Sneaky ex

[rhondag]

I'm in Nebraska and my EX is in the AF in South Carolina. We have been divorced for 3 yrs and he has never travelled here to Nebraska to pick up our daughter for visitation. He will travel to his mother's house in Oklahoma and I've always tried to get along and take our daughter down to visit, only asking him to please bring her back home before he leaves. He will always leave her at his mother's house and go back to SC and then his mom will call me and tell me to pick my daughter up. Two years ago I tried meeting him halfway for his summer visitation in Memphis, TN. Everything was fine until a week before I we were supposed to meet again for me to bring my daughter back home. He then told me that he didn't want to drive to Memphis again and that if I wanted her, I was going to have to come and get her. The divorce states that the receiving parent is supposed to make all travel arrangements and pay for the travel, so I had no other choice than to drive all the way to South Carolina and pick her up. Last year he wanted to meet me again in Memphis and I told him no, so he skipped his summer visitation. This year he asked again. I told him no again. His mother called me a couple months ago and asked if she could have my daughter for a visit and if it was OK if she took my daughter to SC for a week while she visited. I said that was OK as long as my daughter came back with her after the week was over. Well, of course, the grandma is back in OK and my daughter got left behind in SC. I asked my atty what I could do and she said nothing because it is his scheduled visitation time. Is there anyway I can get my daughter back without having to drive all the way down there again since he never made arrangements with me this year? Is this grounds to change the visitation and/or custody to sole custody instead of joint? Can the Grandmother be held liable for anything? The original divorce was in Oklahoma, but it is now been changed to Nebraska. Thanks

 

[morning_angel]

Is the grandmother stupid or something? Doesn't she realize that you didn't have to give her visitation and that you did it out of kindness? You may have to go retrieve your daughter, but I would let that grandmother know that you will never give her visitation separate from her son again if she does not return the child immediately as promised!

Technically, it seems as though they are working within the realm of your decree. The son had someone else transport the child to him, so he "made travel arrangements" for her, leaving you to retrieve her as your end of the deal. The fact that he said he wasn't going to have her and the fact that the grandmother said she would bring the child back and then didn't simply show that they are untrustworthy. Doubtful that it provides basis for change in custody or visitation.

I also doubt that you can hold any liability against the grandmother unless you have something in writing from her saying that she would bring the child back when she returned from SC. I'm not a lawyer, so maybe I'm wrong...

Next year, be even more cautious. Remember the saying: Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me...

Good Luck!

 

[LegalBeagle]

The only thing you can do is to only allow the father to pick up the child and ensure that it is to the court order. Therefore he makes the arrangement to pick up the child from Nebraska. No pickup, no visitation.