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recouping lawyer's fees after being sued by ex-gf

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merlinxxx

Member
What is the name of your state? New Jersey

Hi. My ex-wife and I were sued by my ex-girlfriend, who wanted to become "a psychological parent" to our daughter, even though we were both against it. The judge dismissed the case in the hearing, and we have an order stating the ex-gf has to stay away from our daughter now. That's a victory, but we still have a large lawyer's bill to pay. We feel that the plaintiff should pay this. Is there a way to apply for recouping the fees that doesn't require paying MORE lawyer's fees? Is there a way to do this ourselves? How? Thank you.
 


Taxing Matters

Overtaxed Member
Two things about this. First, the general rule in the U.S. is that each party pays his/her own legal fees and cannot recoup those fees from the opposing party in the case. There are three main exceptions to that rule.
  • The first is in contract cases if the contract between the parties says that the loser pays the winner's legal fees then of course the winner can enforce that contract provision, assuming the contract itself is enforceable. That obviously does not help you here.
  • The second exception is where a statute (which lawyers call a fee shifting statute) specifically allows for recovery of legal fees by the winner. For example, often in consumer rights laws there are provisions allowing the consumer to get compensated for the legal fees he or she spent if the consumer wins the case.
  • The third exception is that courts will sometimes award legal fees as part of sanctions against a party who filed a truly frivolous lawsuit.
So you are likely going to have find a statute that says in this kind of case you are entitled to seek the legal fees or seek to get the fees awarded as a sanction against her.

The second thing here, however, is that typically you must claim the legal fees in the same case that caused you to incur those fees. If that case is now closed it might be too late to put in that claim. You might want to ask the lawyer that represented you whether you have any good shot to pursue to get those fees paid.
 

merlinxxx

Member
Thank you. I don't know why the lawyer didn't already make this claim. She says she can now file a "motion to amend the record", but I have no way of knowing if this might be worth it — how much it would cost, what the odds are, etc. And even asking her that question... will cost more money. Is this something I might be able to do on my own?
 

justalayman

Senior Member
Thank you. I don't know why the lawyer didn't already make this claim. She says she can now file a "motion to amend the record", but I have no way of knowing if this might be worth it — how much it would cost, what the odds are, etc. And even asking her that question... will cost more money. Is this something I might be able to do on my own?
Read the three main exceptions that taxing matters posted.

Your odds of recovering your legal fees are very poor if existent at all. Not only have you not shown any basis that would allow you to claim your legal fees, since the case is closed you would have to somehow reopen the case. Simply amending a record is not the path because this is not merely an amending of the record. You would be seeking additional action within the suit which means the other party also would have a right to defend your claim. Of course all of this is going to cost time or money or both, and you still need s legal basis to be able to claim your fees, which doesn’t appear to be present. In fact, if you try this, the other party may have a claim against you for their legal fees based on you being sanctioned for filing frivolous actions.


While it doesn’t seem fair, this this is how our legal system works.
 

merlinxxx

Member
Thanks again. I think the only legal basis we have would be the third point: "sanctions against a party who filed a truly frivolous lawsuit." I don't know the legal definition of frivolous in this context, but the judge strongly reprimanded the plaintiff and signed an order against her. Whether or not that qualifies as frivolous, I can't say.
 

justalayman

Senior Member
Frivolous is basically referring to a situation where it is clear the plaintiff had no legal basis for their suit. I can’t speak to the action filed so I can’t say it is the case in your situation. If there had been a relationship develop between the former girlfriend and the child that one could argue would be in the best interest of the child to continue, there is likely a basis for the suit, even if it was very likely she would lose.

Regardless, you can’t simply amend the record with seeking the judge to impose a judgment against the plaintiff for your fees because it isn’t something merely overlooked by the judge. It isn’t an error based on oversight or simply missing something. You would have to make a claim based on a valid legal theory. The plaintiff/counter respondent would have a right to defend your claim. This is something that would have to be heard by the courts and ruled on based on the evidence each would present for the specific issue. You didn’t make a claim for your fees so can’t simply ask the judge to now include those fees in the order.
 

merlinxxx

Member
OK, got it, this is very helpful. Thank you.

I suppose my next question is: why didn't the lawyer do this before? I brought up this question several times before the hearing, and her answer was: we'll take it care of it if & when the judge dismisses the case. From the sound of it, we should've have asked for this sooner?
 

justalayman

Senior Member
I can’t speak for your attorney. That is something you need to address with them.

Yes, it is something that should have been addressed sooner. It should have been the first words out of your attorneys mouth after the judge stated they were dismissing the case, before the gavel struck the sound block.

Even if one asks for legal costs after notice of the outcome of the case, such as what your attorney was suggesting, you ask it at the hearing/trial. Once the case is resolved, that’s pretty much the end of things unless the court made an error that needs to be corrected. Since you didn’t request your legal costs during the trial, there was no error in not addressing the issue.

If requested at the appropriate time, the other party would have the opportunity to refute your claim. Attempting to slip this in as some amendment to the order removes that right.
 

Taxing Matters

Overtaxed Member
Is this something I might be able to do on my own?
You could, if you have a good basis for seeking the fees and know how to reopen the case to ask for that, assuming that it is not too late now to do so. But my guess is that if you knew how to do that you would not be here asking this very question. Each states laws and procedures are a bit different, and so far as I know no NJ attorney participates here to tell you exactly how to proceed. In general you'd file a motion asking for the fees and in the motion lay out the reasons why you are entitled to the fees, but the devil is in the details of it. One of the big issues at this point is whether it is now too late to ask for the fees. You likely need to act pretty quickly after the court's decision to avoid losing out when the judgment becomes final.
 
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not2cleverRed

Obvious Observer
Thanks again. I think the only legal basis we have would be the third point: "sanctions against a party who filed a truly frivolous lawsuit." I don't know the legal definition of frivolous in this context, but the judge strongly reprimanded the plaintiff and signed an order against her. Whether or not that qualifies as frivolous, I can't say.
While the whole idea of "Psychological Parent" sounds a bit silly, NJ law does allow for such a thing.

So, in order to be "frivolous" you would have to show that there was no legal merit; no reason for the ex-girlfriend to assert there was such a bond. We don't know your situation. We don't know if this was one blind date gone bad (frivolous), or someone you lived with for years (not frivolous). This would have been a good thing for you to discuss with your lawyer during the thick of things.

Congratulations, and let's hope the ex-girlfriend abides by the order to not contact your daughter. If not, report violations to the police. This must be stressful to both you and your ex-wife.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
What is the name of your state? New Jersey

Hi. My ex-wife and I were sued by my ex-girlfriend, who wanted to become "a psychological parent" to our daughter, even though we were both against it. The judge dismissed the case in the hearing, and we have an order stating the ex-gf has to stay away from our daughter now. That's a victory, but we still have a large lawyer's bill to pay. We feel that the plaintiff should pay this. Is there a way to apply for recouping the fees that doesn't require paying MORE lawyer's fees? Is there a way to do this ourselves? How? Thank you.
Your ex girlfriend was not suing to become a psychological parent, she was attempting to sue for visitation or some form of custody on the basis that she was a psychological parent. Clearly the judge did not buy that argument in her case. However, the whole issue of a psychological parent is not uncommon. It mostly refers to situations where the person in question has acted as a psychological parent to a child when that child's actual parents were not in the picture for a significant period of time.

Clearly, both you and your ex wife have not been missing during any significant portion of your child's life, and that is why your ex girlfriend's attempt at visitation failed dismally...as it should have.

However, that does not necessarily make it a truly frivolous suit...and if your attorney believed that it was, then your attorney would have asked for her to pay the legal fees during the case.

Also, is it actually realistic that she would have the money to pay your attorney fees? Sometimes the cost of going after something like that isn't worth it if there is no way that the person could ever pay the fees.

Also, be more careful who you date/move in with next time. Anyone who does not fully respect your ex-wife's position as your children's mother is someone to seriously avoid. Anyone who tries to show themselves as a better maternal figure than your children's mother is someone to avoid as well.
 

merlinxxx

Member
Thanks everyone for your responses.

Congratulations, and let's hope the ex-girlfriend abides by the order to not contact your daughter. If not, report violations to the police. This must be stressful to both you and your ex-wife.
Thank you — but she hasn't been complying. The order states that she's not allowed to attempt any contact with our daughter, in person, online, or via social media. And yet the ex-gf has been posting to an Instagram account she created specifically to send messages to her. The posts are public but directly address our daughter (who isn't aware of the account). I'm not sure if public posts are a violation of the order. We showed this to the police but they weren't interested and said they couldn't help.

Also, be more careful who you date/move in with next time. Anyone who does not fully respect your ex-wife's position as your children's mother is someone to seriously avoid. Anyone who tries to show themselves as a better maternal figure than your children's mother is someone to avoid as well.
I do appreciate the legal advice but the personal shaming and scolding is out of line. You do not know the history of this case and I did not ask for personal advice. This is inappropriate.

We don't know if this was one blind date gone bad (frivolous), or someone you lived with for years (not frivolous). This would have been a good thing for you to discuss with your lawyer during the thick of things.
I repeatedly asked my lawyer about steps to take to recoup our fees before the hearing. Her response was that we'd do this afterwards — which I now understand to be problematic at best. What do you do in a case where it looks like your lawyer didn't act in your best interest?

Thanks again.
 

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