reversing custody for the summer

[terp]

What is the name of your state? MD

My son's Daddy has asked me to reverse our custody arrangement for the summer. Apparently they are moving back to the area before school lets out and he has requested that he have our son for the summer with me having EOW and 1 week vacation.

I have sole legal and sole residential custody. It has been that way since son was born. I do not FEEL son would be too happy with it all of a sudden flipping like this. I know kids are resilient but our son has made so many friends in Kindergarten and we have already been talking about summer camps with a handful of his friends.

I feel this is a ploy to reduce his CS as it is back in the courts for modification. I guess I am jsut annoyed by the fact that his father is always fighting for more time but then never arranges his work schedule to accommodate it. Every time son has gone for extended visits, every nightly call, he would tell me that Daddy was still at work and he had not seen him all day, so he was going to try and wake up earlier to see him the next day. That is sad. When he does have these extended visits, he ends up staying with his stepmother and half baby sister the whole time. I can't argue that....it is none of my business.

I would be happy to give him more time above the court order if he, the father, had a track record that showed he wanted the time to hang with kiddo, not just get more overnights to count towards reducing the CS.

 

[Ohiogal]

Prepare for the court to give him more time regardless of your wishes if dad pursues it.

 

[tuffbrk]

Is there a reason the courts awarded you sole residential custody or did Dad not argue it? When you say they are moving to the area - is that implying that Dad lived out of state? What does the current order state for summer visitation?

 

[5sfsniper]

Prepare a list of 'camps' that son is interested in and have them ready as bargaining chips for the summer. be prepared to split the cost (you would have paid anyway, right?).

child's life should be as tho mom and dad WERE together and if not together, at least willing to work together for his benefit.

if they are day camps, dad would need a sitter for him while he was at work anyway, right? and if there is a smom involved, she may be relieved that you offer the camps as they are activities that she knows you approve of.

 

[terp]

father moved a way 2 months after our hearing two years ago. At the time, he was local. The judge still gave him EOWnd with me having sole legal and residential when he only lived 10 miles away. Our order was never changed after father moved away. I have ALWAYS been sure that our son has been available anytime father has been in town or wanted to fly him there. This past summer we agreed to 2 two week vacations since father was not in the area. We never had the visitation/custody modified for long distance. We just winged it, so to say.

I just don't see why it needs to be changed since he is moving back and still has not decided when and where it will be, I am not planning on changing any plans made for son as fathers plans are still uncertain or atleast he's not telling me everything. Who knows....father is nicknamed whip-lash dad among my circle of friends. Never know what he is going to do.

I feel his request for more time this summer is just to reduce his CS. He is behind roughly 7K, he has filed for modification for that. He quit a good paying job to take one that pays less and then just quit that to freelance. He is always whining and has NEVER followed the court orders.

Doesn't there have to be a change of circumstance to warrent a change of visitation / custody? Our son is doing great!

 

[Bloopy]

father moved a way 2 months after our hearing two years ago. At the time, he was local. The judge still gave him EOWnd with me having sole legal and residential when he only lived 10 miles away. Our order was never changed after father moved away. I have ALWAYS been sure that our son has been available anytime father has been in town or wanted to fly him there. This past summer we agreed to 2 two week vacations since father was not in the area. We never had the visitation/custody modified for long distance. We just winged it, so to say.

Doesn't there have to be a change of circumstance to warrent a change of visitation / custody? Our son is doing great!

Dad ONLY had EOW without vacations or holidays? What did the original order say?

I realize the original order was written when Dad was local. His move back is simply returning to the original circumstances of the order. But do you see how his return is a change of circumstance in your reality if not the original order? He's not seeking to change custody just visitation time.

I don’t understand why you don’t want to modify the order. You’ve agreed to two weeks in the summer before, now he wants to up that. Wouldn’t it be easier to have this spelled out in an order rather than arguing?

Maybe he IS doing it to reduce CS but it wouldn’t actually make a dent. Try it on a CS calculator. It’s very POSSIBLE Dad just wants to see kiddo more. Regardless, he has every right to try.

What was your question?

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

For some reason the tone of the original post irked me, but I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt that YOUR reasons aren’t all about CS.

Right now, if your order states that Dad has visitation EOW, he’s got 26, 52, or 78 overnights(depending on when pick up and drop offs are).

Even assuming EOW’s at 3 overnights, he’d need an increase of 50 overnights to have any hope of changing CS. In MD, CS doesn’t change till a minimum of 128 overnights. Then you are looking at a change of physical custody, not a change in visitation.

If your current order doesn’t specify holidays and vacations(which override regular visitation and aren’t generally counted towards the 128 overnights), Dad would absolutely be successful in having your current order amended to include them.

I know because I just went through this…

 

[Bloopy]

For some reason the tone of the original post irked me, but I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt that YOUR reasons aren’t all about CS.

Maybe she and LeftOut should make T-Shirts.

** Mary PLEASE add some emoticons for ProSeDad

 

[terp]

I could really care less about CS. He has never really paid and we currently are going to court because he is in contempt. That may be why there is a tone there. Honestly ...I am just tired....

Our original order never even discussed vacations, holidays, etc. We have always just tried to share and work it out. Our original order was for us to see a parenting coordinator for a year. In our sessions we were to work these things out and come up with a parenting plan. He fired her after a few months. So, he is in contempt for that too. He has been very antagonistic, very difficult to coparent with.

He fought for sole residential and sole legal....didn't work out so he has just just ignored every aspect of the order and done what he pleases. Everytime he has made an outrageous request and I say no, his lawyer calls mine and it turns into a week long whining session. Several hundred dollars later after they have mediated, he chills for a month and then it starts up again. Had he not fired the parenting coordinator this all could have been hashed out there for a lot less and easier.

Got the call from lawyer today that he is requesting that our son live with him this summer and I receive EOWnd. Yeah....I am wondering about this.... see....he asked me this two days ago and I said no but that we could discuss some vacation time. He is not happy with that so back to court we go.... Thousands later, sure...he will get some vacation time I am sure, I offered too......but the $$$ spent on attorneys....I am getting bitter

My question...what is normal for a 5/6 year old who has had the basic visitation with other parent?

Bloopy...yes...my T-Shirt can say....sick and tired bitter from fighting all time mother.....BUT AWESOME KIDDO!!!!!Worth it.

 

[Bloopy]

My question...what is normal for a 5/6 year old who has had the basic visitation with other parent?

Ahh, better. The rest was a rant that does not benefit your child.

MD does not have a standard visitation schedule.

Most likely you will remain the custodial parent provided you don’t harm your own case. Dad will get more time.

Things to expect:
-EOW
- Visitation on one Evening during one of the weekdays
- Mother’s day / Father’s Day spelled out time-wise
- Alternating child’s B-Day
- Holidays – Alternating pretty specifically
- 2-3, 1-week uninterrupted vacations

Bloopy...yes...my T-Shirt can say....sick and tired bitter from fighting all time mother.....BUT AWESOME KIDDO!!!!!Worth it.

Much better shirt that I was offering.

 

[terp]

That is what I have been offering all along. I feel better.

I don't think offering and working with him on that should hurt my case.

My point is that circumstances have not changed since the original order. It was decided when he was local. He moved after and now he is returning. My problem is that the judge ordered us the opportunity to work out the parenting details with a coordinator that he ended up firing. In my eyes, having to go back to court to have it all spelled out is a waste of money that could have been spent on us trying to learn to work/parent together. The judge was hoping that we could work it out. That is my feeling. It could have happenned had he not quit and fired her. It also reinforces why the judge granted sole legal.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Have the judge order the parenting coordinator again. If he fires him/her again, file for contempt of court with the X paying the court costs and attorney fees. He might get it some day.