She can not be a mother!

[Gabriele68]

My name is Gabriele. I am Italian. 33 y/o.

I made the biggest mistake of my life, 1 year ago, by accepting to try to build a family with a woman with serious social, emotional and childhood problems.
I hoped I was able to help her to solve her problems.
Now we have a son. "Bambino David". 3 months old. The most wonderful creature I have ever seen, kissed and touched in my life.

My wife is a very smart person. She is great to everybody's eyes. She is a super sweet and lovely person.
Her problems come from her family.
She has been psycologically abused but in the same time she has been told "I love you". This caused a confusion in her head about love and abuse. She thinks that loving allows her to behave wrong and bad.

Her father beat and left her mother while she was pregnant of my wife. (I know the mother. I don't blame that man!)
She missed the male figure in her childhood.
Result...she doesn't know how to deal with a man.

At the age of 17/18 she had to start to take care of herself.
It has been hard but she made it. Now it's impossible for her to rely on somebody else. = impossible wife for a man like myself, who, by nature and education received, needs a woman who rely on him.

She had history of jail (days) because she had a fight with her mother. Her mother pressed charge against her daughter because she was afraid she was going to lose her grandchildren custody, due to my wife's better economical and more stable (home) condition.

She has history of psychiatric hospital shelter. She tried to kill her-self with the gas (twice), at home, when I tried to break-up with her in the '99.

She is able to take care of my son in terms of food and home.
She is NOT able to educate an individual who will become part of this, already messed-up, society.
My son will have the same social problems if raised by that woman. My son won't be an induvidual able to GIVE and SHARE, in his life.

I have been raised in a more that wonderful and perfect family, in Italy.
I want the same for my son.
I want my son to be raised and educated by me.

Question...

Does anybody know how many chances I have of winning a custody litigation against this woman?
David will be raised in italy, in case I will win.
Will it be a negative point, in court?

Thank you very much for your reply!

David

 

[deefran]

LEGAL ADVICE You never stated if you were married, nor what state you are in. If you aren't legally married, depending on what state you are in the bio-mom has automatic custody until paternity has LEGALLY been established..i.e. paternity test..not just a signed birth certificate.
You will have to prove the bio-mom is unfit...which unless you have legal documents supporting her past suicide attempts, jail time etc...it will be difficult. Even if you have those things the judge may see that they were in her past not recent and still award her custody. Yes, you're desire to completely remove the child from his mother and move to another country will be held against you in regards to custody. The courts would not be pleased if they knew that you want to completely cut the child out of his mother's life. If the mother has a current stable home environment..i.e. suitable living conditions, food, clothing etc., it will be difficult for a judge to remove the child from the home.
Considering that her suicide attempts were made in the past before child was conceived and born...child was never endangered and may be moot point in court. And her past childhood may not even be admissable as evidence, because if judges ruled on the dysfunction of a persons childhood, NO ONE would be a parent. You have not explained how the mother has endangered or neglected the child and that is basically what would be needed for you to win custody.
My OWN OPINION
Question, how in one post can you say she is a sweet and lovely person, then later say she can not provide the love your son needs?
Aren't you contributing to the same type of emotional abuse by trying to rip a child she may love just as dearly as you do away from her?
And how is relying on herself considered a BAD thing? Face it, Mr. Macho...all women are not weak and needy. Sure she may have had problems, but if you use something like her past to take her child from her and move to another country...you'd be no better than the rest of the society you think is so screwed up.

 

[Svaneke]

Every child needs a mother. If you were to take your son to Italy- can you see yourself in the future? When your son asks about his mother and where she is etc etc... you think about that for a while.

You love your child- then you have to think of your child's needs first of all. Not what may be more convenient for you.

Yes- there may be mothers who are bad mothers- but from your post I can not deduce that your child's mother is one of those. You talk about past issues- I don't think that a judge would agree on having this little boy removed from his mother only because of the past issues that you describe.

 

[treici]

<<<Her father beat and left her mother while she was pregnant of my wife. (I know the mother. I don't blame that man!) >>>

I can't believe no one else commented on this!!! That alone speaks volumes in my mind. A man who sees nothing wrong with a man beating his pregnant wife............

 

[treici]

Her father beat and left her mother while she was pregnant of my wife. (I know the mother. I don't blame that man!)


David

oops. dropped the quote.