single mom needing advice

[krislild]

What is the name of your state?nm

I have a 19 month old child whos father is not on the bc can I file for support? I dont care whether he really pays I just want him to have less financial resources to come after me. We have never been to court he is a druggy low life. Which unfortunally father my beautifull child.

 

[nextwife]

Right now he has NO paternal rights. It is your choice, but if he is a low life druggie, do you really want to establish his paternity? He can then file for visitation rights, because he will then be the legal father.

Of course, yes, he can still choose to file and establish paternity. But if he doesn't, he will not be established as the father UNLESS you file.

 

[stealth2]

You can file for support. He will be required to either acknowledge paternity or take a DNA test, or the court will find him legally the father by default. Once he is legally the father, he has every right to file for custody and/or visitation of the child. He will likely get at least supervised visitation should he do so. Supervised if you can actually prove that he's a drug addict and a danger to the child. And everytime you call him a druggy lowlife? Unless he raped you, remember that he's the one you spread your legs for, hon.

 

[krislild]

Yes I did get preganant from him obviously, but he is also among other things a very good liar and kept his life of drugs a secret from me. I have proof of his drug life, for one his family all knows about his history, not to mention he was in a rehab. I dont think he has been re-habiliated anyone who has lived the life he has for as long as he has can not be fixed in 1 month and half sorry but no. The reason I inquired about child support is the fact that he is toying with me he keeps threatening to take me to court. Although i dont see how he could, he can barely afford rent. I think i am a hell of a good mom, i work, go to school, (graduate from college in Dec. 2004 ) provide food, shelter, security, happiness, and most of all love for my child. My ex can barely support himself, is living with some girl in and her child in a 1 room shack. I think that is really tacky. One more question if he files for a court hearing would it be best for me to agree to a parenting plan? instead of court or would I be better off going through the court system. I would only agreed to the parenting plan if i can be listen sole. physcial legal guardian, with him getting gradual supervised visits with either a court appointed person or one of my family memebers. Can I do that? thanks sorry its so long

 

[VeronicaGia]

Once you bring this in front of a judge, you no longer have a say in what happens, it is up to a judge. So while you say you will only agree to certain things, if a judge orders otherwise, so be it. You can ask a judge to order what you want, but a judge may decide that what you want is not in the best interests of the child.

 

[Grace_Adler]

In some states it's mandatory that you have to go through mediation first but you don't have to agree to anything you don't want to. If neither of you can agree on any type of parenting plan, it will be submitted to a judge and he/she will decide.

You may ask for sole custody if you wish and if you can prove his drug use, etc. you may be able to get supervised visitation until he shows improvement in his life, meaning no drugs, etc. I'm not saying you'll get it, but you can ask.

Go to a search engine and look around for factors determined in custody hearings, and try to go to your state's legislative website and look up the laws for your state in determining the factors for custody there.

If the judge does say something about you picking him, which I've never heard any judge say or ask it cuz most of them don't care and don't want to be there anyway, I'd tell them, that people change, that is a fact of life. Also people do have skeletons in their closets or don't show their true colors for a long time. Usually when you date you're on your good behavior to impress the other person anyway. Sometimes we find out too late what the person is really like. Sometimes, it's not til a few kids and 10 yrs later, you look at them and wonder who they are or who you are and why you are with them. Sometimes we never find out their secrets. That's life and personally, I think it is naive to think otherwise. People only show you what they want you to see and unless you hire a private detective, run an application, drug and medical history on everyone you date, which actually is a pretty good idea but not realistic. I'm sure a lot of us wish we could invent a time machine and go back and do things over.

 

[frylover]

Good post, Grace.

 

[Grace_Adler]

Thanks. I try. LOL