Revise parenting plan

[Marieswartz]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New Mexico

I have sole legal custody of my two children, ages 2 and 5. Their father and I were divorced one year ago. The parenting plan approved by the court states the father has visitation on the last weekend of every month. He has not complied with visitation and has not seen the children for 9 months. Over the 9 months he has spoken to them on the phone 3 times. He has not kept me current with his address, as required, so I don't even know his current address or living situation.
He now states he wants to have them for three days over Thanksgiving (which is what the parenting plan says). This was reasonable at the time we drew up the parenting plan, but since it has now been 9 months since the kids have seen him, I do not think it is in their best interest to be suddenly handed over to someone who to them is a virtual stranger.
I would like to minimally tell him that we should meet at a neutral place (park) for the first visit, with me present, to ease the situation for the kids, and evaluate how they are coping. He will almost definitely refuse to this.
I know I need to go to court if I want to revise the parenting plan, but what can I do for this immediate problem coming up in one week? If I refuse to give him the children unless he agrees to spend the initial visit with me present, and tells me where he is living, will this be held against me when we eventually get before a judge to revise the plan? Thanks, MS, New Mexico

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New Mexico

I have sole legal custody of my two children, ages 2 and 5. Their father and I were divorced one year ago. The parenting plan approved by the court states the father has visitation on the last weekend of every month. He has not complied with visitation and has not seen the children for 9 months. Over the 9 months he has spoken to them on the phone 3 times. He has not kept me current with his address, as required, so I don't even know his current address or living situation.
He now states he wants to have them for three days over Thanksgiving (which is what the parenting plan says). This was reasonable at the time we drew up the parenting plan, but since it has now been 9 months since the kids have seen him, I do not think it is in their best interest to be suddenly handed over to someone who to them is a virtual stranger.
I would like to minimally tell him that we should meet at a neutral place (park) for the first visit, with me present, to ease the situation for the kids, and evaluate how they are coping. He will almost definitely refuse to this.
I know I need to go to court if I want to revise the parenting plan, but what can I do for this immediate problem coming up in one week? If I refuse to give him the children unless he agrees to spend the initial visit with me present, and tells me where he is living, will this be held against me when we eventually get before a judge to revise the plan? Thanks, MS, New Mexico

This is tough - I'm loathe to suggest you actually go against a court order but your children are very young; if they haven't seen their father in 9 months I can absolutely understand your hesitance particularly if you don't know where he's living etc. and because it's for three nights....

Stand by - like I said I really don't advocate disobeying the order but if it were me I'd probably take the risk of being dinged in court should Dad file contempt. See what the other members have to say about it too.

 

[LdiJ]

This is tough - I'm loathe to suggest you actually go against a court order but your children are very young; if they haven't seen their father in 9 months I can absolutely understand your hesitance particularly if you don't know where he's living etc. and because it's for three nights....

Stand by - like I said I really don't advocate disobeying the order but if it were me I'd probably take the risk of being dinged in court should Dad file contempt. See what the other members have to say about it too.

I would probably take the risk of being dinged as well. However, if dad is local, I would offer to bring the children by to visit with dad's family some time on Thanksgiving Day.

However, I would also be filing for an emergency, temporary modification of the visitation to allow dad to phase back into their lives before taking full weekends or extended holiday time. Dad is going to be a total stranger to the 2 year old at this point...and the 5 year old will need some adjusting too.