School Questions

[CheeseHead]

I have my kids Monday - Thursday. My ex has them on fridays. We do not get along. We have joint physical and joint legal custody.

Am I obligated to copy everything that comes from the school and give it to her or shouldnt she be going in on Fridays and finding out from the teachers. Thursday night when her husband picked the kids up he sent my oldest back in with a note that I am not keeping her informed and "as their mother" she has a right to know.

How would you respond to this?

 

[nextwife]

Ok, as one Cheesehead to another. Just make the darn copies and either fax them to her as they arrive or send them in your kiddo's backpack. That way she can never make an issue of it. Sometimes Friday is a little late to find out about something that one may need to make arrangements to attend.

Don't have a fax machine at home? Cheap new, you can even go to Goodwill and get a fax machine for outgoing faxes for about ten bucks.

 

[CheeseHead]

I am not trying to be difficult and I am sure I will be nailed for saying what I am about to say but I really feel this women is getting away with doing nothing.

On thursdays her husband picks the kids up. I dont have an issue with that, its there lives and they may do what they want when they have the kids. On fridays he takes them to school and picks them up. On the one friday he was out of town she just kept them home. what happens over there is there business BUT when she now expects me to do her work for her as "their mother" and get all the school information for her, isnt that a little out of line?

 

[stealth2]

Even easier - speak to the school and ask that they provide duplicates of ALL notices sent home. Fax/email about time sensitive stuff, send the rest in a folder on Thursday. This is one of those "is this a hill you want to die on" matters, IMO.

 

[CheeseHead]

I know what you are trying to stealth...I really do. Cant she also go in and asked the school to the same. For two years now our schedule has been this way. Through kindergarten - 2nd grade with our oldest. Suddenly I am not keeping her informed enough. I just feel, if she can take the time to write me a note, write the teachers notes too. I just feel like ignoring her note and making her deal with it on her own.

 

[nextwife]

I'd tell either parent the same thing: Don't be petty.

Whatever came home to you should be shared. No, she should not keep the kids home merely because hubby is out of town. I have no patience with woman or men who wait for others to "do for them".

However, I'd rather be the magnanimous one and just send off what I get and be done with any potential discussion of what I "should have" or "could have" done. She can't argue about it if you just send it. You are doing this for YOUR kids, not for her.

 

[stealth2]

Agreed with nw. At least one of you needs to be an adult. You should both be sharing stuff - sure it's annoying, but is it THAT huge of an effort on your part to call the school? Is it really worth the time you're spending on it now, being annoyed?

 

[Britlandco]

Do it yourself!

My ex is totally NOT involved in my kid's school stuff. The only thing he might be interested in is the school calendar...he can march his own lazy butt in and get it himself!

 

[nextwife]

...he can march his own lazy butt in and get it himself!

And refusing to make your ex aware of events that YOUR KIDS may wish to have their other parent attend benefits your children HOW!!!!!!

 

[stealth2]

My ex and I have gone back and forth on the school info bus. First I provided too much, then not enough. Yes, I finally gave him the schools' numbers and suggested that he contact them to ask how to get the info he wanted/needed. I also made sure to let them know that I expected them to comply with his requests as he is their father. Even so, I still email him with any pertinent information apart from grades (he gets their report cards). Do I have to? Of course not. But at least I know that I've done the right thing. This is really NOT such a huge issue.

 

[Whyte Noise]

I'm a CP and NCP both. I have custody of one of our children, and my ex husband has custody of 2 of our children.

As an NCP, I never waited for him to send me a thing. I called the schools myself, sent them a copy of our decree and had it put in their permanant record, and a letter requesting that I get all report cards and progress reports mailed to me.

As a CP, our daughter's school has a letter from me with her father's address on it, a copy of our decree, and a formal written request that all report cards and progress reports be sent to him.

It's really not that complicated.

Obligated to do it? Only if your decree says you are to keep her informed. However, I don't see the big deal of telling the school to send her copies of everything you get. It'll take a 5 minute phone call and maybe having to send them a copy of your decree.

It's better to be proactive than reactive.