Slander via the Internet

[get8ted]

What is the name of your state? California, but my mother lives in Texas.

My parents were divorced over 40 years ago when I was 9. My father had custody of me, so I'm not close to my birth mother. I *did* contact her when I turned 18, but found her to be too painful to deal with, anyway, I've recently been in contact with her again, because her husband just passed away from cancer. Plus, her only surviving sisters, in England, just passed away recently also. I've actually been feeling sorry for her. She has no family left at all, and I'm the only blood relative she has left. She's in her late 70's.

Recently in a phone conversation, she said she knows I want her money...she has always "gaslighted" me with her money. You know, where it's a carrot dangled in front of you, only to be taken away. I'm financially just fine, and I've told her time and time again I don't want her money. She, in our last phone conversation, told me she's telling all her friends and her dead husband's family, that I'm a "bad" person sniffing after her money (could be dementia). I told her I won't tolerate this kind of behaviour from her and politely said I was hanging up now. I have never even met these "friends" either.

She called me back a couple of days later, but I didn't call her back. So, she (and some nefarious computer friend of hers) sent me an email using a webhosting site called pop.powweb.com. It somehow checked/tracked back links and she discovered some of my friends email addresses and sent one friend in particular emails harassing her for information on me. Saying things like, "we're worried about her mental health", and other horrible things I don't want to post here.

Isn't this slander? Can I do anything about this underhanded way of her "tracking" me via the internet and spreading malicious lies to my friends? How can I disown her so I won't have to do anything when she passes away? I want to renounce the fact she's even related to me. I don't want to ever have to make any decisions when it comes her end of life choices. I don't want any of this responsibility (though at this moment, I'd love to "put her away" in the home...but that's just my anger talking). I genuinely wish her no harm. She, on the other hand, wants to make trouble for me, by spreading slanderous lies.

Thanks for your time....

 

[quincy]

Anything defamatory that is written is called "libel" - slander is spoken defamation.

Bringing a defamation suit is very expensive and extremely time-consuming and there is never a guarantee of winning a suit.

Proving slander (the comments made to people you don't know in Texas) would be nearly impossible, and the email sent to your friend is probably not believed anyway, especially if your friends understand your 40+ year absense from your mom's life. There is a better-than-good chance you would lose a defamation suit based on these defamatory elements. In addition, reputational injury is the basis for all defamation suits, and I do not see from what you have posted that you have suffered from such an injury.

Saying mean things is free speech, for the most part, and opinion is free speech, for the most part, and the distance between Texas and Caifornia, and the distance of 40+ years would make any "factual" statements made by your mom unbelieveable, anyway. I would simply notify your friends that your estranged mother is possibly suffering from dementia, and leave it at that.

If the emailed comments are really bothering you, I suggest you have one more conversation with your mother, explaining that you have no interest in her money - however, if she wants to guarantee her money stays in her hands and not in yours, she should probably stop libeling you to friends. Then, stop all contact with her.

If you want to eliminate the responsibility of having to deal with the end-of-life care for your mother, appoint someone to act on your behalf, should decisions need to be made in the future.