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School forms, phone calls, & Recitals

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W

willitend

Guest
What is the name of your state? AZ

I have been reading some of the forums and am now concerned. I have sole legal and physical custody of my daughter. Her dad has visitiation every other weekend and 30 days in the summer.
I had problems with him removing her from her school during the day last year even though he lives an hour and a half away. This year she is in a new district. However, where he dad's info was requested on the school forms, I put "does not have custody". (I gave them a copy of the custody papers with all of his information) I then put my husbands information down. Does anyone know if this is not right according to AZ law?
Also, My ex calls constantly demanding to talk to my daughter. Between my one night a week at school, her music and dance and cheer lessons and squad we are not home very much in the evenings. He claims he is entitled to talk to her at least twice a week by law. There is nothing about phone calls in our custody order, only physical visitaiton. Is this required?
Also he claims I am required by law to inform him of all of her school and dance programs so he can attend. I know I cannot block him receiving information about her I even arranged with the school for both of us to have conference, just at separate times, but I did not think I had to make a long distance call to inform him of her performances, especially when she does not want him there. It should be his responsibility to find out. He receives weekly updates from the school via the mail on what is going on. Do I have any responsibility to keep him informed??
Sorry this is so long, but this has been going on for 3 1/2 years and I am beyond tired of it.
 


stephenk

Senior Member
Contact the school and see if they can send performance and recital notices to him also. If no, then make a copy of the notices and mail it to him. He is entitled to see his daughter perform even if she and you dont want him there.

The court order regarding visitation is what stands. I am not aware of any Arizona statute that requires two phone calls a week to the non-custodial parent. When he does call and your daughter is home, do you refuse his request to speak with her?

You should talk with the school principal regarding who can be allowed to remove your daughter from school. The custody order is what counts. If ex shows up at school there should be a directive from the principal that you are to be contacted and your daughter not allowed to go unless you give permission.
 
W

willitend

Guest
Phone calls

The school sends him a copy of her planner- their weekly schedules so he gets the same info I do.

As for the phone calls, I always let her talk to him unless she is in the shower - but then I let her know he called - and I make a point of telling her while he is on the line so he can't accuse me of not giving her the message and have her call when she gets out. The only other time I have not answered has been when it is after her bedtime. He has a nasty habit of calling 3-4 minutes before bedtime- which he is well aware of - and then continuing to talk to her and even makes her feel guilty for having to get off the phone. Then he starts this "no you hang up first" routine that lasts for usually about 5 min- I actually timed it once to make sure I wasn't overexagerating.

As for school - they have it in writting and I have spoken with all of her teachers, the office staff and the principal about who can or cannot pick her up.

Unfortuanately my other problem is she came home injured from his last visitation and we spent the night in the ER. The ER room called in CPS- however since she and her dad were "rough housing" when it happened they have again - for the third such incident -attributed her injury to a "lack of wisdom on the part of the father". I am at my wits end. CPS advised me to hire a lawyer and petition to revise the visitation. Unfortunately the three lawyers I found even willing to take on the case want more in retainer than I can possibly come up with since my husband and I are both going to college. We are both almost done so all we can do is hope for the best until we make enough to do something about it.
 

Whyte Noise

Senior Member
I have searched and searched, and I can find nothing that says, "BY LAW" you must inform him of any school activities he would want to attend, nor anything that says "BY LAW" you must allow hime 2 phone visits per week.

Why doesn't he take an active roll in his child's life and call the school himself? Sheesh.... I live 21 hours from my ex and children, but on parent/teacher conference days I call the school to have my conference with the kid's teachers. The teachers set me up a time just like I was coming in for a physical meeting, and I simply pick up the phone and dial at the set time. I get progress reports and report cards. (Well, my oldest daughter's school didn't send me her mid-term report, and I found out 2 weeks later she'd gotten an F in Science, so I called the school and asked them WHY I hadn't received it. They sent it the next day to me.) When they have fundraisers, I buy what I can to support my children. Their school will videotape any play or performance they have if you just ask, so even though I can't be there for the actual event, I get a videotape of it for a small fee. How do I know these things? Because I ASKED about them. That's all he has to do. He can get off his duff and find out these things if he doesn't already know them. And if he gets a weekly itinerary Why wouldn't he already know these things? Why should you have to call to tell him something he already knows?! *Methinks this might just be a control issue on his part, to see if he can get you to jump through hoops, or perhaps 'scare' you with the "by law" angle*

The next time he brought up the "by law" tactic, I'd simply ask him to show me that particular statute. You'll more than likely get a response along the lines of...... "My lawyer told me, blah, blah, blah......" In other words, he'd be bluffing.

You can file a visitation modification yourself. You don't absolutely HAVE to have an attorney. Yes, it's advisable, but you can go it alone if need be, or perhaps pay an attorney to be your consultant throughout the filing and court appearance. Just get his advice on what papers to file, etc. I imagine it would be a lot cheaper to hire one as an advisor than to have one represent you fully.
 

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