Rights of parents of victims of sexual crimes

[BL1993]

What is the name of your state? UT

As was stated on another post, I can relate completely that these cases seem very one sided. Seems the parents of victims and victims themselves have no rights. We are barely kept in the loop. However, the accused has every right and protection. Where is the real justice?

My stepson when age 13 exposed my two sons (at age 8 and 10) to pornographic materials (charged with felony for dealing in harmful materials to a minor). He also taught them how to masterbate by demostrating how to the point of ejaculation.. further explaining what that was and showing them the ejaculate. Anyway, the boys just reported it to me last Jan during our maturation talk. It is our best estimate that the incident was two years prior to their reporting the incident to me. I called my insurance to get a referral for the boys to talk to a coucelor based on their upset after disclosing the incident. I had my husband (stepson's natural father) contact the stepson's mother to inform her and ask that she get him so help with his problem. The center we were referred to explained that the incident had to be reported by law. So DFS was called and a case was investigated.

The stepson's mother was completely uncooperative and refused that he be interviewed by DFS and the detective. The AG office screened the case (using taped interviews of the boys, myself and my current husband) and filed charges. They (stepson and his mother) have hired two attorney's to defend the charges. Even though, the AG's office tells us that had the mother simply taken the boy to a councelor and made an admission, a plea would have been a given and this whole thing would be over. He is a minor, so he could have the misdemenor's (what the plea would have offered) wiped from the record at 18. Better yet, he would have received the much needed counceling... our biggest concern for all of the boys!

We are fully expecting the mother to later bill us for the attorney fee's because my current husband is the father of the stepson. How will that be, huh? My boys are the victims of his acts,which he admits to during the time they were close to a plea to his sexual assessment councelor. So, that will sure be nice to have to get socked with his attorney fee's which will be close to a years worth! As I said before, they were close to a plea, but nobody would agree to dismiss the charges after a year. The deal fell through and they proceeded with preparations for a trial. This seems like such an injustice! I mean, I simply brought my boys to counceling, had my husband ask the stepsons mother to get him counceling and now this! She refused couceling for the boy. Also, during the time they were trying to get a deal from the AG's office, they did have a sexual assessment completed on him.. It was scored at a 2.... Not exactly sure what that means.

Just last week my husband and I received a supeana from the stepson's attorneys... That doesn't make sense. Why would they call us to testify for the defense? The AG's office already sent my two boys a supeana to testify and also asked my husband and I to testify as well.. My husband's testimony is realted to the conversation he had with stepson about the incident. The stepson admitted to the incident, the dirty movie's anyway. He said that the other stuff was just that the boys walked in on him while masterbating so he 'finished' up and then explained to the boys that the ejaculate was semen. My husband is also to testify that the mother had discussed the incident over the phone, stating that he told her he was masterbating and was walked in on.

Any advice on any of this mess?

 

[Shay-Pari'e]

(QUOTE)As was stated on another post, I can relate completely that these cases seem very one sided. Seems the parents of victims and victims themselves have no rights. We are barely kept in the loop. However, the accused has every right and protection. Where is the real justice?

My stepson when age 13 exposed my two sons (at age 8 and 10) to pornographic materials (charged with felony for dealing in harmful materials to a minor).(QUOTE)

What other post? You say the 13 year old was charged with a felony for showing pornographic materials? Your not making any sense.

 

[stealth2]

I think, Paradise, she's talking about an earlier post by a different poster.

OP... I suspect that the tack that the defense plans to take is that this was not molestation. The boy was jacking off behind closed doors when the younger boys walked in on him, wanted to know what was going on, and he explained. And in all honesty, that sounds quite plausible when you added in those details rather than leave the impression that the 13yo got the other two together specifically to "teach" them how to masturbate.

Unfortunately, this situation could have been handled much differently (assuming that there has not been anything else substansive that you've left out). The 13yo should not be allowed to be in a position to be watching "dirty" movies (and uh, where did the movie come from?). The 8&10 yo's should be taught that you don't walk through closed doors w/o knocking. And while I've never been a 13yo boy, I am the mother of one (well, nearly), and masturbation really is pretty normal. For escalating it as far as it has been (again, assuming there is nothing else left out), is really the fault of ALL the adults involved. IMO.

 

[BL1993]

Well.... There is no lock on the door to the room where the incident happened. The stepson did acknowledge that it was wrong that he watch these movies. This tells me that he understands that to be unacceptable in our home. He watched the movies on a TV in the rec room and found them on late night HBO as a matter of fact. Something we didn't know was available until the boys told us that the movies were "just on TV". The two boys did not say that they walked in on him, their story is very different. Instead they say that he showed them the movies and then had them go into the laundry room. Then he took his boxers off and "jacked off", holding his boxers out to catch the ejaculate. Next, he had them all go back into the rec room and had them hump the bean bag chairs. The boys said this was to duplicate what they were doing on the movies.

This stepson had, that same time period, been caught surfing porn on his uncle's pc. He was again on a visit to our home when his mom called and cussed him out over the phone. When my husband got on the phone with her, he defended the boy. He explained that it was possible that the uncle had the porn there and he, as he eplained, just ran into it by accident. Apparently he ran up an $800 bill. We defended him and thought he was telling the truth and that the problem was with the uncle. This may in fact be true.. but we now can only think that they boy has at the very least a problem with bounderies. This again was confirmed by two psychologists and with a sexual assessment.

The charges are not for molestation. The charges are two acts of ludeness and one count of dealing in harmful materials to a minor for exposing the boys to the pornography. Again, these are not my charges. The boys were interviewed seperately from the get go by a professional. It is the AG's office that decided to file charges. They say that the boys needs to get some help to insure that his problem doesn't escalate and become worse when he is an adult.

Lastly, they are not taking a defense that he was just masterbating and the boys walked in, at least not in court. Instead they are saying that there was absolutely no incident to speak of. During the initial hearings they admitted to several things, agreeing that indeed 'something' happened. Now it seems the current stance speaks of nothing more than poor parenting on the part of his mother. If it were my boys, they would be accepting responsibility, getting the needed couceling and moving on with their lives.

I agree this could have been handled much better! Also in a way that insures he gets the help he needs. Instead the stepson is being taught that what he exposed his little brothers to is perfectly ok and in the end, lie lie lie if you get caught. Hum, I think that is scary.

 

[stealth2]

So there was a lot more that wasn't included at first. Ignore my earlier post.