School suspension for an autistic child

[hkcon]

Nevada. I am not sure this is where this should go but I couldn't see anywhere else that seemed more correct so...
Here is the story, My 12 yr old son is a high functioning autistic child at the Asperger's end of the spectrum though not diagnosed, in other words very smart but has repetitive speech patterns and mind patterns that he has little to no control over. He is in 6th grade and has a standing 504, they said he did not need and IEP even though we pushed for it, which has certain things specified in it like extra time to take tests, the option to take tests on paper when available, and specifically an assigned seat on the bus away from other children so he doesn't get caught up in their conversations and actions. The bus has a driver, obviously, and a "bus aide" who is charged with keeping order on the bus. The bus aide on my son's bus, we have come to find out, is autistic as well and needs a weighted blanket and a doll to keep help her stay calm. She moved my son to another seat at the front of the bus because his repetitive speech was giving her anxiety which she called disruptive and we were not informed of the seat change. The other day my son heard the other kids playing a game and it made him think of a grenade that is used in a game he plays that knocks down buildings and asked if they thought they could build a "non destructive one" for first period. The conversation was being listened to by the bus driver and the aide was not involved as she was not near enough to hear it. The driver allowed the conversation to go on and ultimately filed a report and my son got suspended for 9 days and is banned from riding the bus. They have called it a credible bomb threat, yet they did not follow any bomb threat protocols and the boys have not been charged. My son, being autistic with the repetitive speech issue has to be redirected by an outside source to get off a topic and since the autistic bus aide was not doing her job this conversation, which to my mind could have and should have been stopped after the first sentence, was allowed to go on back and forth to the point that one child said he could build it. So, do you think that my child should be treated as a regular child and given this harsh a punishment and do you think the transportation company has any liability? My son is very well behaved and follows rules very well if he knows them, we had talked to him about not bringing up guns, I own several, in school but grenades was not a topic we spoke specifically about so he was unaware. I feel like if the bus driver who was clearly listening and who filed the report had just pulled the bus over and said hey we are not talking about this on the bus it would have been the end of the story. That, coupled with the bus aide and her autistic issues, seem to give us a situation where protocols were not followed that could have kept the situation from devolving into the "bomb" threat and the suspension and ban. Please let me know what you all think.

 

[commentator]

You are asking "what we think" about the situation. Obviously, you just want to talk about it, have no real action you are considering taking, no appeal or any process you are considering going through. And that's pretty much the way it is. You have what you have been told. Your son's repetitive speech problems have not kept him from being in the age appropriate class, it sounds like, and though you have a diagnosis, that does not except him from being liable for his behaviors.

Should he have been punished, though he has a diagnosis? Yes, in my opinion this was okay. Does the transportation company have any liability? For what? it sounds like they were on the ball, were trying to keep a bad situation from happening. Whether it really would have or not, the words were said, the things were overheard that were, after all, inappropriate.

Apparently he got to talking for an extended period of time about making a grenade to blow up the school. The bus driver did some extra research, picked him out as the one who was leading this discussion. Therefore, he is the one who got the punishment. This seems pretty fair to me. He should not be excused from punishment simply because he has neurological differences that cause him to be inclined to behave in such a manner.

We have in our family a young man who has many problems similar to those you describe. And one of his most severe social issues is that he has learned to hit upon what other people consider painful, controversial or unpleasant topics and simply refuse to get off them, because of the attention he is getting by his refusal to stop talking. Strong deterrent measures are the only things that work well and are sometimes necessary. Discussions of torture, self immolation, and forms of genocide or school attacks are not dinner table conversation or school bus conversation. Isolation from his peers for a period of time sounds like a fair and reasonable punishment for him to me.

Your idea that all you have to do is discuss it specifically with your son and he will not do something inappropriate like discuss weapons is a nice idea. I hope it is accurate. But in a way, you really cannot have total confidence that your son will always acccept your suggestions and not do what you have told him not to do. And he needs to understand that eventually there will come a time when you cannot always be a buffer to deliver him from any consequences of his behavior.

 

[not2cleverRed]

Your son is old enough and intelligent enough to have been taught by now that other people can feel threatened by talking about using weapons in school.

My perspective: my child was threatened on the bus when she was in kindergarten, something to the effect of, "I'm going to bring my dad's gun and shoot you between the eyes." Similar threats had been made by the same child to other kids. I notified the district of the incident, and requested that my child not be seated nearby. Because this was a 5 year old boy.

Don't make excuses for your son.