Sad situation

[tinaree]

This is a very long drawn out situation but I will try to make it as short as possible, so please bare with me.
My brother and ex girlfriend have a 3 year old daughter together. When the child was just a little over a year old the two split up. My brother and niece came to live with my husband and me. The mother saw the child ocassionally but not on a regular basis. A few months after moving in with us my brother moved out but left my niece with my husband and me to care for. She was in our care until Sept 99 (approx a 1 1/2yrs), at which time she went to live with her father and his new fiance. The mother continued with her old ways of only seeing the child when it was convienent for her. She will go weeks even months at a time without seeing the child. She moves from one place to another never letting anyone know how she can be reached, changes jobs continuely etc.
I might also add that she has two older children that she has relinquished custody of to her ex husband. Now she is asking my brother if she can have the child on a permanent basis, to which he told her no! She has threatened just to not bring her back the next she has her for a visit. If she carries through on her threats we know my brother has no recourse...because after all "she is the mother" as far as the law is concerned, which infuriates me. My brother has been no angel in the past, but he is finally turning his life around. He is trying to be a father to his child, is holding down a steadying job, and has met a very nice girl(who my niece now calls mommy) that he plans to marry this summer. They are not financally well off and it seems that every lawyer in town wants a large sum up front to start custody precedings against the mother and there seems to be a one year waiting list for legal aid. I love this child as though she were my own and the last thing I want is for my brother to lose her.
Can you please give me any advice on where my brother should start. This little girl is only 3 and has been shuffled around like a deck of cards. She is finally in a stable environment. My question is how do we keep her there. I know this is long and believe me there is a lot more I could add but this is the jist of the situation.
Thank you
Tina in WV

 

[usmcfamily]

Yes, this is a sad situation.....all around. If your brother truly wants to pursue legal custody of this little girl his first step should be to contact the local legal aid office - if not sure who to contact he should inquire with the clerk of the family courts in his area...they will know whom to send him to. From legal aid he can get the papers he needs to file for custody - he can do this without a lawyer - legal aid workers can also advise him or put him in touch with a family law attorney who would help him on a basis of what he can pay (i.e. payment plan, etc...). Please, do NOT let finance stand in the way of this childs best interest. Your brother may have to take out a loan (whether from a bank or family) and fight this fight for his daughter - I speak from the stand point of single parent who has done this very thing and it was VERY hard but I knew I had to find the money somehow and protect my baby! If it is important enough he will find a way.
As to the mothers threats - well, once in court when you prove how she has all but abandoned this baby she doesn't look too great. Also, has she made ANY financial contribution to the childs care in the time she has not been the custodial parent??? This will be of great use to your brother in court if she hasn't because it weakens her case even further.
believe it or not there is not such a "she is the mother" attitude in family court anymore....the judges are actually looking at BOTH sides of cases.....from what you have said your nieces mother has done nothing for her and has no stability to offer the child...your brother will have a wife, home and stable family environment to offer the girl....this will be what he looks at! Please ....... don't give up on this just becuase it isn't going to be easy! God Bless

 

[PapaSmurf]

Let's change gender, for a second, and look at this ugly situation from the other side. Let's just say it's reversed. Given what you've written, although it could happen, it's doubtful. Just to reason that she's the mother, will not sway a judge who's worth the robe. Your brother is in a great position, although not financially. If ex was the "mother" she'd already be aware that it's going to be a rough road, convincing
the court the baby would be better off.
Many fathers try the same arguement and lose, hope she does too. -PS