Should I get Children's Services Involved ?

[car_guy]

What is the name of your state? Ohio

Trying not to get overly paranoid here but I don't want my son to endure anything that he doesn't have to.

I am in a custody battle with my ex. We have not yet went to court. I just got my first court ordered visitation this past weekend.

When I picked him up, he was filthy & smelled horrible. She sent the worst clothing that he has & most of it was dirty & very worn. His fingernails & toenails were disgusting & he had dirt all about his body that I took pictures of. She sent a toothbrush & no paste. Luckily I was prepared for all of this. When I asked him if he had a bath today or brushed his teeth, he said no, my mommy doesn't make me do that.

The whole weekend he kept saying how much he hated his mommy, didn't want to stay with her any more & wanted to live with me. I kept trying to discourage this talk but it came up many times over the weekend. He also told my mom that he didn't hate her, but to not tell anyone. Almost sounds like he is being pumped full of negatives.

He also asked me why I didn't live with him any more. Obviously a tough question which I struggled to answer. I just told him that his mommy & I felt that it would be best if we didn't live together any more. He said, that's ok, mommy has a new boyfriend sleeping in her bed. Keep in mind, I was only out about 10 days when the new guy came in. What makes it worse is that the apt. that they have is small & he shares a room with his mother. That means that they were all in the same bedroom.

In addition, he uttered several profanities which I won't repeat here but one was the "F" bomb. I told him that we do not talk like that & of course he says....my mommy does.

Now....he is going to be 4 soon. I realize some of what children say you have to take with a grain of salt. But I also understand that my son is a bright child & they don't miss a whole lot. I don't want to over react but I also don't want to let something go that I shouldn't. If something were to happen to him, I would never forgive myself.

Not sure what to do here....just asking for some advice. I hate to see my son not getting proper care.

Comments ?

 

[CJane]

The only thing that would warrant the involvement of family services is the filthiness and possibly the bedroom sharing, if you are concerned that something inappropriate is taking place.

But, let me say this. It's not against the law for children to be dirty and it's not against the law for them to not be 'forced' to brush their teeth. Gross for sure, but not illegal... UNLESS it rises to the level of neglect, and I can't tell from your post if it does, since kids can be pretty filthy just being kids.

Does the child attend day care?

If it were me, I would do this.

Make sure he has clean clothes at your house, from the skin out. Make sure he has his own toothbrush/toothpaste/towel/soap/shampoo/etc. Let him help pick everything out. Make a bath part of his bedtime routine at your house. Teach him hygiene at your house if he's not being taught at mom's.

 

[car_guy]

He does not attend day care.

As far as the teeth brushing is concerned, I'd have to say neglect. When she wasn't working & I was full time, many times I would be gone before anyone got up & be home after he went to bed. When I noticed an issue with his teeth, it was too late. I don't think it is unreasonable to expect the person that you are involved with to take care of our child. Especially if I can't be there to do it. Do i wish I would have noticed sooner ? Absolutely. I will accept some blame, but not all of it.

Most of his teeth have since been removed.

 

[CJane]

He does not attend day care.

As far as the teeth brushing is concerned, I'd have to say neglect. When she wasn't working & I was full time, many times I would be gone before anyone got up & be home after he went to bed. When I noticed an issue with his teeth, it was too late. I don't think it is unreasonable to expect the person that you are involved with to take care of our child. Especially if I can't be there to do it. Do i wish I would have noticed sooner ? Absolutely. I will accept some blame, but not all of it.

Most of his teeth have since been removed.

Did the dentist report to Family Services?

Lack of dental care CAN be considered neglect, but if you were living in the household, you would be held equally accountable regardless of your work schedule. I'm not saying I feel that way, but it's a legal fact.

 

[profmum]

He does not attend day care.

Most of his teeth have since been removed.

because of decay?.. then you have might havea case here for neglect, dont think CPS is the way to go, since you are still duking out the parenting issues, maybe time for a GAL to look at the appropriateness of each household

 

[stealth2]

A GAL would definitely be the way to go.

 

[Ohiogal]

Report mom to CPS and you will also be considered under the same umbrella.