterday from the GAL and Custody Evaluator.

They note in there, about my ex's husband recently being arrested for Domestic Abuse, they note in there about neither of them working, they note in there how many times they have moved, that they are currently residing with her father in-law in a 2 bedroom apartment (they have 4 kids counting my 2, 1 they had together, and he has 1 from a past relationship) etc.

There are also several mistakes in the evaluatation as far as dates it says she moved to TX in December 2005 and returned the children December 2005, when in fact she moved in October 2005 and was ordered back in December 2005. It also states that she is currently residing in the same county as I, which is false, she lives 3 counties away almost an hour drive.

Because neither parent can work together regarding decision making on behalf of the children they recommend JOINT CUSTODY, because if one parent has sole the other parent would not be kept informed???? Huh? What kind of sense does that make. We had joint custody before, and I was NEVER kept informed about anything, she moved out of state without telling me for crying out loud... My ex can't even make responsible decisions for herself right now, how can she for 2 children?

They also recommend physical placement be every other week, our daughter will be starting school next fall, no mention whatsoever of that, so what we have to go back to court and do this all over again, in a year??? Are they out of their minds. Or what is she supposed to have 2 schools in 2 counties she attends every other week, I swear they have a couple of screws loose.

I have until July 1st to write a written response either agreeing or disagreeing with the recommendations, I'm going to be going through tonight with a fine tooth comb, and addressing all of my concerns, as well as all of the errors.

Anyone have any suggestions?

That is why you have the opportunity to respond, to correct or point out errors, to make proposals. Since this is split custody perhaps you can ask that you have primary placement due to mom's flight risk, that the children attend school in your school district, you will have to find reasons that your school district is better for the children, show how it is in their best interest, then mom will have to find a way to tansport the children pick them up from you, and you pick them up from her. Perhaps you might ask that mom and husband attend anger management/parenting classes. It would be very wise for you to retain an attorney to assist with response to this reccommendation.

 

[Zephyr]

cmykids- -can you enable your pm's? I'm in WI too and may be able to refer you to some people that I have found to be helpful.

 

[cmykds]

cmykids- -can you enable your pm's? I'm in WI too and may be able to refer you to some people that I have found to be helpful.

You should be able to PM me now!! Thank you!

 

[Zephyr]

You should be able to PM me now!! Thank you!

check your pm's

 

[cmykds]

New Info

Ok on May 24 during a meeting with the GAL and Custody Evaluator we tentively agree to a placement schedule between me and my ex until this matter goes to court, we agreed to every other week, she currently has no court ordered visitation rights, and I have temp sole custody. Since than my ex's husband was arrested for domestic violence against my ex, I'm told this has nothing to do with the kids since they were not there at the time. Anyway my ex has also refused to let me speak to our daughter during scheduled phone calls always making some exucse, she's grumpy, she's sleeping, etc. She has yet to return a weeks worth of clothing that she was told to do so by the GAL. When I pick them up my daughter suddenly is acting deathly afraid of me obviously over whatever she is telling them during her visits. Finally last week when I called to tell her when I'd be picking up the kids and her telling me I would not be getting them, was the last straw. I had sent a letter out to all parties involved, stating I would no longer be allowing her visitation citing all of the above, until proper court proceedures are followed and a court order is in place.

Today I receive a letter from the evaluator and the GAL saying that I HAVE to follow this agreement absent any court orders. Is this true? How can they force me to do something when the current order I have states until further order from the court. Are they allowed to give orders on behalf of the court? Am I missing something here??? What if I don't allow her visits? How can I get in trouble when there is no court order allowing visits?

 

[Zephyr]

Ok on May 24 during a meeting with the GAL and Custody Evaluator we tentively agree to a placement schedule between me and my ex until this matter goes to court, we agreed to every other week, she currently has no court ordered visitation rights, and I have temp sole custody. Since than my ex's husband was arrested for domestic violence against my ex, I'm told this has nothing to do with the kids since they were not there at the time. Anyway my ex has also refused to let me speak to our daughter during scheduled phone calls always making some exucse, she's grumpy, she's sleeping, etc. She has yet to return a weeks worth of clothing that she was told to do so by the GAL. When I pick them up my daughter suddenly is acting deathly afraid of me obviously over whatever she is telling them during her visits. Finally last week when I called to tell her when I'd be picking up the kids and her telling me I would not be getting them, was the last straw. I had sent a letter out to all parties involved, stating I would no longer be allowing her visitation citing all of the above, until proper court proceedures are followed and a court order is in place.

Today I receive a letter from the evaluator and the GAL saying that I HAVE to follow this agreement absent any court orders. Is this true? How can they force me to do something when the current order I have states until further order from the court. Are they allowed to give orders on behalf of the court? Am I missing something here??? What if I don't allow her visits? How can I get in trouble when there is no court order allowing visits?

the absolute biggest thing is you do not want to do ANYTHING that ticks off or makes you look bad to the GAL....rather than sending off your hot missive, it may have been a better approach to have contacted the GAL and explain the situation and ask for some direction, you can stil do this, apologize for the letter, explain the situation and move on.

 

[cmykds]

the absolute biggest thing is you do not want to do ANYTHING that ticks off or makes you look bad to the GAL....rather than sending off your hot missive, it may have been a better approach to have contacted the GAL and explain the situation and ask for some direction, you can stil do this, apologize for the letter, explain the situation and move on.

I did do this neither of them returned my calls. I called them and left 2 messages on the 9th and again on the 13th no response... So that's when I wrote the letter, mailed it last Thursday night. That has been one of the biggest problems, the do not communicate with me but everytime I talk to my ex she is like well so and so called me today and.... They almost seem to be (even during our meetings) advising her on what to do. They do not seem to be being impatial at all..

 

[CJane]

They almost seem to be (even during our meetings) advising her on what to do. They do not seem to be being impatial at all..

I've asked you in previous threads how you think the GAL is 'advising' her and you've not answered.

If your ex calls the GAL and says "I need some guidance about X" it's prefectly allowable for the GAL to advise her. Our GAL gave me a list of questions she wanted the kids' step-mom asked in her deposition, advised me on how to handle communication with my ex, how to handle different situations with the kids, etc. In fact, I think one reason I won my court battle is because I sought the advice and counsel of the GAL on several occasions - it is, after all her job to determine what's in the children's best interest... and a concerned parent who respects the authority and wisdom of the court and court appointed advocates is going to be higher on the totem pole than the parent who issues directives.

 

[cmykds]

I've asked you in previous threads how you think the GAL is 'advising' her and you've not answered.

If your ex calls the GAL and says "I need some guidance about X" it's prefectly allowable for the GAL to advise her. Our GAL gave me a list of questions she wanted the kids' step-mom asked in her deposition, advised me on how to handle communication with my ex, how to handle different situations with the kids, etc. In fact, I think one reason I won my court battle is because I sought the advice and counsel of the GAL on several occasions - it is, after all her job to determine what's in the children's best interest... and a concerned parent who respects the authority and wisdom of the court and court appointed advocates is going to be higher on the totem pole than the parent who issues directives.

In our meetings she'll (the GAL) tell her things like it would be a good idea for you to go tour their day care, or maybe you should have a peditrician in your area see the kids, she has called my ex to give her extra time to provide copies of information they may have asked for, just absolutely everything throughout this entire process, they have held her hand and sugar coated everything for her with me when they request something they are very stern and out right bitchy, you better do this, or we need this by tomorrow no exceptions... I have had to pay to get copies of HER police reports to provide to them, because they did not request her to get them only me to get mine, so they weren't going to look at them, she commited domestic against me 3 times she as arrested and charged, but that was irrelivent to them. When I do call them to seek advice as you say they do not return my phone calls. My ex has done NOTHING that they have asked of her, they requested copies of her drivers license over 2 months ago, she still has not provided that, she has never gone to their day care and only called there once.

The GAL hasn't even called their day care, they have not done a thoughrough review, period... How is it in the best interest of a child to have 50/50 placement with someone who is basically homeless, has no job, an abusive household, no vehicle, no telephone (well she has a pre-pay cell phone that is usually not working). Do I agree that it is important for the kids to have a relationship with their mother? Of course. But they also need stability, not to be carted from here to there daily, sleeping on the floor sometimes at their grandma's, sometimes at a friends, sometimes at ex's father in-law's.

They have "lived" back here now since the end of April/first week of May. Do you mean to tell me they haven't been able to find a job yet? Come on, you have kids go work at McDonalds.
I have submited a parenting plan outlining our future plans the school the kids will be attending, it covers everything I could possibly think of my ex has no plans, she even stated in one of our meeting "I don't know where I'm going to be living next month, let alone next year". They parenting plan I submitted they tossed asigned and I was told by both the evaluator and the GAL "We've seen parenting plans before, and we don't care about that". Everything that I have done over the past 6-7 months since having the kids, activities they've been involved in, the progress they have made in day care, anything and everything I have done I have been told those types of things aren't important, ot it's just day care, or well it's really easy to make yourself look good in a short amount of time...

You've told me on here before that my "additude" is going to cost me. Yeah I come on here and am basically pissed about the situation, seeking advice as weel as venting a little, think what you want but I do not act hostile or have an additude when speaking with these people. I am an adult and I know how to carry myself and act around others. The fact of the matter is I am a father who loves my children with all of my heart and want what is best for them. I have been jumping through hurdles and encountering road block after road bloack having my visitation interfeared with time and time again, for the past 2 years, all because and I'm sorry to say but it is true, all because I didn't want to marry my ex, because I knew the relationship had run it's course and we were both miserable together. Now that she has married she wants to pretend I don't exisit and setup house with her husband. I have been threatend by her husbands family while picking my kids up for visits, and the harrasment was to the extend that I had to take a police escort with me to pick up and drop of my kids every weekend from late July 2005 to the end of October 2005 when she took off and moved over 1000 miles away without notifying anyone. then I'm told by the police department for 2 months that it's a civil matter and they can't do anything when I was trying to locate my kids, finally after doing a ton of research and actually going to the police station with state statutes in hand they finally took things seriously and found her and the kids.

Sorry so long but like I said this women has put me through so much, so, so much... I have done so much to stay in my kids lives. But I am basically being told now that everything she did while it wasn't ok still doesn't matter because it was in the past. And nothing I have done currently is important and everything that she has done recently doesn't matter because it doesn't involve my kids. It makes no sense and is not right at all...

 

[stealth2]

Come on, you have kids go work at McDonalds.

One comment on this... It's not always as easy when you have the kids living with you. Retail and service establishments are open late. And newbies often get stuck with the undesireable hours - in other words - night shift. Not always easy when you have kids. And you can bet the "other" parent (CP OR NCP) would be screaming about how s/he's not with the kids at night. So in some ways, it's a catch-22.

 

[cmykds]

One comment on this... It's not always as easy when you have the kids living with you. Retail and service establishments are open late. And newbies often get stuck with the undesireable hours - in other words - night shift. Not always easy when you have kids. And you can bet the "other" parent (CP OR NCP) would be screaming about how s/he's not with the kids at night. So in some ways, it's a catch-22.

yeah I guess you are right, but I still think that between the 2 of them, at least one of them could have found some kind of a job by now...

 

[stealth2]

But it is not his job to do anything to help support your kids. That's the reality.

 

[cmykds]

But it is not his job to do anything to help support your kids. That's the reality.

I realize that I guess I was just more trying to point out the lifestyle that they are choosing to live, and being unemployed with 4 children between them, having no home, etc, etc. To me is not in the best interest of the kids to have 50/50 placement.

 

[WA_DAD]

Welcome to mothers court**************

I did do this neither of them returned my calls. I called them and left 2 messages on the 9th and again on the 13th no response... So that's when I wrote the letter, mailed it last Thursday night. That has been one of the biggest problems, the do not communicate with me but everytime I talk to my ex she is like well so and so called me today and.... They almost seem to be (even during our meetings) advising her on what to do. They do not seem to be being impatial at all..

This is what it's like for fathers in family court/aka mothers court. No matter what people on here say, or anywhere else about, the courts are always fair, is BS. They are ALWAYS on the mothers side, no matter what. Or they give them chance upon chance upon chance, of course it's all in the best interest of the children. Yeah right, nothing but biased BS cause they are the mothers. Feminism is great aint it? Talk about grooming the courts in the last 50 years.

Better get used to the program, fathers have to work for their rights. Even then it's not in your favor.