Sexually suggestive jokes by teacher

[emtcarrie]

What is the name of your state? WY

I just have a basic question. My son is 14yrs old in the 8th grade of public school (can't afford private). He has one male teacher who tells "dirty jokes" every day in class...One "joke" he told is that he (teacher) is going to sue Hustler for his carpal tunnel. There have been others..He alo told the class that he hates teaching..he's only doing it so he can coach.

What should I do about this if anything?

 

[hexeliebe]

You should file a complaint with the principle and copy the school board. Inform the principle what you are doing and that you want the behavior to stop or the next step will be to pursue the matter with the school board.

 

[emtcarrie]

Thank you for the quick response. I will do that..the problem is that my son BEGS me not to say anything..What should I do...This is his first year here and I don't want to make him an outcast, but I do not condone the teachers behavior either.

 

[hexeliebe]

That's a whole different matter.

You are walking a fine line. And you won't have to pay the consequences, your son will.

If he told you about the teacher's comments then he must be concerned about them. Ask him directly if these comments bothered him. If yes, then you need to allow him to handle the situation.

Let him know he has the right to expect a higher level of behavior from this teacher and that if he's not getting it he has the right to lodge a complaint.

Because he is new to the school I would suggest your son ask to speak with the teacher in private where his concerns can be voiced outside of prying eyes.

Something to the affect of :"Mr. ?, I wanted to let you know that the comments you've made recently regarding things such as Hustler have made me feel a bit uncomforatable. I simply think they have no place in a learning environment and would like to ask you to not make such comments in the future". should put the teacher on notice that 1. the comments bother your son and; 2. your son has made a formal request to stop the comments.

The ball will be in the teacher's court and your son will have stood up for his rights as a human being and a student.

However this plays out, your son must be given the chance to handle it.

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

Thank you for the quick response. I will do that..the problem is that my son BEGS me not to say anything..What should I do...This is his first year here and I don't want to make him an outcast, but I do not condone the teachers behavior either.

My response:

You have been instructed on what to do from a legal standpoint. This is a "legal" site - - not a psychological site. As for the latter, we leave you and your son to fight those demons.

IAAL

 

[emtcarrie]

Thank you for all your help...I realize this is a legal help line, I was just wondering IF the behavior didn't stop, and my son was unwilling to speak up...Would that be detrimental in filing a "claim" against the teacher...I am going to have my son talk to the teacher, but IF it doesn't help and I have to step in...Would my sons reluctance hurt my claim? I know I just repeate myself but I'm not quite sure how to word the question....Thank you all for your patience.

 

[hexeliebe]

Please stop all this "claim" talk. You do not have any claim. You and your son have a right to file a complaint against the principle and the school board not to mention the teacher if and when the behavior does not stop.

But trying to find a way to get money out of someone else's stupidity will quickly devoid you of my advice.

 

[emtcarrie]

Thank you for the clarification...I didn't know what to call it...I, in NO way, want money out of this...I just want it stopped. I do appreciate your informing me of the correct term..

 

[hexeliebe]

Yes my child....go forth and Claim no more

Now have that talk with your son.

 

[emtcarrie]

I will do that oh great one ...Again, Thank you for the advice and the clarification....

 

[Cantthinkofone]

You know that if you file a complaint against the teacher and people find who whose mother it was that did it, your son will recieve a lot of backlash from other students.

I can bet anything that he is a poplar teacher because he isnt like the other teachers, and with kids your sons age, jokes like that are pretty funny. Im sure your son will tell you that everyone likes that teacher too.

It's up to you though if you want to do it, i can see that you dont want a teacher making such comments as that, but is it worth the abuse your son will get for it? Your son doesnt want you to say anything because he also knows what will be said to him if they find out he or his mom did it. I say, instead why dont you talk to other kids parents about the teacher, that way all of them will make a complaint and not just you, helping your son out a little.

 

[hexeliebe]

eventually cantthinkofone this is a decision that should be left to the son.

But your suggestion of getting other parents involved made me shake my head in wonder. How is this different than filing a complaint and the other kids finding out.

Do you really think that the other parents won't ask their children about the comments? Do you really think this won't get around school?

And what if this is a popular teacher? So what? Just because a boss is popular does that make sexual harrassement o.k. in the workplace? In the church? in the school?

Sorry, but if the son is embarrassed about the comments do you really think he is the only one?

EVERY person, male or female, has the right to be free from any situation that produces the feelings that such comments cause. And even if some of the students in this boy's class think less of him, so what? Yes, High School can be cruel. But so can learning to be a victim.

I hope this boy makes the right decision for himself, not because others may laugh at him.

 

[Cantthinkofone]

I'm saying first find out how the other students feel about this teacher. If there are a large group of students who feel the same way then I say go ahead and make the complaint with those other students, but if all the other kids like him, or dont mind his comments then his best bet, and his mothers, is to forget about it. All I am saying is do not go in this alone. If he does and all the students like this teacher, then he will receive a lot of **** for his decison.

And no, just becaue he is popular does not make it right, I never said it was right for him to do it. I just said that if hes popular, and you're the reason that the greatest teacher was fired, you're not going to hear the end of it.

My advice would be for you son to just deal with the teacher for the semester, then request to never have him again. He can either go through one semester of comments made by a teacher that are not directed at him, or he can go through the next 4 years with a lot of comments directed at him. What would your choice be?

 

[hexeliebe]

You want to know what I would do?

I would not compromise my morals, my self respect or my ideals of right and wrong just because I may get a little crap.

This kid seems to have a bit of self-worth (rare these days in a lot of kids) and isn't willing to put up with inappropriate behavior.

Now tell me, what do you call ignoring something that you find offensive? Come on, I know you know the answer.

Yep, it's tacit approval.

I wonder if you would give the same advice if this were a female and the sexual comments were the same. If so, then I hope they never face the real world where seemingly innocent comments such as these have been used as permission to go further, as far as rape.

There can be no double-standard here. Wrong is wrong. And ANY such comment to ANY student, regardless of age, is inappropriate and should be stopped. Regardless of the cost.

How do we know that other students like this teacher so much that they take his actions as approval of their own socially unacceptable behavior? Or carry it further. "Well Mr. Jones made comments like this so I thought it was alright to...." and you fill in the blank.

At a minimum this teacher would be on administrative leave for the rest of the semester until an investigation is completed were I this parent. At worst, he should be fired. We have enough problems in the school system without teachers adding to them.

 

[HomeGuru]

I agree.