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Scary Custody Questions

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brotymo

Member
What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? GA
Hello, uncontested divorce was final last month. (ex had found a girlfriend and wanted quick divorce. He was away at training getting ready for year long military deployment) I have primary physical custody of our 3 kids ages 7 to 11. We have joint legal. Now he is overseas, but has decided he was unhappy with divorce terms. He is trying to return to states to change a bunch of things in the divorce. The girlfriend is here in the states (she is now the fiance, and actually had a ring before the divorce) and has full power of attorney.

Here is question. When he returns, I know at a minimum he plans to file for a change of custody. They are planning to slap all this on me and I am glad I have been told (reliable source) but wonder how to counter it since it hasn't happened yet, but I am certain it will! What should I do to prepare?
I also know, but can't prove it in court, that he is telling fiance that she will be the kids' mother. ??!! He has also told her she will have to help them overcome the pain of what they must experience with me. !!?? That is really baffling to me as I truly don't know what he is referring to.
I really worry about parent alienation here if he can succeed. He says at a minimum that he wants the oldest to come live with him. He is already promising the kids (when he talks to them on the phone) things like their own kittens and puppies at his house to sway them to want to be there all the time.

I have been trying to do everything right and fair. I keep the kids in contact with him by emailing (since there is no way to call him) for them, setting up video chat, always answering the phone when he calls. I never badmouth him to them or to anyone else where they could hear AT ALL. I always invite extended family to events the kids are doing, and birthday parties. I have supplied him with all information regarding kids schedules, activities, school information, etc. I encourage his extended family to stay in contact to help the kids feel connected to dad while he is away.

Anyway, what chance would he have to come change custody? What chance would he have to try to say he signed the divorce papers under duress? (he is trying now to paint a picture that is untrue. He is saying that I up and left him. I did have to be the plaintiff since he was out of state training, and he insisted on my filing or he would withhold support from me the entire year he was gone) I think his idea is to start over from scratch by saying he signed the papers under duress. He is already pulling strings to get back in country anytime, and he may succeed, so I can't sit back knowing he will be gone several more months. This is very stressful for me, and I just need some solid advice.
Thanks for the advice
 


BelizeBreeze

Senior Member
brotymo said:
What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? GA
Hello, uncontested divorce was final last month. (ex had found a girlfriend and wanted quick divorce. He was away at training getting ready for year long military deployment) I have primary physical custody of our 3 kids ages 7 to 11. We have joint legal. Now he is overseas, but has decided he was unhappy with divorce terms. He is trying to return to states to change a bunch of things in the divorce. The girlfriend is here in the states (she is now the fiance, and actually had a ring before the divorce) and has full power of attorney.
O.K. nice story.
Here is question. When he returns, I know at a minimum he plans to file for a change of custody. They are planning to slap all this on me and I am glad I have been told (reliable source) but wonder how to counter it since it hasn't happened yet, but I am certain it will! What should I do to prepare?
Nothing. It will be up to him to show a change of circumstances significant enough for a judge to issue a NEW order.
I also know, but can't prove it in court, that he is telling fiance that she will be the kids' mother. ??!!
Irrelevant
He has also told her she will have to help them overcome the pain of what they must experience with me. !!??
Irrelevant
That is really baffling to me as I truly don't know what he is referring to.
Doesn't matter, it's irrelevant.
I really worry about parent alienation here if he can succeed. He says at a minimum that he wants the oldest to come live with him. He is already promising the kids (when he talks to them on the phone) things like their own kittens and puppies at his house to sway them to want to be there all the time.
And you don't think a judge will take this into account?
I have been trying to do everything right and fair. I keep the kids in contact with him by emailing (since there is no way to call him) for them, setting up video chat, always answering the phone when he calls. I never badmouth him to them or to anyone else where they could hear AT ALL. I always invite extended family to events the kids are doing, and birthday parties. I have supplied him with all information regarding kids schedules, activities, school information, etc. I encourage his extended family to stay in contact to help the kids feel connected to dad while he is away.
Then continue doing just that.
Anyway, what chance would he have to come change custody? What chance would he have to try to say he signed the divorce papers under duress?
100%. And the first question the judge will ask is "How old are you?" It's a lame excuse and the burden of proof is on him to show what the duress was.
(he is trying now to paint a picture that is untrue. He is saying that I up and left him. I did have to be the plaintiff since he was out of state training, and he insisted on my filing or he would withhold support from me the entire year he was gone) I think his idea is to start over from scratch by saying he signed the papers under duress. He is already pulling strings to get back in country anytime, and he may succeed, so I can't sit back knowing he will be gone several more months. This is very stressful for me, and I just need some solid advice.
Thanks for the advice
take a chill pill because UNTIL he files, it's all just empty talk and there's nothing you can do.
 

lisagr33

Member
my advice to you is contact an attorney. fill them in on everything you have posted here and let the attorney tell you what your options are. it sounds to me like the girlfriend/fiance is trying to manipulate the situation. as for him telling her that she will be the childrens' mom is disrespect to you. my ex has basically told my children to call his new wife mom because it would be better to do that.
 

brotymo

Member
Thanks to all who have replied. I just can't help but worry. I know about quite a few things the ex and his fiance have been researching into my financial situation and some personal history, and I can only worry that they are trying to do something destructive to my character that they can use as their argument in the custody thing. I am not overly worried b/c I don't have damaging secrets, but I just wonder what they are trying to fabricate.

Anything proactive that would help with my defense would be good. Also, if he takes me to court and fails to have the changes made, is it likely that a judge would require him to reimburse my legal fees?
 

casa

Senior Member
brotymo said:
Thanks to all who have replied. I just can't help but worry. I know about quite a few things the ex and his fiance have been researching into my financial situation and some personal history, and I can only worry that they are trying to do something destructive to my character that they can use as their argument in the custody thing. I am not overly worried b/c I don't have damaging secrets, but I just wonder what they are trying to fabricate.

Anything proactive that would help with my defense would be good. Also, if he takes me to court and fails to have the changes made, is it likely that a judge would require him to reimburse my legal fees?
Make sure you ask in the very first filings for attorney's fees.

He'll have to prove a change of circumstance in order to convince the court to give him custody. That is difficult to do if you are a fit parent. You can look online for your state's Family Law guidelines as to what constitutes a change of circumstance.

The fact that he's deployable will only help you...whether he has a fiance/wife or not.

And I agree with BB~ he's a grown man & a judge isn't likely to believe he was under 'duress'. :cool:
 

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