Generally speaking, childcare is defined as care necessary to provide the parent the opportunity to work outside of the home. In your case it sounds like the before and after care program will definitely be considered partly your responsibility. You are usually not legally responsible for any school tuition (public or private) unless it's either 1)agree upon in advance in CO - or 2)sought and won in court. The only sticky part is if the cost of private school is combined with before and after care. That is the situation my husband is currently in. He has now recived advise from 2 different atty's stating that either 1) the whole cost will be the Ex's - or 2)the cost of a similar before/after school program will be credited to the Ex even though it is not technically paid for, since the tuition cost includes it. The first atty claimed that the IRS does not consider Kindergarten tuition as an eligible expense for the Child and Dependent Care credit, and that any before and after costs can ONLY ne included if they can be separated out in billing, so neither should a judge for C/S. The second atty basically said that although the Ex was recieveing the benefit of "free" before/after care, by way of paying for Kindergarten tuition, that it does not alleviate the NCP from paying his portion of what would be necessary should the child have been enrolled in public school. I hope this makes at least some sense.
You said you are currently paying 1/2 of daycare. Is this through your C/S order, or do you pay directly to the Ex or daycare provider for your part of the expenses?
Also, you asked what if we send her to private K. I would think twice about agreeing to private school unless you wish (and can afford) to continue. I have heard of a LOT of cases where as long as private school was agreed upon for one school year, that judges are very likely to order that it continue throughout the rest of schooling. They consider it in "the best interest of the child" to continue upon a path originally sought out. If you cant afford it anymore due to financial constraints, too bad. I think that's why I have such a prob with family court in general. It's supposed to be about keeping status quo for the kids, but your F'ed if your situation ever changes. I guess it's beyond the realm of possibility that had the parents stayed married, that situations could get worse too.