Reunification Therapy

[TexKex]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

sorry for long postin advance....


Quick summary: 2006 court decision with mother alleging Domestic violence and my move to different state due to work related move. Mother ended up with legal and physical custody and I have every weekend 4 hours non-professionally supervised visitation per day in California (1700 miles away). Both of us had DV restraining orders against each other. Both ordered to therapy and parenting classes.
Since 2006, I have completed therapy, created parenting plan, most importantly obtained police reports, letters from child support and so forth to prove that mother allegations were unfounded.
Mother did not complete her therapy nor any other court ordered classes.
During this time I have tried to visit our son as often as I could. However after the friend of her non-professional supervisor told us that the mother demanded ½ of the payment for the visits from her, mother did not want her to supervise any longer.
She has disapproved of any professional supervisor that I suggested.
After trying and trying, I lost hope in ever being able to see my son and have not seen him for 18 months.
My financial situation has changed, and I just cannot leave with a thought of loosing my son, so I have pressed on. I tried to find professional supervisor again. When supervisor contacted mother she responded by sending back an email with disparaging comments to professional supervisor who forwarded it to me. As usual supervisor didn’t want to be in the middle, and did not take our case. She also sent email to Mom and me suggesting reunification therapy.
I call my son 3 times a week, but since I filed for custody mother refuses to call my son to the phone or pick up the phone.
My therapist wrote a report to court stating that I am competent and capable father. I also went to Clinical Psychologist who conducted an evaluation and reported to the court that I have all necessary abilities to parent a young child.
Family services mediator, agreed that mother is engaging in obstruction of visitation, and so forth, everything short of calling it parental alienation. Reprimanded Mother and ordered her to weekly counseling for 6 months.
THE QUESTION: Family services suggested 6 months of therapeutically supervised visitation ?

1. 
   1. What this means in real life…. Doesn’t make sense to me why so long ? I talked to my son every week several times per week.
   2. What if mother refuses to cooperate ?
   3. How can I challenge the 6 months to something shorter.

Any question are welcome and advice is is appreciated.

 

[Isis1]

what does your court order say in regards to phone contact with the child?

why did you agree to supervised visitation?

the courts don't hand out supervised visitation without just cause. if you did not agree to it, then you are leaving some serious information out of your story.

 

[TexKex]

Thank you for your questions.

what does your court order say in regards

to phone contact with the child?

The court order is silent on phone contact. Depending on mood mother would pickup and allow it. So i called as often as i ken with 50/50 success rate. Untill I filed for modification. Now she doesnt pick up.

why did you agree to supervised visitation?

I did not agree. Mother alleged Domestic Violence. At the time of first custody evaluation there was no police report that cleared me of any wrongdoing. Also I had to move to another state. Mother claimed flight risk. We are both not perfect. I had DV order against mother for braking into the house to still a child... its a complicated case .. and now its ready to leave the past behind. There is a pending hearing.

I want to underscore, that Family Court Services agreed with the fact that I am a suitable father. They also agreed tha mother is obstructing the visitation. My question is to learn about this process, and not to rehash the past.

I am not concerned with the recomendation, i think it is beneficial toour son to have a therapist after 18 months apart. BUT 6 months sounds a bit exessive , how can i present this to the court so it is shortened if possible. What needs to be i court order to prevent mother from delaying this process.

 

[Isis1]

The court order is silent on phone contact. Depending on mood mother would pickup and allow it. So i called as often as i ken with 50/50 success rate. Untill I filed for modification. Now she doesnt pick up.

why did you agree to supervised visitation?

I did not agree. Mother alleged Domestic Violence. At the time of first custody evaluation there was no police report that cleared me of any wrongdoing. Also I had to move to another state. Mother claimed flight risk. We are both not perfect. I had DV order against mother for braking into the house to still a child... its a complicated case .. and now its ready to leave the past behind. There is a pending hearing.

I want to underscore, that Family Court Services agreed with the fact that I am a suitable father. They also agreed tha mother is obstructing the visitation. My question is to learn about this process, and not to rehash the past.

I am not concerned with the recomendation, i think it is beneficial toour son to have a therapist after 18 months apart. BUT 6 months sounds a bit exessive , how can i present this to the court so it is shortened if possible. What needs to be i court order to prevent mother from delaying this process.

well, here's the thing. if you did not agree to the supervised visitation, the the court felt it was warranted for the child's best interest. which means, SOMETHING happened. SOMETHING that put the child at risk. they do not hand out supervision like holloween candy.

don't have court ordered phone contact, ask for it at the next hearing. and be specific about times and days.

and you cannot rush court. sorry, but if the hearing wasn't set for another 6 months, then you will have to wait out the six months.

 

[TexKex]

well, here's the thing. if you did not agree to the supervised visitation, the the court felt it was warranted for the child's best interest. which means, SOMETHING happened.

SOMETHING that put the child at risk. they do not hand out supervision like holloween candy.

In the spirit of constructive dialogue, lets agree that that SOMETHING happeed and the court ordered steps to overcome SOMETHING. Call it denial, but I refuse to dwell in the past.

don't have court ordered phone contact, ask for it at the next hearing. and be specific about times and days.

Good ideal, thank you for advice, and it is definately on the list.

and you cannot rush court. sorry, but if the hearing wasn't set for another 6 months, then you will have to wait out the six months

The hearind did not take the place, Family Court Services is a mediator that writes a report to court. The report is suggesting 6 months.

My question to legal community on this forum was about the stategy on convincing the court to shorten this time (considering the circumstances in the report).

P.S. I respect your feedback, but if you could please read my OP once over, you might find most of the SOMETHINGS already described.

 

[LdiJ]

well, here's the thing. if you did not agree to the supervised visitation, the the court felt it was warranted for the child's best interest. which means, SOMETHING happened.

In the spirit of constructive dialogue, lets agree that that SOMETHING happeed and the court ordered steps to overcome SOMETHING. Call it denial, but I refuse to dwell in the past.



Good ideal, thank you for advice, and it is definately on the list.



The hearind did not take the place, Family Court Services is a mediator that writes a report to court. The report is suggesting 6 months.

My question to legal community on this forum was about the stategy on convincing the court to shorten this time (considering the circumstances in the report).

P.S. I respect your feedback, but if you could please read my OP once over, you might find most of the SOMETHINGS already described.

How old was the child when you and mom split up?

How old was the child when you left mom's state?

How old is the child now?

Do you want to speed up supervised visitation entirely, so that you can have visits in your state?

Six months may very well be in the best interest of the child, depending on the child's age...and its all about what is best for the child, not what is best for you.

 

[TexKex]

How old was the child when you and mom split up?

He was 2 year old, lived with me without contact with mother untill he was 3. Thats when custody switched due to move. I seen him steadily untill he was 4.5 then mother started interfere with visits. I had atleast 1-2 telephone contacts per week untill I filed for custody modification and now she wont pickup the phone.

How old was the child when you left mom's state?

See above.

How old is the child now?

He is 6 now.

Do you want to speed up supervised visitation entirely, so that you can have visits in your state?

I dont disagree with the idea that after 1.5 years of no physical visits we can use a therapist for a few visits who can assist me and my son to deal with the "how to respon to horrible things mom told me about my dady".

However one shall consider the cost of this proposition. 6 months 2 times per month 3 consecutive days each isit, and 3 hours a day. This translates to 9 hours per visit at 200/hr for therapist (CA). Then lets add travel expenses $800. Assuming I can stay with friends and not including any other costs. You are looking at $5,200 per month and over 6 months its over $30K.

Lets realize for a moment that court mediator agreeed, that mother was the cause of visitation stopping for 1.5 yeas.

With child interest above all, dont you still think that these money could be better used towards his college fund?

Oh this also assumes that mother would fully cooperate with the visitation schedule and no last minute cancelatons, or other surprises will come into play.


Lets consider one more fact: Any serviceman Army or Navy are sent out to tour of duty for anywhere between 12-24 months. They are apart from their kids and family. And they manage without reunification.

Its just a sample, I understand that some form of re-introduction needs to take place but 6 months ? Sounds a bit excessive.

Your thoughts ??

 

[LdiJ]

I dont disagree with the idea that after 1.5 years of no physical visits we can use a therapist for a few visits who can assist me and my son to deal with the "how to respon to horrible things mom told me about my dady".

Go in there with that attitude and the therapist will be recommending 12 months rather than six months.

However one shall consider the cost of this proposition. 6 months 2 times per month 3 consecutive days each isit, and 3 hours a day. This translates to 9 hours per visit at 200/hr for therapist (CA). Then lets add travel expenses $800. Assuming I can stay with friends and not including any other costs. You are looking at $5,200 per month and over 6 months its over $30K.

That is expensive, you might ask instead for one therapy session each visit and the other two days have regular supervised visitation.

Lets realize for a moment that court mediator agreeed, that mother was the cause of visitation stopping for 1.5 yeas.

Whether the mediator agreed or not you or not, you made the choice not to exercise your visits. Mom may not have made things easy for you, but it was your choice not to visit.

Lets consider one more fact: Any serviceman Army or Navy are sent out to tour of duty for anywhere between 12-24 months. They are apart from their kids and family. And they manage without reunification.

The are also coming home to families to a great extent...where the children are not being separated from the other parent to go with dad.

Its just a sample, I understand that some form of re-introduction needs to take place but 6 months ? Sounds a bit excessive.

Your thoughts ??

Make your case to the judge, but please come up with better arguments than these. Basically what you are saying, in a nutshell is the following:

1. Its all mom's fault I chose not to visit for 18 months.
2. Theraputic supervised visitation is too expensive.
3. I don't care if it would benefit my son, its too expensive to do it for 6 months.

Otherwise, get yourself an attorney to represent you in court, because I think that you are your own worst enemy. I am basing this not only on your thread, but on responses that you have made on other threads.