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#1
Washington State - Skagit county

This would be the longest of all long stories. I'll trim it down. My soon to be x wife has two grown sons, one 30, the other 34. For the past dozen years, they've both been coming and going, totally lost, no jobs, no aspirations for job, nothing. Just concern as to where to find pot. Anyway, the eldest has stayed and accumulated large dogs. 1,2,5,7 and most recently 17 full size German Shepherds. Keep in mind that the comings and goings do not include me in any communication or notification as to what the heck was happening. I'm was just expected to grin and bare it. I did just that for way too long. Summer of 2013 my patience dissolved. I kicked the oldest out along with all of his hounds. His mother who has never worked since we got married told him to come back which he did a few days later. I was asked to move out of the room we were sharing together due to me attempting to remove the son. At the time (2013) son had 5 dogs. Fast forward to January 2016. Still in separate room, zero physical contact from wife since before I moved out of room. Youngest son gone and married then, oldest still there, dog count by then 17 dogs, all shepherds. My wife also had 5 dogs of her own. Ya, I told you, TV time. The dogs roamed freely, both in and out and come April of that year (2016) I gave my soon to be x the ultimatum, him or me. No answer from her was a definite answer to me. I packed up what I could fit in my truck and I left. From April 2016 to Fall of 2017, I continued to try and reconcile with x to convince her that her adult son was going to devour her life. The house as of fall of 2017 was completely trashed as you can imagine. Nothing below say 5' high in the house survived. Carpet gone, sheetrock trashed and peed on. Plywood sub floor peed and pooped on. Wood trim chewed and swallowed. Stuff of marital nightmares. Finally I served papers last October. We finished mediation last week and I got hammered. She gets half of my pension, I have to pay 1/3 of my take home to her for 5 years, she ended up with our share of a very nice house in Kauai free and clear ( the one I've been paying for alone for 10 years ) and I got the house that her, her son and the zoo trashed completely. The estimate to fix was almost half million dollars. Since she chose to sit at home and do absolutely nothing for all of these years, I am responsible for helping her get back on her feet. She's now going to move to Kauai and take over the home that we agreed to pay for together with her getting a job. Not so much. My question in all of this beyond WHERE ON GODS GREEN EARTH IS FAIRNESS AND ACCOUNTABILITY? I guess my question: Is there any course of action that I can/ should take in this situation? Small claims - mental abuse / anguish, turning my brain to putty? At the very least she has directly turned that asset into a liability. We'll be friends forever if you can help me somehow. I'm pretty down about it. Thx
 
Last edited:


Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
#2
Washington State - Skagit county

This would be the longest of all long stories. I'll trim it down. My soon to be x wife has two grown sons, one 30, the other 34. For the past dozen years, they've both been coming and going, totally lost, no jobs, no aspirations for job, nothing. Just concern as to where to find pot. Anyway, the eldest has stayed and accumulated large dogs. 1,2,5,7 and most recently 17 full size German Shepherds. Keep in mind that the comings and goings do not include me in any communication or notification as to what the heck was happening. I'm was just expected to grin and bare it. I did just that for way too long. Summer of 2013 my patience dissolved. I kicked the oldest out along with all of his hounds. His mother who has never worked since we got married told him to come back which he did a few days later. I was asked to move out of the room we were sharing together due to me attempting to remove the son. At the time (2013) son had 5 dogs. Fast forward to January 2016. Still in separate room, zero physical contact from wife since before I moved out of room. Youngest son gone and married then, oldest still there, dog count by then 17 dogs, all shepherds. My wife also had 5 dogs of her own. Ya, I told you, TV time. The dogs roamed freely, both in and out and come April of that year (2016) I gave my soon to be x the ultimatum, him or me. No answer from her was a definite answer to me. I packed up what I could fit in my truck and I left. From April 2016 to Fall of 2017, I continued to try and reconcile with x to convince her that her adult son was going to devour her life. The house as of fall of 2017 was completely trashed as you can imagine. Nothing below say 5' high in the house survived. Carpet gone, sheetrock trashed and peed on. Plywood sub floor peed and pooped on. Wood trim chewed and swallowed. Stuff of marital nightmares. Finally I served papers last October. We finished mediation last week and I got hammered. She gets half of my pension, I have to pay 1/3 of my take home to her for 5 years, she ended up with our share of a very nice house in Kauai free and clear ( the one I've been paying for alone for 10 years ) and I got the house that her, her son and the zoo trashed completely. The estimate to fix was almost half million dollars. Since she chose to sit at home and do absolutely nothing for all of these years, I am responsible for helping her get back on her feet. She's now going to move to Kauai and take over the home that we agreed to pay for together with her getting a job. Not so much. My question in all of this beyond WHERE ON GODS GREEN EARTH IS FAIRNESS AND ACCOUNTABILITY? I guess my question: Is there any course of action that I can/ should take in this situation? Small claims - mental abuse / anguish, turning my brain to putty? At the very least she has directly turned that asset into a liability. We'll be friends forever if you can help me somehow. I'm pretty down about it. Thx
You need an attorney to unravel the knotted mess of things you've made up to this point. An internet forum can't help you.
 

Just Blue

Senior Member
#3
Washington State - Skagit county

This would be the longest of all long stories. I'll trim it down. My soon to be x wife has two grown sons, one 30, the other 34. For the past dozen years, they've both been coming and going, totally lost, no jobs, no aspirations for job, nothing. Just concern as to where to find pot. Anyway, the eldest has stayed and accumulated large dogs. 1,2,5,7 and most recently 17 full size German Shepherds. Keep in mind that the comings and goings do not include me in any communication or notification as to what the heck was happening. I'm was just expected to grin and bare it. I did just that for way too long. Summer of 2013 my patience dissolved. I kicked the oldest out along with all of his hounds. His mother who has never worked since we got married told him to come back which he did a few days later. I was asked to move out of the room we were sharing together due to me attempting to remove the son. At the time (2013) son had 5 dogs. Fast forward to January 2016. Still in separate room, zero physical contact from wife since before I moved out of room. Youngest son gone and married then, oldest still there, dog count by then 17 dogs, all shepherds. My wife also had 5 dogs of her own. Ya, I told you, TV time. The dogs roamed freely, both in and out and come April of that year (2016) I gave my soon to be x the ultimatum, him or me. No answer from her was a definite answer to me. I packed up what I could fit in my truck and I left. From April 2016 to Fall of 2017, I continued to try and reconcile with x to convince her that her adult son was going to devour her life. The house as of fall of 2017 was completely trashed as you can imagine. Nothing below say 5' high in the house survived. Carpet gone, sheetrock trashed and peed on. Plywood sub floor peed and pooped on. Wood trim chewed and swallowed. Stuff of marital nightmares. Finally I served papers last October. We finished mediation last week and I got hammered. She gets half of my pension, I have to pay 1/3 of my take home to her for 5 years, she ended up with our share of a very nice house in Kauai free and clear ( the one I've been paying for alone for 10 years ) and I got the house that her, her son and the zoo trashed completely. The estimate to fix was almost half million dollars. Since she chose to sit at home and do absolutely nothing for all of these years, I am responsible for helping her get back on her feet. She's now going to move to Kauai and take over the home that we agreed to pay for together with her getting a job. Not so much. My question in all of this beyond WHERE ON GODS GREEN EARTH IS FAIRNESS AND ACCOUNTABILITY? I guess my question: Is there any course of action that I can/ should take in this situation? Small claims - mental abuse / anguish, turning my brain to putty? At the very least she has directly turned that asset into a liability. We'll be friends forever if you can help me somehow. I'm pretty down about it. Thx
IMO you are the one to turn your head into "putty". All of your problems are of your own doing. Hire an attorney to assist.
 

not2cleverRed

Obvious Observer
#5
I think the time to address this was during mediation.

By agreeing to these terms during mediation, you're kind of stuck.

Note: if your pension is based entirely on employment during the marriage, then 50% is reasonable. (If your pension is based on employment that started substantially before the marriage, then less accordingly. But this should have been brought up during mediation.)

Why didn't you just give her the marital home in the divorce?
 
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