Remarrying May Change Custody??

[VA_Mom]

What is the name of your state? VA

Previously, I asked if a NCP remarrying could possibly change custody and the general consensus was NO. I decided to check again because I overheard my ex and his attorney discussing that once he remarryies (in approx. 4-6 mos) he plans on modifying custody. Now keep in mind that he is not requesting visitation modification because we are in different states but actual custody.

I have found conflicting opinions online stating that remarrying may change custody because of the presumption of greater income, two-family home, nicer living arrangements, etc. Is this true that remarrying is viewed as such and is considered when a NCP is petitioning for change of custody? What about if the NCP lived with the new spouse prior to remarrying? I would think the incomes would have been combined then which would not create a change in circumstance.

 

[delvalle5]

I have that same situation. My ex remarried in April. I live in Wa and he lives in Ca. He tried to get custody and have me have visitation. He would have to have a really really good case to get custody from you. He had an attorney and I represented myself. It varies from state to state, and one of the things I did was have the case moved to Washington. It helped that neither of us lives in the original jurisdiction... made things real easy for me.

 

[VA_Mom]

It helped that neither of us lives in the original jurisdiction... made things real easy for me.

How did it make it easier for you?

 

[delvalle5]

The state of washington favors the mother. Besides, now I don't have to travel to California to go to court, he will have to travel here, and he isn't the kind of guy to put out much real effort. He talks big but does little. His new wife does everything for him (hmm, much like I did when we were married).

 

[VA_Mom]

Well, for my state, this is what it says:

The criteria for custody modification have been derived from case law, however one factor has been incorporated into the Virginia Code. Section 20-108 of the Virginia Code states in part that; " intentional withholding of visitation of a child from the other parent without just cause may constitute a material change of circumstances justifying a change of custody in the discretion of the court." Other factors that may justify a modification of custody include remarriage of one of the parties, death one of the parties, and criminal activity by one of the parents. Circuit courts have jurisdiction over child custody and visitation in proceedings incident to divorce. Under certain circumstances, the circuit court and the juvenile and domestic relations court will have concurrent jurisdiction

 

[delvalle5]

Well, for my state, this is what it says:

The criteria for custody modification have been derived from case law, however one factor has been incorporated into the Virginia Code. Section 20-108 of the Virginia Code states in part that; " intentional withholding of visitation of a child from the other parent without just cause may constitute a material change of circumstances justifying a change of custody in the discretion of the court." Other factors that may justify a modification of custody include remarriage of one of the parties, death one of the parties, and criminal activity by one of the parents. Circuit courts have jurisdiction over child custody and visitation in proceedings incident to divorce. Under certain circumstances, the circuit court and the juvenile and domestic relations court will have concurrent jurisdiction

Which state has jurisdiction over the child? What you need to do is find the case law regarding your situation and see how the courts interpreted that code.

 

[kaym]

Wow, I don't know why anyone would have advised you that one party remarrying couldn't affect custody. A court can always consider a change in circumstance that may affect the best interest of the child.

I don't think I would be unduly worried, however since this didn't happen right after the divorce, and the petition won't occur for another 4 to 6 months. If the child has been with you any length of time, it is unlikely that a new two-parent home is going to overcome the disruption of the child's accustomed place of residence - friends/school/ and the closer bond developed with you. You are in even better shape if you are still in the child's orginal long-term residence and there is extended family of the child nearby he/she spends time with.

The fact that he lived with the new wife previously has no bearing for purposes of income. Once they are married - maybe, but as long as you are providing reasonable living quarters more money isn't going to help him much.

 

[tigger22472]

First off, even if remarriage did help it wouldn't happen in this short of a period of time. 4-6 months does not necessarily show more stability which is what the goal of a remarriage in a custody issue would be (i.e one parent using the fact of two adults in their home; possibly no daycare/sitter ... etc..).

With that said even then remarriage alone is not grounds enough to uproot a child from their surroundings. The other parent would have to severely prove that he/she could do a better job then you could .... and in essence prove that without bringing in the marriage... the marriage would simply be a 'bonus' to the situation... if that makes sense.

The fact you live in different states will complicate things even more for him as once again it involves uprooting the child, and he would nearly literally have to prove you unfit in order to obtain custody.

 

[VA_Mom]

This is a brief synopsis of the situation:

- the children and I have been residing with a close family member since the ex and I ended the relationship (approx. 9 months ago)

- the children are all under the age of 5 so they attend childcare and not a public school

- they are surrounded by my family but the ex is wishing to move closer to his family once married

- the custody/visitation order is very recent

- as for the ex's living together/income issue, the ex stated under oath that he is assisting with paying the bills with his new fiance...this would mean that a two-person home income would not be a change from the last hearing

What I am mainly concerned about is that we are residing with a close family member. It is a single family home with plenty of room but not sure if it would go against me in a modification hearing.

 

[VA_Mom]

The fact you live in different states will complicate things even more for him as once again it involves uprooting the child, and he would nearly literally have to prove you unfit in order to obtain custody.

Thank you all for your input. I am taking the right steps to move past this relationship without running into the arms of someone else just to manipulate the court system. So hopefully that is more evident - not to mention my ex has a ruthless lawyer that has been telling people (outside the courtroom) that I am unfit. I wish I could sue his lawyer.

 

[tigger22472]

Thank you all for your input. I am taking the right steps to move past this relationship without running into the arms of someone else just to manipulate the court system. So hopefully that is more evident - not to mention my ex has a ruthless lawyer that has been telling people (outside the courtroom) that I am unfit. I wish I could sue his lawyer.

Now, I do not know how reliable this is ... but...

Several years ago hubby's ex was in a custody battle for her son and she knew that it was possible that my husband may file for full custody of their daughter. She went and got married pretty quickly, thinking it would help her, making her look more stable. He and I were living together but we not yet married. We investigated how this would look if he did in fact file for custody. We were told that until she would be married for 3-4 years a remarriage does not necessarily show more stability than a single parent or co-habitating parent. Whether that is true is up for grabs but in his case it would have held water. Within a few months his ex filed for divorce, and continued to repeat that for 3 years every few months until she did finally follow through and divorce. He and I did not marry until nearly two years after she did...

 

[VA_Mom]

Every few months??? Get serious. I date but not in hopes of remarrying. At this point, it's just to remind myself that I'm still a vivacious woman. But my main focus is my children and not how to get over on the ex with a surprise wedding.

What happened with the custody issue? I would think the frequent change over of husbands did not look favorably.

 

[tigger22472]

Every few months??? Get serious. I date but not in hopes of remarrying. At this point, it's just to remind myself that I'm still a vivacious woman. But my main focus is my children and not how to get over on the ex with a surprise wedding.

What happened with the custody issue? I would think the frequent change over of husbands did not look favorably.

Well, they married in Feb and she filed the first time in June or July. That was in 2001. They officially divorced in Sept. 2004 and I know of AT least 4 other times she filed but it was generally hush hush. In fact my hubby didn't find out she divorced until the last week of November when her husband moved. As far as the custody of her son she won, however in that situation she should have (there was a whole lot to the story and even more after). It took over 2 1/2 years to settle though. My husband didn't take her to court. Rather than doing that we moved closer to mom since child was going to school. He shares 50/50 (the other father did also). 50/50's are touchy because at least in our area they aren't liked... and custody issues are a crap shoot. It wasn't a 'huge' deal to move as hubby could still remain working where he did... just had to commute 45 minutes as opposed to 5 blocks.

She has admitted to me several times she married the guy to get an edge on custody for her son (won't mention custody of daughter, although she knows it was a possibility and I truly feel she did it for that reason also). The husband moved out on a Tuesday and her new boyfriend was moved in on Wednesday... I'm fully convinced that was so she didnt' have to rely on us for a sitter because of her job. She finally wised up and moved him out of her house but not before her children saw a side of her they didn't like.

 

[VA_Mom]

Tigger - it seems like the remarrying game worked for the ex then. Yikes! Oh well, my ex will just have to try and prove me unfit and a good reason to transfer the children to another state. Hopefully, it is true about a judge wanting to see a more lasting relationship than just getting remarried and running to court for a change in custody. I give my ex a year after marriage and it be over. Not because I am spiteful (I have no problem with the new woman - glad it's not me) but because I know he is milking the poor woman for money in the thousands already and he is a serious womanizer.

 

[tigger22472]

Tigger - it seems like the remarrying game worked for the ex then. Yikes! Oh well, my ex will just have to try and prove me unfit and a good reason to transfer the children to another state. Hopefully, it is true about a judge wanting to see a more lasting relationship than just getting remarried and running to court for a change in custody. I give my ex a year after marriage and it be over. Not because I am spiteful (I have no problem with the new woman - glad it's not me) but because I know he is milking the poor woman for money in the thousands already and he is a serious womanizer.

No not really. I honestly don't think the marriage had anything to do with the custody. There was so many more things involved in that situation. Plus you have to add, she was the mom and here in Indiana that gives you a big plus when you walk into the courtroom.