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sexual allegations by X toward husb of 8years about his kids to win cust.

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2

2goodgirls

Guest
Wwe are in the middle of an ugly custody case, I have just found out that my X has made allegations against my current husb. of 8 yrs regarding my 12 and 14 yr old girls.

My husb has helped me rais them for almost 10 years now and loves them very much but X says that the girls have told him that he has gotten out of the shower naked and asked for towels and also made other remarks or statements that make them feel uncomfortable.

I have a hard time believing this, I have always tried to have a open conversation forum in our home so our girls would come to me for any question or answers and to my knowledge they have. In the course of answering questions or haveing conversations with them that they start in the hopes to keep and open line of communication I think that if my current husb. has sbeen part of them maybe the girls may feel uncomfortable, but have never said so and maybe this is what they telll their dad, but never has my current hussb. done anything inapropriate, to them or around them. The GAL says that she is also concernned. My X lives in FL and me in OH which would mean that he wants to take them away far away from me, I have 2 more children with current Husb, that will be effected by this. the girls are very adjusted and muched loved by everyone here, which includes x's family and mine, in FL they would have noone but dad and his new fiance, third wife. Now childrens services has become involved and are going to do an investigation, How can I prove that nothing has been going on and that maybe things are being said and/or being taken out of context of thow they are happening.

Please resond with advice on how to handle this, I love my hussband and do not believe this is going. I really believe that he may have been told that these are the only kind of allegations that would be considered to have the kids relocated from a stable home.
 


D

Denise Newby

Guest
i am so sorry to hear of your misfortune. i too am struggling with the same delema. i have a 12 year old daughter who accused my husband of exposing himself to her. he is currently serving 5 years of a 20 year sentence and a lifetime on parole. this happened to me when my daughter was 9. my husband was setenced 12-1-00. we have a 2 year old daughter that he misses desperatly. i have had no contact with my 12 year old since my husbands sentence and will be going to court next month to allow her stepmother to adopt her. i am not a wealthy person and rely on the financial support of my parents. my daughters father is wealthy and she wants to live with him. i wish i could offer you some help. all i can say is i"m sorry. please hire an lawyer. i cannot express this enough. do not talk to the police until you talk to a lawyer. we learned the hard way. we spoke to the police first. we thought we would just talk to them and clear things up but they put him in jail as soon as he talked to them. also i want to give you the name of an author that i beleive can help you. his name is Dean Tong he wrote several books but on of his best is "Don't Blame ME, Daddy False Accusations of child sexual abuse:a hidden national tragady" if i can help you in anyway or just be there to listen please e-mail me at [email protected]

Sorry,
Denise
 
M

meinma

Guest
This is for Denise

First of all, why would you not believe your own child??? At that young of an age the child would not be able to just come up with that out of the blue. I am an adult victum of molestation when I was 8 through the time I was 13. My mother started to believe me when every female child (16 of us) came forward plus about 6 or 7 other female children outside of the family. It was known by my mother at the very begining of it and didn't stop for 5 years. You have no idea what it does to a child not to believe them or not to hold the abuser to fullest of there punishment. This is your child, this child has your blood your husband is just that, only your husband!! Think about what your doing to your child and what could happen to her mental well being!!!
 
2

2goodgirls

Guest
Trust me I now believe her, it took a couple of days of disbelief, out of my own stupidity. Then I sat her down to have a talk with her, she told me things that went much deeper than what I found out from her father, things that she could have never made up. I left him that night, got a restraining order, went to the police, child protective services, and now there is an investigation, hopefully there will be an arrest. He deserves to be behind bars for what he did to my little girl. And now he will never be able to hurt my 12 yr old or his own daughter 3 1/2 yrs old. because as of now there is no visitation, and if there is it will be supervised no overnights. I have filed for divorce the day after I left as well. I think it was the initial shock of it all the day I wrote this, my daughters are good have never lied and I have never had a reason not to believe them, it took a couple of days of disgust to shake out the shock and leave, but now I'm glad I did.
 
T

truth is powerful

Guest
BRAVO!!!!

I would like to urge you to follow up with counseling. Victims Assistance can be a hassle to get but well worth it.It is important your daughter have an ongoing relationship with a psychologistthat specializes in this area, it will be her best chance for protection in court. Do not call him, contact him in any way.Do not ask your daughters questions, as much as you may want to. It may take awhile for victims assitance to come through and couseling in the meanwhile is important. Your oldest daughter will need to talk to peers and many battered womens shelters have groups for girls 12 and above for a small fee. He can use all your assets up to defend himself if its liquid so clear out your accounts, I wished I had. You have an incredibly long road ahead of you but you were strong enough to believe your girls and get help and leave. Involve your self in church and your children make sure they know they are safe, but do not remind them just let them feel that way. Accept help from family members and close friends. Ask for it when you need it. Be careful of his family. Good Luck Stay Strong
 
2

2goodgirls

Guest
Thank you for your words of support.

I've been in marriage counceling for 6 months now I'm going by myself to see her, at Catholic Social Services, no cost.
She said she thought something was not right but could not put her finger on it. The girls have gone to Fl with their father for the summer, I'm picking them up in mid-august. I'm still afraid that he is going to pursue the custody suit. At least that is what my girls have told me. I hope I don't have any trouble getting them back.

It's going to be a long summer, I'm now fighting a battle at both ends.

You don't think that a judge would move them now that things have obviously stopped. If I would have known long ago what was going on it would have stopped sooner.
 
T

truth is powerful

Guest
I think you should still try to persue counseling for your daughters. Actually I think you should work with your ex and go live near your daughters now. I would be driven to show them your prescence during this transitional time for them. They need to know, not just hear that you are going to keep them safe also. Your best chance of maintaining custody I believe would be to maintain close consistent contact.Good luck.
 
2

2goodgirls

Guest
Understandable, but he's in the Navy and not home alot. We have lived in Ohio for 10 years and all of their relatives, including his relatives live here. They have been in the same church, school and have many friends and cousins, aunts and uncles that live here as a support system, their dad doesn't have any family their just him and his girlfriend, So I think here would be a more stable invironment. I have always maintained a good relationship with their dad and they know and appreciate that. Besides I have two other children that belong to my current soon to be X-husband. and I'm not allowed to take them out of the state even though he doesn't have visitation unless it is suppervised.

Their father knows that the girls are always welcome their for the entire summer and on spring breaks and when he comes into town he always has unlimited access to them even on the christmas trips. when he gets them the entire time except for late christmas eve and then he picks them up mid-morning christmas morning. So I really think that it is still in their best interest to be here.
 

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