Should I get a lwayer? Does he have ANY chances?

[xANGELx]

What is the name of your state? North Carolina

Hello. This is my first post. I've been browsing the forums and it seems some people have good, logical advice and sollutions so im hoping someone can help point me in the right direction.
I'll try to keep this as short as possible and just give the most important details. If there's anything else that needs to be known before giving advice, let me know.

My son is almost 5 years old. His father and I broke up when I was 3 months pregnant, I left, never talked to him again, never even put him on the birth certificate. I moved back in with my parents and am now seeking to move out. I'm going to need child support from the father and at first I didn't want to have to go through court, so I tracked him down and called him. When I called him he claimed that he's not going to have to do anything at all because he's married now with a house and another kid (that was concieved before I even gave birth to ours), he was in the military for 2 years and he can also claim that as an excuse as to why he wasn't around so that he doesn't look like he just abandonded us.

I told him he's going to have to pay something because he is the father and a paternity test will prove it. So he then says that if I do file for child support, he will be taking me to court to seek joint custody. I don't see how he would hold up in court trying to do such a thing since he's had 5 years to do it yet never did. I mean afterall, if he was able to get married and have another kid before I even gave birth to ours, wouldn't that mean he should've had time to try and see our child?
Wouldn't the court see it as him just being vindictive since after all these 5 years, the only thing to get him to try to see our child is because of money???? The thought of him actually getting joint custody seems pretty illogical to me but then again i've seen some really illogical stuff happen in courts to friends, so I figure I should ask first.

I also want to know if there is a way to get backed child support from the past 5 years he hasn't been paying. Will it require a lawyer?

Oh and I don't know if it's of any use, but I tried emailing him last year to ask if he'd like to meet our child for his birthday (didn't ask for money or anything, I was trying to be civil and give him one last chance to get on a friendly level). And his reply was: "Look I have my own new life now and responsibilities to take care of. If there is anything you want just do it through court because I am not going to do anything about this unless there's a paternity test and a court order. Until then, go ahead and keep all your rights and raise him the way you want to because I really don't care what you do". - I've saved that email and reply, can it be used in court as evidence of him taking no initiative to be a part of our childs life?

Thanks

 

[MrsK]

What is the name of your state? North Carolina

Hello. This is my first post. I've been browsing the forums and it seems some people have good, logical advice and sollutions so im hoping someone can help point me in the right direction.
I'll try to keep this as short as possible and just give the most important details. If there's anything else that needs to be known before giving advice, let me know.

My son is almost 5 years old. His father and I broke up when I was 3 months pregnant, I left, never talked to him again, never even put him on the birth certificate. I moved back in with my parents and am now seeking to move out. I'm going to need child support from the father and at first I didn't want to have to go through court, so I tracked him down and called him. When I called him he claimed that he's not going to have to do anything at all because he's married now with a house and another kid (that was concieved before I even gave birth to ours), he was in the military for 2 years and he can also claim that as an excuse as to why he wasn't around so that he doesn't look like he just abandonded us.

I told him he's going to have to pay something because he is the father and a paternity test will prove it. So he then says that if I do file for child support, he will be taking me to court to seek joint custody. I don't see how he would hold up in court trying to do such a thing since he's had 5 years to do it yet never did. I mean afterall, if he was able to get married and have another kid before I even gave birth to ours, wouldn't that mean he should've had time to try and see our child?
Wouldn't the court see it as him just being vindictive since after all these 5 years, the only thing to get him to try to see our child is because of money???? The thought of him actually getting joint custody seems pretty illogical to me but then again i've seen some really illogical stuff happen in courts to friends, so I figure I should ask first.

I also want to know if there is a way to get backed child support from the past 5 years he hasn't been paying. Will it require a lawyer?

Oh and I don't know if it's of any use, but I tried emailing him last year to ask if he'd like to meet our child for his birthday (didn't ask for money or anything, I was trying to be civil and give him one last chance to get on a friendly level). And his reply was: "Look I have my own new life now and responsibilities to take care of. If there is anything you want just do it through court because I am not going to do anything about this unless there's a paternity test and a court order. Until then, go ahead and keep all your rights and raise him the way you want to because I really don't care what you do". - I've saved that email and reply, can it be used in court as evidence of him taking no initiative to be a part of our childs life?

Thanks

Ok, so you think its vindictive of HIM to try & get joint custody of a child after 5 yrs but its NOT vindictive of YOU to try for 5 yrs of back support and put him in a GREAT amount of debt because you are angry at him?

*snort*

Look- you never filed for support so you didnt receive it. That is YOUR fault. I dont know the laws in your state but I hope they do not cover back support other than from the date of filing b/c if the support wasnt important to you then, it (the back support) shouldnt be important to you NOW. Let me guess, its not REALLY important to you, but you are going to use it as leverage to keep this guy from his kid. Am I right?

And yes, you will be awarded current support. The fact that he has another child MAY have a small affect on how much he pays, but not that much.

And yes, he can (and should) file for joint custody & visitation. And he will get it, even though its been 5 yrs. And he also has the right to file for it, be awarded it, and then NEVER use it, just to spite you.

 

[Silverplum]

What is the name of your state? North Carolina

Hello. This is my first post. I've been browsing the forums and it seems some people have good, logical advice and sollutions so im hoping someone can help point me in the right direction.
I'll try to keep this as short as possible and just give the most important details. If there's anything else that needs to be known before giving advice, let me know.

My son is almost 5 years old. His father and I broke up when I was 3 months pregnant, I left, never talked to him again, never even put him on the birth certificate.

Okay.

I moved back in with my parents and am now seeking to move out. I'm going to need child support from the father

The one that's not on the birth cert? OH.

and at first I didn't want to have to go through court, so I tracked him down and called him. When I called him he claimed that he's not going to have to do anything at all because he's married now with a house and another kid (that was concieved before I even gave birth to ours), he was in the military for 2 years and he can also claim that as an excuse as to why he wasn't around so that he doesn't look like he just abandonded us.

If he's not the legal father, he hasn't done anything wrong. And YOU made it thus with your own actions.

I told him he's going to have to pay something because he is the father and a paternity test will prove it.

And it will take a paternity test to prove it. Then lots of other court stuff.

So he then says that if I do file for child support, he will be taking me to court to seek joint custody.

Yep. That's his right.

I don't see how he would hold up in court trying to do such a thing since he's had 5 years to do it yet never did. I mean afterall, if he was able to get married and have another kid before I even gave birth to ours, wouldn't that mean he should've had time to try and see our child?
Wouldn't the court see it as him just being vindictive since after all these 5 years, the only thing to get him to try to see our child is because of money???? The thought of him actually getting joint custody seems pretty illogical to me but then again i've seen some really illogical stuff happen in courts to friends, so I figure I should ask first.

It's his RIGHT, IF he is the father. You're completely in the wrong in your thinking on this issue.

I also want to know if there is a way to get backed child support from the past 5 years he hasn't been paying.

http://ocse.acf.hhs.gov/ext/irg/sps/report.cfm?State=NC

Will it require a lawyer?

Nah. Try the local child support enforcement agency.

Oh and I don't know if it's of any use, but I tried emailing him last year to ask if he'd like to meet our child for his birthday (didn't ask for money or anything, I was trying to be civil and give him one last chance to get on a friendly level). And his reply was: "Look I have my own new life now and responsibilities to take care of. If there is anything you want just do it through court because I am not going to do anything about this unless there's a paternity test and a court order. Until then, go ahead and keep all your rights and raise him the way you want to because I really don't care what you do". - I've saved that email and reply, can it be used in court as evidence of him taking no initiative to be a part of our childs life? Thanks

No. He's right.

 

[Silverplum]

*snort*

I'm so stealing that, MrsK!

 

[MrsK]

I'm so stealing that, MrsK!

Sweet, feel free.

 

[Silverplum]

Sweet, feel free.

Thanks!


*snort!*

 

[fairisfair]

xAngex,

You have every right to have paternity established and to pursue support for your child. Whether it has been 5 days or 5 years is not the question. You do need to do things legally, and until the father is adjudicated to be the father, legally, he has no legal responsibility to provide support. So, you need to start with paternity, you need a lawyer, or you need alot of time and to acquire alot of legal knowledge, in your case, the best bet is to go through CSE and let them do the legal aspects for you. They will not act as your attorney, but their interests are parallel to yours in that they want to keep you off welfare and the best way to do that is to be sure that your child is supported by his other parent. That is where you need to start. You do need to be aware that dad will have the right to file for some form of custody and to have parenting time with his child. But he has that right NOW. Do the responsible thing and ensure that your child receives support from both his parents and that he has a relationship, or at least a chance with a relationship, with both as well.

start here
http://www.dhhs.state.nc.us/dss/cse/index.htm

 

[MrsK]

You know what, OP, let me just say this, too, on the topic of visitation...

Ok, so YOU dont think he should be able to see the child b/c he hasnt seen the child in 5 yrs.

So how about if the courts say "OP, you didnt think it was important to get support for the last 5 yrs, so there is no reason you need it now."

Lucky for you, it doesnt work that way. Lucky for your ex, visitation doesnt work that way, either.

 

[xANGELx]

sugarplum, thanks for your replies. MrsK on the otherhand: WOW. You on the rag?


amazing how you know nothing of me and even though I clearly state the money is needed in order to help pay for the childs needs, you insist i'm only doing it "out of anger". If I had any anger towards the father I wouldn't have invited him to meet his son. If he gave a crap about his kid, he could have seen him that day, but it's obvious he wants nothing to do with it unless he's FORCED to (sorry, but that defines a LOZER with all caps in my book).

As far as putting him in debt: me moving out and taking care of my kid all by myself with no help would put me in debt, unless I got on some sorts of welfare. Do *YOU* really want to be the one supporting my "angry single white trash ass" with your tax dollars? DIDN'T THINK SO.

Sorry but it takes two to tango and I feel the father does need to take some responsibility.


I guess it would've been better if I got our kid sucked down the machine planned parenthood machine however I was already 3 months along when the father decided to turn into an abusive psycho...and besides, i'd rather deal with people like you who bitch at me for having a kid and needing advice than psychotic pro-lifers.

 

[xANGELx]

I honestly DO NOT mind if he sees our son. I am not against the idea of him getting SUPERVISED visitation. He is a *VERY* emotionally unstable person who has a criminal record of violence. I didn't even know he had a record until recently I was able to get them online, he even beat one of North Carolina's defense attorney's sons half to death (i'm sure that will win him kudos in court). He was dischared from the military due to getting drunk and beating people up. I just do not want him ALONE with our son.

 

[Silverplum]

sugarplum, thanks for your replies. MrsK on the otherhand: WOW. You on the rag?

It's SILVERplum, but that's okay. Everyone gets it wrong, especially around Christmas. And though I am not MrsK, I take exception to your rude dismissal of her replies -- her points are quite valid. Just 'cause you don't like them does not negate their truths.

amazing how you know nothing of me and even though I clearly state the money is needed in order to help pay for the childs needs, you insist i'm only doing it "out of anger". If I had any anger towards the father I wouldn't have invited him to meet his son. If he gave a crap about his kid, he could have seen him that day, but it's obvious he wants nothing to do with it unless he's FORCED to (sorry, but that defines a LOZER with all caps in my book).

LEGALLY -- and this IS a LEGAL INFO site -- it makes him a within-the-law dude.

Furthermore, YOU have prevented him from enjoying the first several years of the child's life. Important bonding years. And now you want $$$. Do you actually not see this???

As far as putting him in debt: me moving out and taking care of my kid all by myself with no help would put me in debt, unless I got on some sorts of welfare. Do *YOU* really want to be the one supporting my "angry single white trash ass" with your tax dollars? DIDN'T THINK SO.

This was your decision. Take responsibility.

Sorry but it takes two to tango and I feel the father does need to take some responsibility.

See? Take responsibility like you want him to take. So do the legal thing and get it set up. But he is NOT a deadbeat BEFORE a court order.

I guess it would've been better if I got our kid sucked down the machine planned parenthood machine however I was already 3 months along when the father decided to turn into an abusive psycho...and besides, i'd rather deal with people like you who bitch at me for having a kid and needing advice than psychotic pro-lifers.

Chica, no one suggested that to you. You don't even need to go there.

 

[Silverplum]

I honestly DO NOT mind if he sees our son. I am not against the idea of him getting SUPERVISED visitation. He is a *VERY* emotionally unstable person who has a criminal record of violence. I didn't even know he had a record until recently I was able to get them online, he even beat one of North Carolina's defense attorney's sons half to death (i'm sure that will win him kudos in court). He was dischared from the military due to getting drunk and beating people up. I just do not want him ALONE with our son.

Prove it in court.

 

[Just Blue]

I honestly DO NOT mind if he sees our son. I am not against the idea of him getting SUPERVISED visitation. He is a *VERY* emotionally unstable person who has a criminal record of violence. I didn't even know he had a record until recently I was able to get them online, he even beat one of North Carolina's defense attorney's sons half to death (i'm sure that will win him kudos in court). He was dischared from the military due to getting drunk and beating people up. I just do not want him ALONE with our son.

Funny...You never mentioned that he has a violent criminal record...Don't you think it might be relevant to the advice you would get?

I would suggest that IF and WHEN paternity is established and visitation/custody is being determined, you have your attorney request supervised visitation due to his criminal history.

Also...Don't refer to one of out members as "being on the rag"....Unless you would like to go elsewhere for your advice.

 

[fairisfair]

don't make me sorry I helped you by being rude to the other senior members, we kind of like to reserve that for each other

so he is unstable and violent, well, you did choose him. and unless his violence has been directed at the child, it will not make him unfit to parent.

 

[Silverplum]

don't make me sorry I helped you by being rude to the other senior members, we kind of like to reserve that for each other

*snort!*

so he is unstable and violent, well, you did choose him. and unless his violence has been directed at the child, it will not make him unfit to parent.

Seconded. Fair is completely correct on this point.