Separation

[miken79]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NC, Previously TX

This is a long story and I apologize if this is not the correct forum. I am needing some advice on possible options I may have in my current situation. I do not mean to make this a huge drama story but some of the details make me believe I was manipulated and wanted to see if they could hold any value in court. Below is my story followed by my questions.

Story:

My wife and I have been married for 13 years with two children ages 8 and 4. We moved to Texas in June 2015 because my wife got a new job in Dallas (I work remotely) and we lived with my family at the time until we could get our own house. My wife's job ended up not being what she expected. We also did not care that much for the area's around Texas and decided we wanted to move back to the East coast. In April 2016, my wife was offered a great job in NC. After she was offered the job I did a 180 not wanting to move and wanted to stay in Texas with my family. However, she wanted to move and I supported her. She moved to NC in May 2016. I had to stay 5 weeks in Texas with both children until our oldest son got out of school for the summer. At the beginning of June before I moved to NC, I found out my wife was texting her male co-worker from her previous job in Dallas numerous times throughout the day. When I called and confronted her, she said I had nothing to be worried about and that they were just friends. On June 17th, my wife flew in to Texas to help me load the moving truck to leave for NC the next day. Later that night my wife went out with some old friends from work. Around 2 am after she had not returned home and not answering her phone I tracked her cell phone location to the guy's apartment complex she had been texting. She finally called an hour later, I confronted her and told her where I knew she was. She came home and said she had kissed him and was in an emotional relationship with him. She then told me she loved me but did not know if I loved her. I assured her I did love her very much and she said she was sorry. At that time, I thought this was something we were going to be able to work through. The next day we left for NC. After moving, I caught her still texting and emailing this guy. After 3 to 4 weeks of arguing back and fourth she would not stop talking to him. The few text and emails I saw showed they had feelings for each other. Around mid July my wife told me she did not love me anymore and had not loved me for the past 3 years of our marriage. She said she was done with our marriage and wanted out. Since then I have went back to Texas to stay with family with one of our kids to get away from her while she prepares to move into her own apartment around the end of August. Around the end of August, I am going from TX to WV to visit her parents for a couple of weeks and she is suppose to bring our oldest son up so he can stay with her parents. However, I have found out she has bought a ticket to Dallas and plans on flying in to spend the weekend with this guy in Sept while I am in WV taking care of both of our children. I also do not understand why she would not want to spend that weekend to see her youngest son who by that time will have been away from her for over 5 weeks. I am devastated and no longer know who my wife is. I feel I have been lied to, taken advantage of and manipulated so she could get what she wanted which is move to NC, take this job and leave me. Before any of this happened, I was never aware we had any issues in our marriage. I thought she was happy and I loved her very much. My biggest issue right now is I am in NC with no friends or family. I feel trapped and betrayed with no support network.

Questions:

I have heard that in NC you have to live there at least 6 months before it is considered your primary residence and that I would have to file in TX to get divorced. Also, since we have not lived in NC for 6 months we would still be considered primary residence in TX and therefore I would be able to move the kids back to TX with me. Does anyone know if there is any accuracy to these statements?

Also, would I have any chance of getting full custody of the children? Do you think it would be worth my efforts? I have not decided to do that and I would never do it as a revenge tactic towards my wife. I honestly do not want to take them away from their mother however I honestly do not trust her anymore and do not really think she is even that interested in the children. However, I have no proof she had been a bad mother at caring for the kids. All I have is an email between her and that guy, text records on a cell phone bill and the story above.

Also, a little about myself if it helps. I am employed full-time and been employed with the same company for 13 years. My annual salary is a little more than she makes. I also do not have any criminal records nor does she.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

 

[LdiJ]

If she is in an emotional relationship with someone in TX, why would she want to manipulate you into moving to NC because of that guy? That is not logical. The only thing logical is that the move to NC was because the job in TX really wasn't a good one and the job in NC was much better.

While you were in TX long enough to establish residency I think that it might be difficult to claim that TX was really the children's residence as you lived there for less than a year and your residence there appeared to be a bit transitory. Where did you live before you moved to TX? Was it NC as well?

 

[miken79]

If she is in an emotional relationship with someone in TX, why would she want to manipulate you into moving to NC because of that guy? That is not logical. The only thing logical is that the move to NC was because the job in TX really wasn't a good one and the job in NC was much better.

While you were in TX long enough to establish residency I think that it might be difficult to claim that TX was really the children's residence as you lived there for less than a year and your residence there appeared to be a bit transitory. Where did you live before you moved to TX? Was it NC as well?

The guy is planning to move to NC and was before she moved. He has already been to NC since we moved to interview for a job. So I agree she moved for the job but I think he may have been part of the picture too. I forgot to mention that in the original post. Sorry.

We lived in WV before we moved to TX.

Also I was actually there with the kids in Texas a little over a year. From June 13, 2015 to June 17th 2016.

 

[LdiJ]

The guy is planning to move to NC and was before she moved. He has already been to NC since we moved to interview for a job. So I agree she moved for the job but I think he may have been part of the picture too. I forgot to mention that in the original post. Sorry.

We lived in WV before we moved to TX.

Also I was actually there with the kids in Texas a little over a year. From June 13, 2015 to June 17th 2016.

I think that you are going to have to talk to a local attorney. It would seem very odd for someone who had actually decided that they wanted to be with someone else to deliberately plan a move to NC rather than ANYWHERE else. In NC you have to be legally separated for a year before you can get divorced.
It seems more likely to me that someone would move to NC in an attempt to separate themselves from the extramarital partner, rather than continue with the affair and then failed at doing so.

In TX you can get divorced very quickly...which is the very opposite of NC.

 

[miken79]

I think that you are going to have to talk to a local attorney. It would seem very odd for someone who had actually decided that they wanted to be with someone else to deliberately plan a move to NC rather than ANYWHERE else. In NC you have to be legally separated for a year before you can get divorced.
It seems more likely to me that someone would move to NC in an attempt to separate themselves from the extramarital partner, rather than continue with the affair and then failed at doing so.

In TX you can get divorced very quickly...which is the very opposite of NC.

I know. I figured I am screwed no matter what. Its also not about him either. I believe she had decided she was leaving me anyways before we ever moved. However, she knew if she did I would have never left my family in TX to move to NC.

 

[LdiJ]

I know. I figured I am screwed no matter what. Its also not about him either. I believe she had decided she was leaving me anyways before we ever moved. However, she knew if she did I would have never left my family in TX to move to NC.

I understand that, but you have one advantage that many other people do not have and that is that you work remotely. Therefore at least you are not stuck in a situation where you are away from your family AND have no job. I understand how very hurt you are but unless you cannot make it financially it would be seriously in your children's best interest to be close to both of their parents. Therefore since you know that mom has a better job now and you can work remotely (assuming that your income is enough to support yourself and your share of supporting your children) you might want to consider staying put and negotiating towards a 50/50 or 60/40 (60 in your favor) timeshare.

 

[miken79]

I understand that, but you have one advantage that many other people do not have and that is that you work remotely. Therefore at least you are not stuck in a situation where you are away from your family AND have no job. I understand how very hurt you are but unless you cannot make it financially it would be seriously in your children's best interest to be close to both of their parents. Therefore since you know that mom has a better job now and you can work remotely (assuming that your income is enough to support yourself and your share of supporting your children) you might want to consider staying put and negotiating towards a 50/50 or 60/40 (60 in your favor) timeshare.

This the most likely scenario I am going to have to take. I do not want to pull my kids away from their mother. I have a lot to think through right now.

Thanks