second child

[nicole_1005]

What is the name of your state? Kentucky

I am forum jumping here


I have one son by this dude and currently 8 months pregnant with our second one. we have had CS and Visitation scedualed with our first child, I am not sure on how the visitation will be set for this child. I have been told that they can not take the child away from me for the first year but was told it was suppost to be two. I want a bond with this child, where our first child didn't have such a bond with either of us going back and forth starting from 8-9 months.

I know they can't start visitation with the child at only a few months but i don't know how they might do it .
will someone please help me on this. I'm worried, is there a way i can ge them to hold off on night standard weekend visitation till he's old enoguht like we did with our first one, since the first child is on standard weekends?

 

[Halls]

Ok, if you and this dude keep making babies together why don't you just get married or something so there won't have to be any more court orders, visitation, etc... Why do you want to keep doing this to children? Didn't you and him learn the first time around how hard this was on a child?

 

[nicole_1005]

oh man i wish it was that simple. after we had our son, he left didn't speak to me for 6 months i had to find him with his friends to get him to go to the ultra sounds. this had caused so much stress on me that i ended up in the icu he came sown balling wanting to work it out so we did soon after words he left and i was once again getting him in front of his friends to come see his son untill i took him for child support and now he has visitation about a year later we had gotton back together everything was good and we decided that we both wanted two kids so they would be close together so thats what we done... i am currently 8 months pregnant and five weeks pregnant he had left and i have been completly by myself on this one. I have wrote him letters and tried talking to him about being a family for our sons but nothing. three weeks ago we had gotton back together last week he dropewd us off at my place and never showed back up untill i found out that he ( 23 ) had been running around with one 14 yr. old and 2 15 yr. olds. he spent an entire week doing this and me and his mom had been tring to straighten all this out but he just said he is having to much fun to have the head ach of having a g/f. ( don't ask me ) he wants to be at the hopsital which i want him to just hard to see him there and us not together. I have tried the last 8 months for him to straighten up and be around all of us. but he won't ( call me a fool for waiting for this guy ) I already know i am. Last night was when they told me that he had changed his mind again and took off on us again. we have been together for the last 4 years. basiclly off and on.


thats why i am back to the cs and visitation.

sry about the babbaling. hope you understand all that

 

[waitinMd]

You must be awful young also. I read your previous post concerning meeting at the state police barracks and it doesn't sound like you can take care of yourself well. It's worth getting training/education for yourself so you can take care of everything independently.

I got my infant daughter when she was 6 weeks and 2 days old for overnights. I get her half the year, and my ex gets her the other half. It is split 50/50.

My ex is 18 and she does not even have her GED. She quit at 15. She works for 3 weeks here, 3 there. She goes between her mother's house and her violent boyfriends house. My mother ended up taking her to court in January for breaking into our house. She was court ordered to get her GED. She is also getting counseling and getting training through the state to get a good job. She hated my mother for months, but finally admitted that if my mother hadn't taken her to court, she would never have applied for GED classes, or apprenticeship services through the state.

Things are still rough, and I hate her more times than I like her. I do feel better though, knowing she is advancing.

 

[nicole_1005]

Yeah on the other posts those were last year and when all this was going on with my first son i was tring to explaine that it takes time well a year has been enough time lol i have my own place me and my son live there alone me 8 months pregnant i still don't have a vehichle but should be getting one very soon if they have me meet them usually i can get a neighbor to take me. but all terms are good as far as me and his family getting alone. his mom is talking tohim about comming and getting him for my mothers insurance is out at the moment and i had asked if she would acompany him for what has went on the last month. I am going to school in the spring and not going to work i don't want that much time taken from me and my kids.

 

[waitinMd]

I'm not trying to dump on you. But you do sound like you are trying to hang onto this guy. Especially the comment you made about him seeing the younger girls and you still wanting him.

A couple can have the perfect marriage, the white fence... the whole package.
My worry is.... people die. What if that perfect world is shattered by a car accident? Take care of yourself and your kids, and if things work out later great. But don't hang onto him or get all upset about visitation yet. You already know he will get to see the child!

Maybe you could work something out without going to court. Try mediation this time.

Good Luck, I hope you work it out. I would want to keep the 2 children together, plus... Dad may not be able to handle 2 children at once, overnight.. he may be happy to give the infant back until he/she gets older!

Stop fretting, you're prego... relax...

 

[nicole_1005]

anyway my life is great as far as supporting and taking car of my son and this one soon to be here. I'm just worried about my son going over there on standard visitation right after he';s born. i have tried to talk to him about being around for our son's but he said he is having to much fun. only ones he's been hanging out with is underage girls I'm worried he will be put in jail and not be there for them at all.

 

[nicole_1005]

I'm not trying to dump on you. But you do sound like you are trying to hang onto this guy. Especially the comment you made about him seeing the younger girls and you still wanting him.

A couple can have the perfect marriage, the white fence... the whole package.
My worry is.... people die. What if that perfect world is shattered by a car accident? Take care of yourself and your kids, and if things work out later great. But don't hang onto him or get all upset about visitation yet. You already know he will get to see the child!

Maybe you could work something out without going to court. Try mediation this time.

Good Luck, I hope you work it out. I would want to keep the 2 children together, plus... Dad may not be able to handle 2 children at once, overnight.. he may be happy to give the infant back until he/she gets older!

Stop fretting, you're prego... relax...

we did mediation last time. was rail roaded alot on it. but we got to the point where they are abit conciderate on how much a person can do.

his visitations are at his mom's he's hardly around when he has him so having them there is no problem. i'm just worried that they will have this one all weekend like with our first one. with him being so young if he gets him right off the bat.

 

[waitinMd]

You know, I'm a guy, so I figure that he is probably freaked out with the extra responsibility. He is acting immature.

Back off and ignore him unless he calls you. If his family calls be nice, but don't let them know you are worrying. He will come around....

Like you said, he wanted another baby! When he does come around, ask him what visitation he is thinking of, and try to get him to compromise. If you ask him first, he won't be so defensive.

Maybe his Mom is going to help him with the infant? I loved having my infant daughter half the time. She is 11 months old now!

I have to go to the store to get huggies.... I get my baby tomorrow morning. I will check back later.

Don't worry so much! It will work out. Read your old posts... you have come a long way. Be proud of yourself.

 

[Halls]

NIcole, in many states there is no set standard for visitation for an newborn. Most judges will start something slow for a newborn and work the infant up t a more stable schedule as the child ages. If you don't have a lawyer now you should start talking to one to help you come up with a good schedule for your new child with this guy.

 

[nicole_1005]

thank you we are off to.

I will check back later if anyone has any more advice .

 

[waitinMd]

we did mediation last time. was rail roaded alot on it. but we got to the point where they are abit conciderate on how much a person can do.

his visitations are at his mom's he's hardly around when he has him so having them there is no problem. i'm just worried that they will have this one all weekend like with our first one. with him being so young if he gets him right off the bat.

You posted too fast! So his Mom is in this also, that is why he wanted him overnights all weekend.

Then at mediation this time don't budge on overnights. At least not two nights in a row until she/he is older. Tell the mediator how you feel. Print out the standard visitation schedule from the internet and present it to the mediator and your ex. If it gets ugly, tell the mediator that he is not spending his parenting time with your son, his mother is. That is not what visitation is for!

 

[waitinMd]

P.S. I you get a good mediator, he/she will tell him that if you go to court, the judge will not look foundly at him for leaving his son with his mother, plus he will learn that judges usually don't give infants to fathers for overnights right off the bat!

Call legal aid or talk to a lawyer and get a consult. Good Luck.

 

[nicole_1005]

P.S. I you get a good mediator, he/she will tell him that if you go to court, the judge will not look foundly at him for leaving his son with his mother, plus he will learn that judges usually don't give infants to fathers for overnights right off the bat!

Call legal aid or talk to a lawyer and get a consult. Good Luck.

The mediator we had the judge had sent us too which was the child support officer before i posted here i called them and asked them about it and they said they are strickly told against even discussing any visitation issues. if you look at my last posts you will see all the problems i was having with the mediation and now.. with her having som many complaints the judge was forced to do it him self i guess but the judge we kept going to wasn't family jugde.


( QUOTE ) Then at mediation this time don't budge on overnights. At least not two nights in a row until she/he is older. Tell the mediator how you feel. Print out the standard visitation schedule from the internet and present it to the mediator and your ex. If it gets ugly, tell the mediator that he is not spending his parenting time with your son, his mother is. That is not what visitation is for! ( QUOTE )


the judge did start to do it ( the visitation ) and i tol dhim i didn't want it there for some illegal activities there and he said to go do mediation and sent us to the woman at the child support officer his rule was gonna be over nights at his mom's the papers say mom's but we agreed oin his grandma's....

 

[fairisfair]

no offense but who is really supporting you and your children, YOU or US??

your judge did not address visitation because this was an action taken by the STATE correct??