Seeking Custody

[Chelle0578]

What is the name of your state? Illinois

Ok, as previous threads state...I'm dealing with some issues with my ex. We are due in court on the 11th of July, she has filed for an increase in child support and she wants me to pay full medical insurance and 100% of medical bills that insurance does not cover (actually she filed about a month ago, and never showed up for court ...so the state has jumped in and filed for the child support increase and medical). After spending the day with family and discussing all of the issues...we have decided to file for custody due to a change in circumstance.

I'm going to list what I have and please let me know what you think:

1. She lives with and is married to a felon. His charges range from DUI's, Drugs, assault towards a police office with a weapon, and I believe there are some battery charges as well.

2. In the 4 years we have been divorced she has had 2 jobs and worked a total of 6-7 months. Last job, her husband took off with her car in a rage and she was fired.

3. She lives in a trailer with no running water (it's been this way for about a year). The only baths my child gets is here every other weekend.

4. Up until the last month they were all staying in another trailer with a friend (a total of 11people in a 2 bdr trailer) b/c their electricity was shut off and they didnt have the $$ to pay the bill. My daughter was sharing a couch with another child, even on school nights when she needed adequate rest.

5. In the past she has been held in contempt for visitation interference, we were issued make up visitations etc. She does not support a healthy relationship between my daughter and I. In the past I've went months without seeing her due to this.

6. She is pregnant with her 3rd child, which she can not afford.

7. She had my daughter on Ridalin b/c she doesnt like to "deal with her". Dr's. in her town feel my daughter doesnt need the med and she had to travel an hour to find a Dr. that will give it to her. She no longer makes the travel b/c she can't afford it.

8. DCFS has been involved numerous times. I've called twice, the school once, and an unknown source another time. I called b/c her husband beat her with an extension cord and threw a microwave at her (mother). And called another time b/c her husband threw a tire iron through the windshiled of the car when she was trying to leave with children. My daughter was cut with the glass. DCFS removed her for 8 hrs and placed her with maternal grandmother who threatened to spank her for telling. School called b/c of burn on her back, my daughter stated her step-dad pushed her into the kitchen stove that they were using for heat, weeks later daughter changed story saying it was a "rug burn". She's 7...that was cohersed.

9. She says she wants to live here b/c step dad is mean.

Other issues, I've got to think and will post later. Please reply.

 

[MrsK]

What is the name of your state? Illinois

Ok, as previous threads state...I'm dealing with some issues with my ex. We are due in court on the 11th of July, she has filed for an increase in child support and she wants me to pay full medical insurance and 100% of medical bills that insurance does not cover (actually she filed about a month ago, and never showed up for court ...so the state has jumped in and filed for the child support increase and medical). After spending the day with family and discussing all of the issues...we have decided to file for custody due to a change in circumstance.

I'm going to list what I have and please let me know what you think:

1. She lives with and is married to a felon. His charges range from DUI's, Drugs, assault towards a police office with a weapon, and I believe there are some battery charges as well.

2. In the 4 years we have been divorced she has had 2 jobs and worked a total of 6-7 months. Last job, her husband took off with her car in a rage and she was fired.

3. She lives in a trailer with no running water (it's been this way for about a year). The only baths my child gets is here every other weekend.

4. Up until the last month they were all staying in another trailer with a friend (a total of 11people in a 2 bdr trailer) b/c their electricity was shut off and they didnt have the $$ to pay the bill. My daughter was sharing a couch with another child, even on school nights when she needed adequate rest.

5. In the past she has been held in contempt for visitation interference, we were issued make up visitations etc. She does not support a healthy relationship between my daughter and I. In the past I've went months without seeing her due to this.

6. She is pregnant with her 3rd child, which she can not afford.

7. She had my daughter on Ridalin b/c she doesnt like to "deal with her". Dr's. in her town feel my daughter doesnt need the med and she had to travel an hour to find a Dr. that will give it to her. She no longer makes the travel b/c she can't afford it.

8. DCFS has been involved numerous times. I've called twice, the school once, and an unknown source another time. I called b/c her husband beat her with an extension cord and threw a microwave at her (mother). And called another time b/c her husband threw a tire iron through the windshiled of the car when she was trying to leave with children. My daughter was cut with the glass. DCFS removed her for 8 hrs and placed her with maternal grandmother who threatened to spank her for telling. School called b/c of burn on her back, my daughter stated her step-dad pushed her into the kitchen stove that they were using for heat, weeks later daughter changed story saying it was a "rug burn". She's 7...that was cohersed.

9. She says she wants to live here b/c step dad is mean.

Other issues, I've got to think and will post later. Please reply.

Numbers 2, 6 and 9 definetly do not matter.

Numbers 1, 4 and 7 probably do not matter.

Numbers 3, 5 and 8 probably matter.

Knowing how the family courts generally are, however, I would say you dont stand too good of a chance. But maybe someone else can offer you more help.

Good luck.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? Illinois

Ok, as previous threads state...I'm dealing with some issues with my ex. We are due in court on the 11th of July, she has filed for an increase in child support and she wants me to pay full medical insurance and 100% of medical bills that insurance does not cover (actually she filed about a month ago, and never showed up for court ...so the state has jumped in and filed for the child support increase and medical). After spending the day with family and discussing all of the issues...we have decided to file for custody due to a change in circumstance.

I'm going to list what I have and please let me know what you think:

1. She lives with and is married to a felon. His charges range from DUI's, Drugs, assault towards a police office with a weapon, and I believe there are some battery charges as well.

Might be revelant, depending on how long ago the convictions were.

2. In the 4 years we have been divorced she has had 2 jobs and worked a total of 6-7 months. Last job, her husband took off with her car in a rage and she was fired.

Not relevant at all

3. She lives in a trailer with no running water (it's been this way for about a year). The only baths my child gets is here every other weekend.

Could be relevant, should be relevant in my opinion, but I know of a similar situation in my state where CPS did not consider it to be relevant.

4. Up until the last month they were all staying in another trailer with a friend (a total of 11people in a 2 bdr trailer) b/c their electricity was shut off and they didnt have the $$ to pay the bill. My daughter was sharing a couch with another child, even on school nights when she needed adequate rest.

No longer relevant as she no longer lives there. However, I would also like to point out that 3 and 4 contradict each other.

5. In the past she has been held in contempt for visitation interference, we were issued make up visitations etc. She does not support a healthy relationship between my daughter and I. In the past I've went months without seeing her due to this.

That could be relevant, if there are new instances of contempt that have not been addressed.

6. She is pregnant with her 3rd child, which she can not afford.

irrelevant

7. She had my daughter on Ridalin b/c she doesnt like to "deal with her". Dr's. in her town feel my daughter doesnt need the med and she had to travel an hour to find a Dr. that will give it to her. She no longer makes the travel b/c she can't afford it.

Then your daughter is no longer on ritalin, therefore it is irrelevant.

8. DCFS has been involved numerous times. I've called twice, the school once, and an unknown source another time. I called b/c her husband beat her with an extension cord and threw a microwave at her (mother). And called another time b/c her husband threw a tire iron through the windshiled of the car when she was trying to leave with children. My daughter was cut with the glass. DCFS removed her for 8 hrs and placed her with maternal grandmother who threatened to spank her for telling. School called b/c of burn on her back, my daughter stated her step-dad pushed her into the kitchen stove that they were using for heat, weeks later daughter changed story saying it was a "rug burn". She's 7...that was cohersed.

Could be very relevant depending upon what the CPS reports would say. However if CPS says the complaints were "unfounded", then it could make you look bad.

9. She says she wants to live here b/c step dad is mean.

If you get a GAL involved and the GAL finds the child to be credible on that issue it might help. Otherwise though, kids don't get to decide.


All in all, I am not sure that you have enough.....particularly since CPS (other than the 8 hours you mentioned earlier) hasn't yanked the kids.

 

[Chelle0578]

Might be revelant, depending on how long ago the convictions were.
Last conviction was a little over a year ago. But they started in 1995, isn't 11 years of convivtions like a track record...doesn't this show it is likely to continue.


Not relevant at all



Could be relevant, should be relevant in my opinion, but I know of a similar situation in my state where CPS did not consider it to be relevant.

I called DCFS "anonymous", just to see what they would say about the water, and they stated they could use bottled water, which is true but she is always terribly dirty and smells bad...this causes other children at school to make fun of her, etc. I feel so sorry for her...when she comes here and bathes and wears clean clothes she acts as if this is a "fairyland", we are an average family that works...we don't have much extras. But...we do have dignity and class.

No longer relevant as she no longer lives there. However, I would also like to point out that 3 and 4 contradict each other.

Actually they don't contradict each other, sorry I wasn't clear...they've lived in their trailer for for about a year and a half...but the electricity was shut off so they kept their trailer but were living in another trailer with another family for about 3 months, about 2 weeks ago they got electricity turned back on, and are now back at their trailer, which still has no working water. And...they dont have a furnace and used the cooking stove to heat the trailer all the winter.

That could be relevant, if there are new instances of contempt that have not been addressed.
There isn't any new instances of this, but I thought the court sided with the parent that supported a healthy relationship with the child and other parent. She has been there each time recenlty...shows up about 30 minutes late and I have to sit and wait
irrelevant



Then your daughter is no longer on ritalin, therefore it is irrelevant.
This is temporary, last weekend when I picked my daughter up for visitation my ex was telling me that she was going to get her back on Ridalin, as soon as she could find a ride to the Dr. an hour away to get it.

Could be very relevant depending upon what the CPS reports would say. However if CPS says the complaints were "unfounded", then it could make you look bad.

The case with the "tire iron" was founded, they let my daughter go back to her mother in 8hours b/c her step-father was arrested and put in jail, therefore he was not in the home and not a threat (at the moment). It was after that that he pushed her into the stove and her school called DCFS. I talked to DCFS and the school, they both felt the child was living in unacceptable circumstances, however...my daughter changed her story about 10 days into the investigation...saying "it was a rug burn". This was after her mother came to the school and "snapped" at the counselor for questioning her daughter. At one point a lady from DCFS told us that "it is very hard for them to pull a child out of a home, but it may be a different story if we went to court and DCFS was suppenad".

If you get a GAL involved and the GAL finds the child to be credible on that issue it might help. Otherwise though, kids don't get to decide.


All in all, I am not sure that you have enough.....particularly since CPS (other than the 8 hours you mentioned earlier) hasn't yanked the kids.

Thanks for the reply, what a sad situation...guess a roof and food is all that matters these days. What about what is best for the child?

 

[LdiJ]

Does the trailor not have water and heat because it is not set up for water and heat? Or does the trailor not have water and heat because they can't pay the bills? If the trailor is not set up for water and heat...meaning its possibly a camper rather than a trailor, you might have something there.

You might also file for custody and ask for a home evaluation. Getting a GAL and/or a home evaluation can be quite expensive, but it would have the greatest chance of getting you the results that you want.

Believe me I do think your child's living conditions are deplorable...however, being poor does not make a parent unfit....and clearly mom is very poor.

 

[Chelle0578]

Does the trailor not have water and heat because it is not set up for water and heat? Or does the trailor not have water and heat because they can't pay the bills? If the trailor is not set up for water and heat...meaning its possibly a camper rather than a trailor, you might have something there.

It is a trailer, not a camper. It sits on a rural lot outside of town. They have electricity here and there when they can afford it. The trailer is hooked up to a well, but the well does not work. Won't the judge frown upon her for not keeping a job so that she can properly care for her children?

You might also file for custody and ask for a home evaluation. Getting a GAL and/or a home evaluation can be quite expensive, but it would have the greatest chance of getting you the results that you want.

I'll look into that, but I am going to have a hard time affording my own attorney.

Believe me I do think your child's living conditions are deplorable...however, being poor does not make a parent unfit....and clearly mom is very poor.

Ok, but what about living with a felon...that beats his wife in front of the children...that has to hold some grounds? Why would a court rule for her to continue to live in those conditions when she has a father that can and will care for her properly? Yes, she is poor and no that does not make her unfit...but she is able to work, but chooses not to. And living with a felon that puts her children in harms way is neglect?? Am I correct on this?

Plus, I have a teacher, police officer, and DCFS case worker to supena (which are on my side)....3 upstanding citizens of the community.

 

[LdiJ]

Ok, but what about living with a felon...that beats his wife in front of the children...that has to hold some grounds? Why would a court rule for her to continue to live in those conditions when she has a father that can and will care for her properly? Yes, she is poor and no that does not make her unfit...but she is able to work, but chooses not to. And living with a felon that puts her children in harms way is neglect?? Am I correct on this?

Plus, I have a teacher, police officer, and DCFS case worker to supena (which are on my side)....3 upstanding citizens of the community.

Again, with a GAL involved and a home study you could prevail...you could very well prevail.

Yes, living with a felon who puts her children in harm's way can be neglect..even very serious neglect, but you have to prove it. If you acuse the burden of proof in on you...not on her. Its not enough to prove that he is a felon, you also have to prove that he directlly puts the child in harm's way.

Let me give you a totally unrelated example.

Lets say that you accuse her of being a satan worshipper, who believes in human sacrifice. She does NOT have to defend herself against that at all. All she has to do is say that no she is not. It would be totally up to you to prove, with hard, cold evidence, that she is.

Again, lets say that you accuse her of being a cocaine addict...again, she does not have to defend herself against that...its your responsibility to prove that she is....and in fact, a judge might not even order a drug test unless you have outside evidence (more than you word) why its necessary.

 

[Chelle0578]

Again, with a GAL involved and a home study you could prevail...you could very well prevail.

Yes, living with a felon who puts her children in harm's way can be neglect..even very serious neglect, but you have to prove it. If you acuse the burden of proof in on you...not on her. Its not enough to prove that he is a felon, you also have to prove that he directlly puts the child in harm's way.

Ok, do you think the police and DCFS reports of the step-dad shattering the windshield with my daughter in the car is proof enough? She had cuts on her legs that they noted and my daughter's story. The CP was trying to get away from his abuse when he threw the tire iron through the windshield.
What about DCFS reports about the burn? The DCFS worker questioned my daughter and she told them exactly what happened, and it was not I that reported the burn, it was the school. Those are not things that a 7 y/o would make up. These things have been happening on and off for 5 years.

Let me give you a totally unrelated example.

Lets say that you accuse her of being a satan worshipper, who believes in human sacrifice. She does NOT have to defend herself against that at all. All she has to do is say that no she is not. It would be totally up to you to prove, with hard, cold evidence, that she is.

Again, lets say that you accuse her of being a cocaine addict...again, she does not have to defend herself against that...its your responsibility to prove that she is....and in fact, a judge might not even order a drug test unless you have outside evidence (more than you word) why its necessary.

Well, the DCFS worker did tell us that her teeth were rotted from obvious meth use, but she is now pregnant so I doubt she still uses, at least for now.

 

[LdiJ]

The police and DCF reports may be enough....they may not. The only reason why I say that they may not is because DCF didn't yank the kids then. However, if as you said they didn't yank the kids for more than 8 hours because he was in jail, then the fact that she is back with him may be a big help to you with the judge.

Its really hard to predict on this one. If DCF had not been involved at all, I would say that your evidence could be considered to be stronger. However, since they have been involved and have left the kids with mom...its a little murkier.

 

[Chelle0578]

Thanks LdiJ for all of your helpful informations, I'm on the search for an attorney this week and we'll see what happens. In the meantime, anyone else out there that may have some more words of advice?

 

[nolegaleagle]

It may be difficult to afford an attorney and a GAL, but it's really your best chance. GALs are there for the children and only the children. They don't represent you or your ex-wife. Most courts value the opinion of the GAL more so than anyone else's.

 

[Chelle0578]

It may be difficult to afford an attorney and a GAL, but it's really your best chance. GALs are there for the children and only the children. They don't represent you or your ex-wife. Most courts value the opinion of the GAL more so than anyone else's.

Thank you, I'm going to check into one.

 

[nolegaleagle]

In our case both parents had to pay 50% of the GAL fees, whether we could afford it or not. We arranged a payment plan with the GAL for her retainer. I'm not sure how it will apply to your case, but hopefully you won't be responsible for the whole fee.

 

[Chelle0578]

I wanted to take a moment and thank you for all the replies. I scheduled a consultation with an attorney for later this week, we'll see what he says and possibly schedule another consulation for a 2nd opinion. He seemed to think we had a good case, and will know more when he goes through all of our divorce agreements and documentation. He said not to get down b/c DCFS had not pulled her out of the home (except for 8 hours), he said that laws have changed and DCFS must jump through many difficult hoops to remove a child from their homes these days... etc. We'll keep you posted, and again thanks so much!

 

[Chelle0578]

Ok all, I am in the process of preparing information for my attorney. I'm looking for a good site that states the Illinois Statues...the one I found, is horrible and has hardly any information! Maybe this is Illinois, but there has to be more. Anyone have a link for a good guy?