Sexting, etc.

[kaizen]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Mi

Can't even put this one in black and white....so can we go hypothetical with a bit of understanding here please?

Here's a scene. A mom finds sexting pictures on son's phone (a few different girls and then one of him he sent to someone). Along with those photos she finds disturbing texts, encouraging and pleading with the girls to get them to send the photos.

In the mother finding out, the contents of the phone were dumped on her computer. Now she has child porn on her computer.

What should she do? Go to police and let them sort it out? If she does that of course the kid is looking at a lifetime sexual offender status. IF the mom does nothing (and given the concern over the coercive sounding emails), and the kid does something along the sexual assault lines - it's likely to be a hot mess, because she knew of this.

Legally, what is the mother's obligation here?

 

[Ladyback1]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Mi

Can't even put this one in black and white....so can we go hypothetical with a bit of understanding here please?

Here's a scene. A mom finds sexting pictures on son's phone (a few different girls and then one of him he sent to someone). Along with those photos she finds disturbing texts, encouraging and pleading with the girls to get them to send the photos.

In the mother finding out, the contents of the phone were dumped on her computer. Now she has child porn on her computer.

What should she do? Go to police and let them sort it out? If she does that of course the kid is looking at a lifetime sexual offender status. IF the mom does nothing (and given the concern over the coercive sounding emails), and the kid does something along the sexual assault lines - it's likely to be a hot mess, because she knew of this.

Legally, what is the mother's obligation here?

You know what your ethical and moral obligation is...
if it were your DAUGHTER, what would you want the other parent to do?

 

[Silverplum]

If the phone contents were not on your computer, I might give different "advice." But they are, so I advise you to go immediately to get an attorney.

(IMHO, it's always smarter to be the first to report, rather than the last to know and having to explain. If your attorney does not advise you to deal with the police at once, I'd be looking for another attorney.)

I'm sorry to read about this. It's a very sad and hard thing for The Mother, I'm sure.

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

So now the same son who disrespects and assaults his mother is also trafficking in child pornography. If one were to sit back and analyze the path this person is heading down, one can presumably see the endless damage they can cause, before the law can catch up to them.

 

[quincy]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Mi

. . . .What should she do? Go to police and let them sort it out? If she does that of course the kid is looking at a lifetime sexual offender status. IF the mom does nothing (and given the concern over the coercive sounding emails), and the kid does something along the sexual assault lines - it's likely to be a hot mess, because she knew of this.

Legally, what is the mother's obligation here?

Depending on this boy's age and all other relevant facts, the son is not likely to be looking at a "lifetime sexual offender status" in Michigan. The mom who now has pictures of naked children on her computer, however, could be in big trouble.

The mom needs to, obviously, confiscate the son's phone and cut off all of his computer use, and then get her son in counseling immediately. And I strongly advise this mom seek out the advice of an attorney in her area - prior to speaking to the police.

 

[Silverplum]

And I strongly advise this mom seek out the advice of an attorney in her area - prior to speaking to the police.

Quincy, smarter than me by a long shot.

DO what HE says. Please.

 

[kaizen]

Thank you all very much.

Quincy's advice is being done as we speak.

 

[tranquility]

Depending on this boy's age and all other relevant facts, the son is not likely to be looking at a "lifetime sexual offender status" in Michigan. The mom who now has pictures of naked children on her computer, however, could be in big trouble.

The mom needs to, obviously, confiscate the son's phone and cut off all of his computer use, and then get her son in counseling immediately. And I strongly advise this mom seek out the advice of an attorney in her area - prior to speaking to the police.

While the most reasonable of the answers so far, there are even problems here. First, let me say with a quick look at started threads, the OP has one of the most contentious divorces I've seen in a long time. And, although we like all the posts in the same thread, the length of time and variation of topics are well deserving at least a couple of threads.

HOWEVER, in a previous thread, it seems the phone may or may not be owned by son or dad but might be dad's brother's with either son or dad paying the bills. If OP holds the phone she knows has pictures of naked children, she is in knowing possession as much as anyone else could be. As well, if it is not son's phone, the breaking of the passcode could be a crime as well. And, in a divorce as nasty as this one, who knows what will be pushed?

See an attorney first. Make a plan to get son into counseling. I just don't see the police are a good thing to get involved (But, as quincy says, it depends on the facts.) at this point unless the child seems completely out of control. From prior posts, this point may be reached. Still, I think an attorney who can tell you all the consequences of actions taken will be a good step before doing anything.

As to the pictures, this is a very difficult thing. The attorney can't really advise you to do anything to them but keeping them is a crime. You can't really return the phone to dad as there is knowledge there are the pictures on the phone and that would be delivery. Legally, the only way out is to talk to the police. Realistically......I'm not sure I'd be all legal like.

 

[quincy]

As soon as the police are informed of the sexting and pictures on the computer, they will investigate and then they will notify the parents of all of the sexting victims. While the police mull over possible criminal charges, the children's parents will be mulling over possible civil actions they can take against the son/mom (and the possible criminal charges that could be filed against their own child).

An attorney can help control the situation for the mom and her son to a certain extent, protecting their rights and potentially protecting them from unwanted media attention once the facts become public (and there will be, no doubt, media attention).

I recommend that the mom do nothing with the phone or the computer except preserve them in their current condition until she and her son have met with and hired an attorney. The mom and her son do NOT want to talk to the police or turn over anything to the police without their attorney present.

I have not read kaizen's posting history, by the way, although I am not sure it would change my advice.


(thanks, Silverplum - not true, of course, but nice just the same )

 

[TigerD]

If it was me, I would have removed the hard drive from my computer, passed the phone and the hard drive under an electromagnet, run it through the wood chipper, and melt the remains in a campfire in the backyard. Then gotten my son into counseling -- or the woodshed -- and never breathed a word of this to another living person - ever.

But no one here can or would advise you to do such a thing. Quincy's response is the correct legal response.

DC

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

If it was me, I would have removed the hard drive from my computer, passed the phone and the hard drive under an electromagnet, run it through the wood chipper, and melt the remains in a campfire in the backyard. Then gotten my son into counseling -- or the woodshed -- and never breathed a word of this to another living person - ever.

But no one here can or would advise you to do such a thing. Quincy's response is the correct legal response.

DC

I tend to think along the same lines, when it involves blatant stupidity rather than an actual intent to engage in criminal actions. We all have serious judgment lapses at that age. That said, I would not directly advise someone to break the law.

 

[tranquility]

If it was me, I would have removed the hard drive from my computer, passed the phone and the hard drive under an electromagnet, run it through the wood chipper, and melt the remains in a campfire in the backyard. Then gotten my son into counseling -- or the woodshed -- and never breathed a word of this to another living person - ever.

But no one here can or would advise you to do such a thing. Quincy's response is the correct legal response.

DC

That is the way I might roll as well, just saying.

 

[stealth2]

If it was me, I would have removed the hard drive from my computer, passed the phone and the hard drive under an electromagnet, run it through the wood chipper, and melt the remains in a campfire in the backyard. Then gotten my son into counseling -- or the woodshed -- and never breathed a word of this to another living person - ever.

But no one here can or would advise you to do such a thing. Quincy's response is the correct legal response.

DC

IF this were a one time issue with the child, I'd be tempted to do the same. But this kid is T.R.O.U.B.L.E. in a variety of ways. And he needs to get the hammer landed on him sooner rather than later.

Now... MY kid did something similarly stupid when he was newly 18. And the girl's father called him, asking to speak with me. Made it clear that if it EVER happened again? He WOULD call the cops. And I made it clear to my kid that *I* would call the cops first. And that this idiocy could ruin his life. But... This was the one and only time he had an unsavory situation. So I figured one moment of stupidity allowed for a bit of leeway. If he had blatantly disobeyed me OR assaulted me? Done.

But now we all understand why Son didn't want Mom to have his phone.

 

[quincy]

It should also be noted that this may not be a decision that the mom and son get to make.

There are texts and photos that have been exchanged. The girls who received photos and texts or who sent them have a parent or parents who may find out about this before mom has the chance to handle it. If that happens, mom and son could lose some of the options currently available to them.

I suggest mom moves fast to find an attorney. And counseling for the boy.

 

[kaizen]

Three attorneys have advised to delete, and do nothing else. One even said the questions/concerns were dramatic.