Single Mother in desperate need of advise

[Landonsmommy]

What is the name of your state? South Carolina

Let me preface this by saying I have never, in any way tried to keep my sons father away from him.
My ex-boyfriend was living with me and as soon as I found out that I was pregnant his attitude changed. I became an inconvenience to him. (b/c I was pretty sick in the beginning).....Our relationship quickly fell apart and I asked him to move out with the understanding that we could still have a civil relationship for "our" child. I called him everytime I went to the doctor to keep him informed of what was going on and I tried to discuss things with him about our sons name and everything. He even picked out our sons middle name.....Toward the end of my pregnancy he became very mean and told me he did not want me calling him anymore & he kept going back and forth on whether he even thought the child was his. (of that I have NO doubt)...Keeping my cool about all of this I told him that I would be glad to take a paternity test...he just needed to let me know when and where. I called him at the very end to ask him if he wanted me to call him when I went to the hospital and he said.."you can call & I might come sometime"...Well I did not call him because I just felt like he would have made a stressful situation even more stressfull. I did call him after I got home and told him that we was more than welcome to come or call anytime. My son is now 6 months old and his father has never seen him or made any attempts to see him. He did call one time wanting a copy of the birth certificate but I told him that he is not listed on it so I felt like there was no reason for him to have it.
I have talked to an attorney and will be persuing this as soon as my tax money comes in.
THE WAY I SEE IT IS: IF HE IS NOT GOING TO HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH MY SON THEN I JUST WANT HIM TO SIGN OVER HIS RIGHTS AND BE DONE WITH IT...BUT IF HE WANTS TO BE A FATHER THEN THAT IS GREAT BUT HE WILL BE A "FATHER" AND I DON'T WANT HIM TO BE ABLE TO POP IN AND OUT WHEN IT IS CONVENIENT FOR HIM. ANY CHILD SUPPORT THAT I WOULD RECEIVE WOULD BE PUT IN MY SONS COLLEGE FUND. I AM PERFECTLY CAPABLE OF TAKING CARE OF HIM.
DOES ANYONE OUT THERE HAVE ANY ADVISE OR INSIGHT ON A SITUATION LIKE THIS...THANKS..

 

[stealth2]

Most states won't let him TPR w/o a stepparent in the picture ready and willing to adopt. Be advised that terminating his parental rights (which he currently doesn't have unless he's been legally determined to be the father), there won't be any support.

 

[xKellyx]

Its not likely you will be able to terminate his parental rights like stealth said.
BUT
Keep a diary of everything that goes on with your child and with that sperm donator. If he does try to pull stunts later in the game then you will have a lot of proof of his tricks.

 

[Landonsmommy]

Thank you so much for your input....I really wish I could count on him being a "good father" but I really just don't see it happening. I just want to protect my son. As far as keeping up with everything...I have been doing that, not that there has been very much to keep up with...I look at my son everyday and see his father because he looks just like him and I feel so bad for the way this has turned out. Not that my son is lacking anything because between me and my family he could not be any more loved....I just want him to have a daddy.
I do have a wonderful man in my life that I hope to marry someday...
Question......Since he has said that he does not think that he is the father should I let him see him if he decides he wants to before we get to court?
My lawyer says that I do not have to let him see him if he is not paying child support...What do you think?

Landonsmommy

 

[stealth2]

Without a visitation order, you don't have to let him see the kid even if he IS paying support.

 

[casa]

Thank you so much for your input....I really wish I could count on him being a "good father" but I really just don't see it happening. I just want to protect my son. As far as keeping up with everything...I have been doing that, not that there has been very much to keep up with...I look at my son everyday and see his father because he looks just like him and I feel so bad for the way this has turned out. Not that my son is lacking anything because between me and my family he could not be any more loved....I just want him to have a daddy.
I do have a wonderful man in my life that I hope to marry someday...
Question......Since he has said that he does not think that he is the father should I let him see him if he decides he wants to before we get to court?
My lawyer says that I do not have to let him see him if he is not paying child support...What do you think?

Landonsmommy

Your lawyer is 1/2 Right and 1/2 Wrong. He's Right that you don't have to let him have visitation- because there is no court order for visitation. He's Wrong that child support dictates visitation. Once visitation is court ordered, you will have to allow it whether he pays support or not...if you have a problem receiving support then you contact the appropriate Child Support Enforcement office.

 

[Landonsmommy]

Thank you so much. Other than my attorney this is the first time I have felt like I was getting some sound advise and input. I appreciate it more than you know..