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sexual abuse definition

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Blue_6321

Guest
What is the name of your state? Minnesota

24 years ago when my husband was 11, and his sister was 6, it was discovered that they were innappropriately touching one another on several occasions when left alone. They were both put in counseling, since he was older, he took the responsibility and did all that was required of him. No other incidents happened.

We are currently seeking foster care/adoption of our niece. His sister's parental rights are up for termination in January. She obviously does not want this to happen, and is now alleging that more happened 24 years ago than really did.

My question, the State is catagorizing this as sexual abuse, which would disqualify us from taking custody of our niece. 24 years ago the statutes were much different, and both parties were under age. There was no force, no coercion. Can my husband now be punished 24 years later, again? For something he openly admitted, and dealt with when he was 11?

Thanks for any advice, or insights.
 


JETX

Senior Member
"Can my husband now be punished 24 years later, again?"
*** The denial is NOT 'punishment' against him, but is done purely to protect the CHILD. His (or your) wants or desires to custody of the child are not relevant. Simply, his feelings or hurt or embarassment are far down the list of concerns of the court in placement.

The courts (and/or the childs parents) are obligated (rightfully so) to make every reasonable effort to provide a safe environment for the CHILD. Placing the child into a home where an adult was in fact a child molester (or sexual abuser) at any point in life MUST be considered in the process.
 
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Blue_6321

Guest
Thank you for the information, I understand all that. I know and support their investigation of any claim for the protection of the child. Point is, we have two children of our own, he is not and never was a child molester, he was in fact a child himself. It was two kids doing something stupid, and he happened to be the older one. He does not prey upon children.

I just cannot fathom that they would label him like that based on one incident, 24 years ago, when he was 11 years old. It went to no court, their parents put them both in counseling.

Sorry, but it is so frustrating to see what my sister in law has done and continues to do to harm her own child, and they think WE are the bad guys?

I was under the belief that juvenile records are private, and upon age 18 they more often than not start off with a clean slate.

Thank you very much for the time......
 
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LJLaw

Guest
If it never went to court, never a conviction..was a family matter handled with a shrink, I assume..is all settled.. How would this person know what he did at 11??? I never met an 11 year old child molester,..Sounds to me like here-say...unproveable..is it even admissable??
If you love these kids fight for them. If you think YOU are what is best for them fight for them. But do what is right for THEM, not you. What the children want carries some weight. I think it's nice you'd take this on..for the kids..Good luck
 
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Blue_6321

Guest
Nope it never went to court, it was all handled by social services. The reason my husband remembers it at age 11, is that they stuck him in group counseling sessions with 15 to 18 year olds, and some of these guys had done much much worse.

We did find a lawyer yesterday. She told us we had to have patience, and to stop jumping through the hoops that the social worker sets up for us. She said let the social worker call US, and come to US with anything she needs. She also said it was technically not illegal for the social worker to brief the psychologist before my husbands psyche eval. HOWEVER, it is illegal for her to have my husband sign a release for records before the session. After all there are no records until after the session, and he has full right to see the outcome of his own session.

So, we wait, we don't sign anything, we have patience. Right now from what the social worker said, it is in the hands of the county attorney as to if we qualify to take our niece or not. She said regarding the past 'sexual abuse', which is probably going to do us in, but I don't think that term is correct in this case. When my husband talked to her, he was forthright about it, but always referred to it as innapropriate behavior. She has since turned that into sexual abuse.

But we wait, if the county attorney says no, then we fight. Yes, I do believe our niece is better off with us. We are not perfect, we make mistakes, but we have happy healthy children so we must be doing something right. I could go on and on about the atrocities my sister in law has done around and to her child, it inflames me that they hold us up to superhuman status, and yet she can take her 2 year old barhopping and still have a chance to keep her.
 
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LJLaw

Guest
Good luck to you. I had a similar experience when I tried to help a child that was abused by her mother. I felt like when it was over, "I was on trial by the Social worker".. I'd be careful what you say to this social worker. Here they have less education then I do! So, to think these poor kids depend on these idiots is scary. I hope you get custody, and I don't care what anyone says, I don't think your husband is a molester..for what it's worth..and I'm not an attorney. but God knows I have life experience...just so you know.(disclaimer due to opinions of 'some people" on this board, so I say this) I do wish you luck..If the social worker is mean or out of line, tell your attorney, and ask for another one..via her supervisor..I did and it made all the difference..I still think what you're doing is nice to share your life w/a child in need! Good for you!
 
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Blue_6321

Guest
Thank you, that means a lot to me. I am at the point where I know we need a system to protect the children, but at the same time I get frustrated that the government is trying to tell me and my family what we can and cannot do. Big catch 22.

I know this social worker is doing her job, but she has absolutely no compassion, and she has not seen the destruction of my sister in law over the years. She has not lived in our shoes. I know that is all heart speaking, and not legal talk, but I think somewhere in all the legal mumbo jumbo there needs to be some compassion mixed in. Life is not black and white.

If you have any others suggestions or anything that helped you in your situation, I would love to hear them. Life experience is sometimes much more valueable than anything.
 
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LJLaw

Guest
This is what I did..I got a copy of my driving record, (perfect) arrest record, (which is empty of course), financial records, and I also got friends, and people that know me at the office to write letters of reference for me.. Since I was a Big Sister-Big Brother volunteer this helped too. I was a member of Rotary, and a member of the board and so members wrote on my behalf..It all helps, the more the better!!.. Your husband can do the same. I wish you luck and I still think it's wonderful that you would help this child, not many would have the heart or be generous enough to make such a sacrific. We did and we loved the kids we took in. Again good luck to you...and just so you know, I am not a Lawyer. I have to say this because I have been getting hate mail from someone...for answering, using my own experience where I live..If it helps great, if not. I meant well.
 

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