Relocating

[rockie421]

I have sole legal custody of my three children. Last May - My husband left and moved in with his girlfriend a year ago, at which time he told me that he did not want to see the kids for one full year. We were divorced after 7 months. His girlfriend/fiance is due to deliver her baby on May 14th. During the last few months, he has seen the children for a few hrs at a time. He has spent 2 full days and 1 weekend with them in the past year. He does not want specified visitation rights, he wants them only when he has time. I have since moved on with my life, I am dating a wonderful man, he is great with the children, and we plan to get married. On several occasions while the children were with him, he has asked them questions that make them uncomfortable, like do I sleep with my boyfriend. He has even gone as far as to tell them that I am a whore, imagine explaining that to my 9 yr old. I work very hard and I am do my best to instill, correct values in my childen. Up until recently I have been able to maintain my home any make a comfortable life for the kids, however recently my company made a motion for me to relocate and maintain my salary level or remain in NJ at a $12,000. pay cut. My boyfriend lives in CA, prior to this nes it was his intent that we reside in NJ, but since my Company has offered me the option to maintain my income in the CA. It makes sense to do this. The children and I recently visited my boyfriend in California and fell in love with it. I have kept my ex-husband abreast of the pending change in my income and location. Now he is planning to put a motion in place to stop me from moving. What do I do?

 

[VeronicaGia]

He has every right to file a motion to stop you from moving thousands of miles away with his children. This may be perceived by the court as you not fostering a relationship between the bio-dad and kids, and that is one of the jobs of a CP.

This does not mean he will win his request, but let me ask you this. If he had custody and decided to move thousands of miles away, would you try to stop him? Who will pay the travel costs for the kids to go back and forth thousands of miles? How will the kids handle traveling back and forth? Or are you assuming the NCP will have to go back and forth, paying for planes, hotels, cars, etc?

I'm not trying to slam you, but it sounds like neither of you are putting your children first.

 

[rockie421]

Help!

I understand what you're saying, however there is more and it pains me write this, but it is the only outlet I have. The abuse by my ex is as such now that my children are afraid of him. He has said things to them like he is going to kill me or disfigure me. I have come home only to find out that he has been in my home. We currenlt reside in the same town. He is a cop and I have no protection from him. He has threaten that if I get a restraining order against him, he will finish me. My attorney has told me to maintain at least communication with him, so that he remains calm. I recently found out from my step daughter, his child from his first marriage, the he came to their home and stangled his 16 yr old until he lost conciousness.

Now If we stay in NJ and that is still an option. I will still relocate to a remote part of the state. However he has made it clear that he would rather die or got to jail than to see me remarried and have another man raise his children.

Now I have shielded my children form most of the horrible things that he has done. But my concern is the children first and foremost, children learn by example, how do I show them what is right here.