Refusing supervised visits/adoption

[Becki C.]

state: tennessee

i posted on this site a few days ago with "ncp inappropriate behavior with child". my husband's ex and ex-mother-in-law said and did some highly inappropriate things durings visitations with my step-daughter. step-daughter's therapist issued a letter to our attorney stating she recommended supervised visits be removed from the ex-mother-in-law's home to the exchange club (a facility that supervises visits for ncp's). my husband's ex received this letter on thurs. of last week and called my cell pone leaving a voicemail message stating she would in "no way visit" her kids at the exchange club. she called our attorney and the exchange club and told them this as well. i know it's out of spite for my husband and myself as she stated in her message to me she "refuses to bow down to" my husband's "commands" of where she must visit the children. my husband's ex is also in arrears to the tune of more than $20,000.00
i had my ex's parental rights terminated due to his failure to "willfully visit and/or willfully pay child support for four consecutive months". my step-daughter wants me to adopt her, but here are my questions:

1. if my husband's ex fails to visit for four consecutive months, should we send her a letter telling her that if she does not immediately make arrangments at the exchange club to pursue visitation that i intend to begin adoption proceedings or should we just file the petition and let it show up through a process server on her front doorstep?
2. are we obligated to give her "one more chance" at visitation or should we just pursue what we want to do and the hell with her?

 

[tigger22472]

1. if my husband's ex fails to visit for four consecutive months, should we send her a letter telling her that if she does not immediately make arrangments at the exchange club to pursue visitation that i intend to begin adoption proceedings or should we just file the petition and let it show up through a process server on her front doorstep?

That decision is up to you and your husband. Personally I think I would just let her be served but that's just me. It depends on how you feel about it. I mean if you think by warning her she will engage in a relationship with her child and the child will benefit then yes warn her. If she's already having supervised visits the it somehow means that the judge didn't feel she was proper to care for the child on her own so maybe a relationship isn't the best thing for the child but I don't know as I don't know enough about your situation.


2. are we obligated to give her "one more chance" at visitation or should we just pursue what we want to do and the hell with her?

IMO you can only hold their hands for so long. At some point they need to make these choices and mistakes on their own... BTDT. I would just go with the other answer I gave..lol As you know with your own child that no matter how you slice it biology is never erased so she'll always be her biological mother. We recently did a TPR/ step-parent adoption and we did it more for legalities. If I were to die my kids now don't lose their home or the one man that's been a male role model for them. I guess you and your husband have to ask yourselves those questions too.
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[snostar]

2. are we obligated to give her "one more chance" at visitation or should we just pursue what we want to do and the hell with her?

Your obligated to follow the current order until or unless it is changed. That means making the child available for the visits. Document everything, and make sure that the exchange club also keeps records of the missed visits.