Scared and I need help!! :o(

[dandr1]

Hi, I'm 27 a mother of two boy's and my husband wants a seperation.I haven't worked for 12 years b/c he didn't want me too. Now he is bitching that my 5 year old is in school and that I need to get a job.He said he is not happy with our marriage and that he is in love with someone else.My question is can he kick me out of our house b/c he pays the bills? Can he be seeing this other thing and and live with me? He said he was going to get a place for me and my kid's and help me out as much as he can but be seperated. I don't want the Divorce or the seperation I still love him.I don't know what to do please help!!!

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

My response:

Oh, stop it. Grow up, will you. The guy doesn't love you, and it doesn't matter whether he's seeing someone else or not, and it doesn't matter if you want the divorce on not. "Agreeing" to divorce went out in the 1960's.

Of course he can see the other "thing" and still live with you. He's doing that now, isn't he ?

Take him up on his offer, and get someone else. Or, for that matter, why don't you stay on your own for a few years ? That's something you've never done in your life.

Geez, do you think he's the only "fish" in the sea ? What, he's the only man with a pickup truck and trailer in your neck of the woods ?

Stop crying about nothing. Because, that's what you have.

IAAL

 

[dandr1]

scared and I need help. (

How can you be so cruel!!!!! I come in here asking advice and I get cruel words. Are you a lawyer or what?? I love my husband and was asking for help thanks for nothing *******......

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

Re: scared and I need help. (

How can you be so cruel!!!!! I come in here asking advice and I get cruel words. Are you a lawyer or what?? I love my husband and was asking for help thanks for nothing *******......

My response:

They weren't cruel words. They were words to make you wake up and take charge of your own life. You don't "own" him, and he doesn't "own" you. If someone doesn't love you, or return your affections any longer, then why are you beating your head against a wall ?

You don't need a legal site. You need a shrink to find out why you believe you're not worth something better in life.

IAAL

 

[maryland]

That was cruel

Dandr1 - I am helping a friend through a similar situation. Talk to social services, the family law advisor at your county government, etc. You are not alone, and you are young and have a lot of options, but staying with him does not seem like a good one unles he is willing to go through counseling, etc. Don't leave the house if at all possible, except to find a job - you'll probably enjoy work more than you think. I don't think he can 'kick you out'. Be strong and work on yourself - he will only change when he wants to.
To IAAL - I was disgusted by your tone and harsh words. It's very irresponsible to be responding to people in such a hurtful manner, making accusations, etc. People come here for help, not more pain. She obviously has enough of that at home. Stay off the thread if you cannot be positive.

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

My response:

Bite me.

She needs a kick in the ass, and do something with her life.

She doesn't need to be molly coddled.

IAAL

 

[angel215]

you shouldn't be scared

No he can't kick you out of the house. He will try however and that is when you ask for help. Call up and speak with someone in legal aid or domestic violence in your area. This is consider Adultry. Dear look it up. You would have the upper hand if you can prove it. Many couples stay in the same house and still go through the process. Not recommended. I would start a little bit of research on legal action on adultry and infildelity. If he chooses to see someone while you are married and you can prove it. Then you can stay in your house with your children and they can ask him to leave. He would still be responsible for the bills. You may just want to let him know that you have rights. Please check out your local library on the Law of Divorce and Adultry. You have the upperhand her even though you don't think so. I would also suggest that you pay no mind to the people who can be empathic with your situation.
Many women go through this kind of treatment thinking that they have no hope for survival because they have become dependent on a man. Ladies i am here to tell you that depend only on a man who is dependable. Otherwise Keep searching. If you are in need of any help please email me at [email protected]. If you are at a loss of a place to go don't hesitate, as your children are more important than any stuff you leave behind.

 

[LegalBeagle]

maryland & angel215:

You completely missed the issue in this post. She does not want to be seperated because she still loves the guy, even though he is having sex with another woman. She does not want to prove adultery because she does not care.. Until she realizes that her husband does not want her, and that he is indeed making another woman scream with joy, then there is nothing you can do to help. Say all you want, it will not make a blind bit of difference until she wakes up and realizes that her husband is scum.

 

[BugHogan]

I agree with IAAL and Legal Beagle on this one 100%

They're right, she needs to empower herself. Her husband is a scumbag for cheating on her. And in my experience, someone who has the lack of morals to cheat on their spouse will never change. It's the ultimate betrayal of trust. If she chooses to sit there and feel sorry for herself and allows him to stay and continue this behavior, then she only has herself to blame for her situation. The kids should be first and foremost on her mind. Getting a job would be a step in the right direction. She could get out into the world and realize that there's more to life than this guy. She wouldn't have to depend on him so much for financial support. It sounds like she's been with him since she's been a baby herself.

Sometimes it takes harsh words to make someone wake up and realize life's not a fairytale.

I'm not a lawyer or even very smart, but I have a few years of experience behind me. My advice would be to explore your legal options, kick his butt out of the house and get custody of and support for your kids. Don't put him ahead of your children, he didn't think about them or you when he took on a new girlfriend. It's hard when you love someone, but you have to open your eyes and realize that sometimes the love is not reciprocal. You are deserving of someone who loves you back.

[Edited by BugHogan on 01-02-2001 at 02:43 PM]

 

[Greg Lawritson]

"Don't complain about people wiping their feet on you when you've put yourself out as a doormat."

Your husband has all the morals of an alleycat with no tact or diplomacy for stating the obvious - he's tired of looking at you for what he sees in himself: weakness for responsibility(understatement). I dare say you've allowed this for some time and turned a 'blind eye' to this hoping 'things' will take care of themself. Having gone through this with 4 sisters, YOU will NEVER come to the realization that YOU and YOU KIDS have intrinsic value and are worth much more than he's acknowledging UNTIL life's harsh reality touches YOU and YOUR kids. And, ... it now has! (Jerry Springer makes a living from people with the same situations!)
The initial 'shock' of what 'he' wants and demands, (which was designed that way on his behalf) is scary! Counter his moves by first taking allot of deep breaths, then plan a well thought-out 'defense-turned-attack' by calling ALL your community's legal resources (allot are FREE) and requesting/receiving help and guidance. Your local Police Agency has a list of temporary shelters that accept women with kids, ... these also usually provide counseling to help re-birth your positive way of thinking and somewhat 'de-program' you from what you've been led to believe by Hubby. ONLY IF YOU ARE READY AND WILLING TO MOVE-ON WITHOUT LOOKING BACK WILL YOU BE SUCCESSFUL. You can and will survive if you make the MENTAL, EMOTIONAL, .. and PHYSICAL committment to live life without him.
However, .... in my experience with many, many family members, friends, and co-workers that made it through the SAME situation: if you are NOT TOTALLY committed to break free and start over without contact with this man (other than court ordered visitation) .... see my first statement in quotes at the top of this reply. If you just can't live without this guy, ... see the statement again. If you think staying together with this man will be the best for the kids, ... see my statement. If you think he will change and come to his senses when he sees how much he has hurt you, ... see the statement. I don't mean to be ... 'mean', ... but the spotlight is on you,... and your kids look to you for their support and survival. Don't let them down. Good luck to you.