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Rights of an Unwed Dad

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R

RSueY

Guest
What is the name of your state? Michigan

Mom wants to join the Service, giving custody to her parents during boot camp. Dad sees son on a regular basis and is very invovled in Sons life. Dad wants custody but doesn't know how to go about this on a limited income. Can Dad prevent Mom from leaving the state with baby?
 


C

Chris_Lampkin

Guest
Well, first thing's first.

She can NOT unilaterally sign over custody of the child to her parents if you are around, unless your parental rights have been removed.

As you state that you visit the child, I am assuming that is not the case.

As far as you two having never married, that shouldn't matter. Has a judge ever declared visitation, child support, etc?

I know that there are laws prohibiting a parent from moving out of state with a child without the courts permission and you SHOULD be able to get something done about this.

Perhaps, as I am about to do, contact an attorney and get a free or no cost consultation, or contact an agency such as social services/legal aide to see what advice/help they can give you.
 

usmcfamily

Senior Member
What - if any - actual legal orders exist in regards to custody of the child? (ie is it joint legal or sole legal or none at all)
You have EVERY right to protect your right to be an active part of your child's life ...... but only if you are willing to fight for them. You really don't need an attorney (but I would suggest you at least consult with one - most offer free consultation and from there may be willing to work with you on a financial plan). You can (I did successfully) file the case "pro se" (w/out a lawyer). Petition the court for joint legal custody (this is to give you the "right" to be a part of major decisions regarding the child) but be aware that "legal" and "physical" custody are different -- the legal thing is only in regards to who has what say -- the physical side of it is who has what parenting time.
As for her enlisting -- there are some advantages to you if you allow it to happen. Although the obvious disadvantage is the separation of you from your child. BUT that can be overcome -- IF she is allowed to enlist (and you may not be successful in blocking her taking the child w/her for this because she can contest any attmept by you to do so by claiming it would provide her a way to better the child's lifestyle - ie pay!) you can petition for some specific stipulations that protect your rights....for example that SHE (as the moving parent) pay the extra costs incurred in your visitation, that the visitation schedule change to maintain your actual total time but perhaps spread out more (meaning fewer but LONGER visits that total the same amount of time), stipulation that in the event of deployment YOU are listed as her "child care plan" person who will assume custody of the child while she is gone, stipulations to cover possible overseas assignments (either that YOU are given custody during those times and SHE will have visits or that SHE is responsible for costs for you to have the visits and that they WILL continue as scheduled regardless of where she is stationed -- remember if she is stationed overseas w/dependants it will be a 3 year tour so this would be a long period of time to be fighting w/her in court so address it NOW in the original order). The trick is to address as much as you can in the first case so that you aren't left trying to get things "fixed" as they come up......no one needs that hassle.
Either way - GOOD LUCK and God Bless
 
L

lcollins

Guest
She will have to go to court to have custody changed, and I believe you have to be notified. Do you have any type of custody -joint legal or physical? If you are actively involved in the child's life, I see no reason for you not to have custody. As far as limited income, if you are granted custody of your son while she is in the service, she will more than likely be ordered to pay child support while she is away - and believe me, the government makes sure all enlisted people with support obligations pay! You may be able to search for an attorney or organization that helps NCP fathers who want custody of their children. Look around, and call some attorney's to see if you can get a consultation.
 
P

pthalo

Guest
couple of thoughts

The original poster was asking about boot camp first and formost.. Boot camp is six weeks... Are there any orders in place? If so do any mention rights of first refusal... I truly think that it is a visitation issue and not a custody issue at this point.. If she gets stationed elsewhere then there is definitely a custody battle in the workings.. Take a look at the orders, if there are any, and figure a way to have your child for those six weeks...
 
P

pthalo

Guest
i know i know,,,

6 or 13 weeks it doesn't matter this still isn't a custody issue yet...
 

usmcfamily

Senior Member
and the point is

That while the poster addressed the bootcamp issue in his original post the fact is it will become a custody issue once she enlists regardless of if it is in reference to the bootcamp time or her actual time of service.....it is going to be a custody issue......
 
P

pthalo

Guest
maybe not...

what if mom becomes an officer and has a desk job or a recruiters job.. Its like any other job and could give her a level of stability that even dad can't provide.. It will not be a custody issue unless the circumstances allow for it.. I gave advice on the topic at hand b/c there are too many variables that we do not know...

you weren't being a smart ass.. You were correcting me..
 

usmcfamily

Senior Member
Hmmm...well unless mom has a degree or qualifies for MECEP programs (which require her already having time as an enlisted person) she won't just "become" an officer ....and even if she were an officer she would NOT automatically have a "desk" job - the officers deploy as frequently as enlisted personnel. And even "desk" jobs deploy (my own DH is a "desk jockey" at the moment and spends an average of 6 of every 12 months deployed....;) ) And recruiting duty is a "b" billet assignment given to personnel who have already completed basic and MOS training and had some "time on staion" (varies but typically at least 1 to 1 1/2 years at current station) prior to assignment to the duty......furthermore recruiting is NOT a job that should be undertaken by a single parent -- the hours are LONG (typically 12-18 hours a day 6 days a week) and it is more often than not typical for the recruiting parent to leave while the children are still sleeping and get home after they have gone to bed.....in most cases being a single parent qualifies as a "disqualifying circumstance" as far as being assigned to the duty.
Again ...not trying to argue but only trying to provide accurate information.
The only reason I state it is a "custody" issue is that this man has expressed concern about his child's mother choosing a vocation that would more than likely cause a separation of father and child....in the interest of helping him to protect the relationship he has with said child we suggested he pursue the matter from a custody stand point.
Toodles..........:)
 
P

pthalo

Guest
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

You're putting me to sleep.. I know two single mothers and one single father with custody who do just fine.. They stand out because they are military personel.. One is a recruiting officer and the others are "desk jockeys"... I'll say it again this is not a custody issue and the original poster was not asking about cusotdy.,,, This is a visitation issue and should be treated as such.. The only way that they will take custody away from mom is if she is found to be unfit.. If anyone thinks for one second that in the state of our nation right now that a judge working for our government will find a military personel member unfit, you are fooling yourself...
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
But I think.....

Since usmcfamily obviously has *personal* experience and has seen the ins and outs of this type of situation, and pthalo has a "few friends" who are in the service as single parents - usmcfamily may have a bit more insight into how it works in practicality.
 

usmcfamily

Senior Member
thank you momma tiger

I only hope that someday the rest of us can be as enligtened and all-knowing at PT........lol (just funnin ya PT)
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
The way I figure it.....

Is we all have areas that we know alot about. And when someone is obviously more knowledgeable about something, it makes sense to pay attention. But hey, what do I know?
 

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