Sole Custody

[Finished2010]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? ? Texas

Hello to all and thanks for reading this. I have a five year old son and his father isnt involved in his life. I married in 2006 and my son now knows my husband to be his dad. This isnt something we taught him he got it from my oldest son who started calling my husband dad after we were married for a little under a year.(my oldest and youngest have different dads) The real father has been invited to see him, invited to birthday partys, and we have spoke a few times and I always try to let him know that I want him to be involved for our childs sake, he needs to know his real father. However there are circumstances, dad is a drug user and a heavy drinker and I think he suffers from a depression that may very well be the cause of his habits. He isnt a bad guy really just refuses to try and seek help for his problems and those things make me very nervous when it comes to allowing my son to interact with him. The times he did see him he was drunk or messed up on prescription meds, these things cause him to act irrationally, make him forgetful and then he passes out. We were involved for a little under three years, the whole time he did these things and he hasn't stopped. I stopped encouraging him to see our son and he stopped asking to except when he gets drunk then he starts to think about our son. I am to the point where I feel it is time for him to either step up or get out for good. I had thought that telling him he couldn't see his child would open his eyes and he would fight me for his right, I wanted him to but I needed him to see that his actions were inappropriate for a father, he has done nothing but what he always does. I do not think he has a real interest in our son or else he would have done something to see his child, those are his rights. He threatened a few times and I told him if he got clean, found a job and did something good for his self than he could have him every other weekend no courts involved but he has did nothing. Can I take him to court on the grounds of Extreme Paternal Disinterest? He signed an APO at the hospital and is on the birth certificate and our son carry's his last name. Me and my husband support him solely with no help from dad as he is usually unemployed too drunk or doped up to hold a job for very long. My son has developmental delays, was born with a cleft pallet and is now seeing an optometrist for help with his Ocular Motor Control, dad has very little knowledge of his child's struggles and wouldn't know how to care for our son anyway. I have never filed for support, honestly I would not receive it, AG can only garnish what is reported and most his work is under the table for a few weeks than no job for months after. He makes zero effort to support his self and lives with his mom who is on disability allowing her to provide for him. I am done trying to make him see that he has a son who needs him to do better for his self so he can be a dad to him. What do I do, what can I do, should I press child support and get the clocking running on abandonment as a friend suggested to me. How would that work with visitation I live in another country, (he did sign the consent.) and wouldn't want him with our son unsupervised, or even at his moms house, she takes a lot of pain meds and muscle relaxers and is usually really out of it. Thats where he gets all the pills from anyway, they eat them like pezz!! I hope I didn't seem to go on forever I am just trying to be as honest about the situation as possible and give all the facts, all of which I could probably prove in court. All advice is welcome, thanks again! Oh and guys I have read some of the other posts, go easy on me, I do understand that he is dad and he has rights and would welcome a relationship between him and our son but as a mother I cannot put my son in danger of being neglected while in his care, or hurt emotionally by his irresponsibility. Im just a mom trying to raise my son.

 

[breezybaby26]

You could file for child support even if you probably won't get it. However, in relation to that and custody, if the dad isn't showing any effort to be a part of the child's life then I don't see how his bad behaviors can hurt your son. If you truly believe that it would not be best for your child to interact with his dad, then don't encourage him to see him period. Does he have any court ordered visitation rights? I am not in any way claiming to know everything. I am only speaking from experience. If the father isn't fighting you on anything, then keep a log of every interaction (phone records, conversations, visits) and wait until HE is the one wanting to modify any current orders. Then submit to the court your log and anything else you have been keeping record of. If you don't think you will receive the child support then it really would be pointless to file. If he took you to court and said he has been supporting his child then you can request he submit proof of this. He won't be able to so the court will have the same views. If he is not paying, he is not paying... I have learned if you can avoid going to court then do. If it is necessary, you still have to prove it. That is what I am going through now. Good luck!

 

[DAD10]

Unless Dad has been proven to be a danger to your child, I see nothing that would compromise dads rights-Dad could post the same about you-and the same answer would apply.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? ? Texas

Hello to all and thanks for reading this. I have a five year old son and his father isnt involved in his life. I married in 2006 and my son now knows my husband to be his dad. This isnt something we taught him he got it from my oldest son who started calling my husband dad after we were married for a little under a year.(my oldest and youngest have different dads)

This is something YOU ALLOWED. Why didn't you correct your five year old and tell him the TRUTH?

The real father has been invited to see him, invited to birthday partys, and we have spoke a few times and I always try to let him know that I want him to be involved for our childs sake, he needs to know his real father.

Has paternity been established?

However there are circumstances, dad is a drug user and a heavy drinker and I think he suffers from a depression that may very well be the cause of his habits.

What you think matters not. What drugs does he use? What proof do you have that he is a heavy drinker?

He isnt a bad guy really just refuses to try and seek help for his problems and those things make me very nervous when it comes to allowing my son to interact with him.

Your opinion that those are problems.

The times he did see him he was drunk or messed up on prescription meds, these things cause him to act irrationally, make him forgetful and then he passes out. We were involved for a little under three years, the whole time he did these things and he hasn't stopped.

Yet you decided to have a baby with him.

I stopped encouraging him to see our son and he stopped asking to except when he gets drunk then he starts to think about our son. I am to the point where I feel it is time for him to either step up or get out for good.

That is nice.

I had thought that telling him he couldn't see his child would open his eyes and he would fight me for his right, I wanted him to but I needed him to see that his actions were inappropriate for a father, he has done nothing but what he always does. I do not think he has a real interest in our son or else he would have done something to see his child, those are his rights. He threatened a few times and I told him if he got clean, found a job and did something good for his self than he could have him every other weekend no courts involved but he has did nothing. Can I take him to court on the grounds of Extreme Paternal Disinterest? He signed an APO at the hospital and is on the birth certificate and our son carry's his last name.

Then he is dad. Does your husband want to adopt?

Me and my husband support him solely with no help from dad as he is usually unemployed too drunk or doped up to hold a job for very long.

Is there a child support order?

My son has developmental delays, was born with a cleft pallet and is now seeing an optometrist for help with his Ocular Motor Control, dad has very little knowledge of his child's struggles and wouldn't know how to care for our son anyway. I have never filed for support,

Don't complain about dad not supporting his son then.

honestly I would not receive it, AG can only garnish what is reported and most his work is under the table for a few weeks than no job for months after. He makes zero effort to support his self and lives with his mom who is on disability allowing her to provide for him. I am done trying to make him see that he has a son who needs him to do better for his self so he can be a dad to him.

Okay.

What do I do, what can I do, should I press child support and get the clocking running on abandonment as a friend suggested to me. How would that work with visitation I live in another country, (he did sign the consent.)

What country do you live in?

and wouldn't want him with our son unsupervised, or even at his moms house, she takes a lot of pain meds and muscle relaxers and is usually really out of it. Thats where he gets all the pills from anyway, they eat them like pezz!!

Prove it. When is the last time you saw him if you live in another COUNTRY.

I hope I didn't seem to go on forever I am just trying to be as honest about the situation as possible and give all the facts, all of which I could probably prove in court. All advice is welcome, thanks again! Oh and guys I have read some of the other posts, go easy on me, I do understand that he is dad and he has rights and would welcome a relationship between him and our son but as a mother I cannot put my son in danger of being neglected while in his care, or hurt emotionally by his irresponsibility. Im just a mom trying to raise my son.

You say you don't want dad to hurt him emotionally but how do you think your son is going to feel when he finds out the truth that your husband is NOT his dad?

 

[Pyrotastical]

Does the kid just prefer to call your current boyfriend dad or is he unaware that the title isn't entirely accurate? Is he aware of who is actually his father?

 

[Finished2010]

I didn't correct it because I didn't see anything wrong with it( son calling my husband dad) his "dad" isn't around and my husband is, also my oldest was calling him dad and my youngest was not even two yet, a big discussion for such a little one. My opinion. Other than the APO no paternity has been established. He uses weed, prescription pills and some harder things but I cant prove that only the weed and pills. There are no court orders for anything child support or otherwise. My husband would like to adopt we have asked dad and he says no way. We saw him last October when he signed the consent for our sons passport, he saw our son then too. Before that he hadn't seen him since his first birthday party. We invited him, he came, didnt pay much attention to our son and he left early. I am aware of how my son will feel when we explain it to him. I know he couldn't it understand now his receptive language ability's are severely low and he just couldn't comprehend what I am saying, I have asked his therapist because I had the same thought and she expressed that attempting to explain this to a young child especially one with language delays like my sons could only confuse him. She suggested waiting until he shows better receptive language scores. At this time all he is bound to understand is that he doesn't have a dad. Children do not know of things like legal starngers and paternity and since his real father isnt involved we have decided to wait until he can better understand our words. I have another question, sine dad knows of his sons existence, has been asked to clean up, knows how to contact us and doesn't, and shows little interest in building a relationship could his rights be terminated by proving Extreme Paternal Disinterest? From what I have read he has shown it please correct me if I am wrong. Thanks again.

 

[Finished2010]

I forgot to answer that we live in Italy now. My husband is Military and we are stationed here for the next 2 years.

 

[Ohiogal]

I didn't correct it because I didn't see anything wrong with it( son calling my husband dad) his "dad" isn't around and my husband is, also my oldest was calling him dad and my youngest was not even two yet, a big discussion for such a little one. My opinion.

Your opinion which is wrong on so many levels. It can be shown that you have attempted to alienate the actual father from his child. YOUR husband is NOT dad. You have also lied to this child.

Other than the APO no paternity has been established.

The APO is where he and you admitted paternity. But there are no court orders.

He uses weed, prescription pills and some harder things but I cant prove that only the weed and pills.

Weed is no big deal in many many places. Prescription pills for which he has prescription is no big deal.

There are no court orders for anything child support or otherwise. My husband would like to adopt we have asked dad and he says no way.

Dad is allowed to do that.

We saw him last October when he signed the consent for our sons passport, he saw our son then too.

He signed for HIS son's passport and saw HIS son in October.

Before that he hadn't seen him since his first birthday party. We invited him, he came, didnt pay much attention to our son and he left early.

HIS SON.

I am aware of how my son will feel when we explain it to him.

Really? So you have witnessed children who have been lied to about their parentage finding out that their mother is nothing more than a liar at the barest foundation? You will have a counselor on hand for your child to deal with this betrayal, correct?

I know he couldn't it understand now his receptive language ability's are severely low and he just couldn't comprehend what I am saying, I have asked his therapist because I had the same thought and she expressed that attempting to explain this to a young child especially one with language delays like my sons could only confuse him.

He could have understood if he was consistently told about his actual father and not mom's new bed partner and lead to believe a lie.

She suggested waiting until he shows better receptive language scores. At this time all he is bound to understand is that he doesn't have a dad.

Good grief.

Children do not know of things like legal starngers and paternity and since his real father isnt involved we have decided to wait until he can better understand our words.

No -- you have decided to make it easier on you.

I have another question, sine dad knows of his sons existence, has been asked to clean up, knows how to contact us and doesn't, and shows little interest in building a relationship could his rights be terminated by proving Extreme Paternal Disinterest? From what I have read he has shown it please correct me if I am wrong. Thanks again.

If you are in Italy where are you attempting to file an adoption?

 

[dannyt]

both of you czn go to court and you may not win

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? ? Texas

Hello to all and thanks for reading this. I have a five year old son and his father isnt involved in his life. I married in 2006 and my son now knows my husband to be his dad. This isnt something we taught him he got it from my oldest son who started calling my husband dad after we were married for a little under a year.(my oldest and youngest have different dads) The real father has been invited to see him, invited to birthday partys, and we have spoke a few times and I always try to let him know that I want him to be involved for our childs sake, he needs to know his real father. However there are circumstances, dad is a drug user and a heavy drinker and I think he suffers from a depression that may very well be the cause of his habits. He isnt a bad guy really just refuses to try and seek help for his problems and those things make me very nervous when it comes to allowing my son to interact with him. The times he did see him he was drunk or messed up on prescription meds, these things cause him to act irrationally, make him forgetful and then he passes out. We were involved for a little under three years, the whole time he did these things and he hasn't stopped. I stopped encouraging him to see our son and he stopped asking to except when he gets drunk then he starts to think about our son. I am to the point where I feel it is time for him to either step up or get out for good. I had thought that telling him he couldn't see his child would open his eyes and he would fight me for his right, I wanted him to but I needed him to see that his actions were inappropriate for a father, he has done nothing but what he always does. I do not think he has a real interest in our son or else he would have done something to see his child, those are his rights. He threatened a few times and I told him if he got clean, found a job and did something good for his self than he could have him every other weekend no courts involved but he has did nothing. Can I take him to court on the grounds of Extreme Paternal Disinterest? He signed an APO at the hospital and is on the birth certificate and our son carry's his last name. Me and my husband support him solely with no help from dad as he is usually unemployed too drunk or doped up to hold a job for very long. My son has developmental delays, was born with a cleft pallet and is now seeing an optometrist for help with his Ocular Motor Control, dad has very little knowledge of his child's struggles and wouldn't know how to care for our son anyway. I have never filed for support, honestly I would not receive it, AG can only garnish what is reported and most his work is under the table for a few weeks than no job for months after. He makes zero effort to support his self and lives with his mom who is on disability allowing her to provide for him. I am done trying to make him see that he has a son who needs him to do better for his self so he can be a dad to him. What do I do, what can I do, should I press child support and get the clocking running on abandonment as a friend suggested to me. How would that work with visitation I live in another country, (he did sign the consent.) and wouldn't want him with our son unsupervised, or even at his moms house, she takes a lot of pain meds and muscle relaxers and is usually really out of it. Thats where he gets all the pills from anyway, they eat them like pezz!! I hope I didn't seem to go on forever I am just trying to be as honest about the situation as possible and give all the facts, all of which I could probably prove in court. All advice is welcome, thanks again! Oh and guys I have read some of the other posts, go easy on me, I do understand that he is dad and he has rights and would welcome a relationship between him and our son but as a mother I cannot put my son in danger of being neglected while in his care, or hurt emotionally by his irresponsibility. Im just a mom trying to raise my son.

sure you can take him to court-and he can also take YOU to court and sue you for custody due to parental alienation. you are allowing your son to call a legal stranger( and thats what your husband is) dad, and its going to cause you to be stripped of custody.judges frown heavily on that kind of behavior.

 

[LdiJ]

Your opinion which is wrong on so many levels. It can be shown that you have attempted to alienate the actual father from his child. YOUR husband is NOT dad. You have also lied to this child.


The APO is where he and you admitted paternity. But there are no court orders.


Weed is no big deal in many many places. Prescription pills for which he has prescription is no big deal.


Dad is allowed to do that.


He signed for HIS son's passport and saw HIS son in October.


HIS SON.


Really? So you have witnessed children who have been lied to about their parentage finding out that their mother is nothing more than a liar at the barest foundation? You will have a counselor on hand for your child to deal with this betrayal, correct?

He could have understood if he was consistently told about his actual father and not mom's new bed partner and lead to believe a lie.


Good grief.


No -- you have decided to make it easier on you.

If you are in Italy where are you attempting to file an adoption?

The bolded is a bit contradictory for you. Here is a parent properly referring to the child as "our" child, and you are chastising her for that and insisting that the child be referred to as "his" child?

Op, please explain, in detail, how much contact there has been between dad and the child over the last 5 years. We know that there is going to be little to no contact with dad for the next two years, since he gave you permission to move to Italy with the child, but we honestly need to know how much contact there has been between dad and the child up to the point that you moved to Italy.

 

[stealth2]

The bolded is a bit contradictory for you. Here is a parent properly referring to the child as "our" child, and you are chastising her for that and insisting that the child be referred to as "his" child?

I'm guessing that OG thought OP was using "our" as her and her husband's child, rather than her and her ex's, since the child calls husband "Dad".

 

[Ohiogal]

The bolded is a bit contradictory for you. Here is a parent properly referring to the child as "our" child, and you are chastising her for that and insisting that the child be referred to as "his" child?

Op, please explain, in detail, how much contact there has been between dad and the child over the last 5 years. We know that there is going to be little to no contact with dad for the next two years, since he gave you permission to move to Italy with the child, but we honestly need to know how much contact there has been between dad and the child up to the point that you moved to Italy.

When she starts the sentence with WE as in "We saw him last October when he signed the consent for our sons passport, he saw our son then too." -- the our referred back to the WE in my mind. Especially since she has made no bones about the fact that her husband is the child's daddy. If the OUR referred to her and the LEGAL father then I apologize. But the way the sentence is written, I took the OUR to mean her and her daddy-substitute.

 

[Ohiogal]

sure you can take him to court-and he can also take YOU to court and sue you for custody due to parental alienation. you are allowing your son to call a legal stranger( and thats what your husband is) dad, and its going to cause you to be stripped of custody.judges frown heavily on that kind of behavior.

YOU are an idiot. Completely and totally. This is incorrect information. Look at the history -- the judge will NOT turn over custody to dad when dad has not developed and established relationship with his child. Mom will most likely be dinged with some sort of sanction but at this stage it would NOT be loss of custody. However if dad fought long enough down the road it could happen.

Now please quit.

 

[LdiJ]

When she starts the sentence with WE as in "We saw him last October when he signed the consent for our sons passport, he saw our son then too." -- the our referred back to the WE in my mind. Especially since she has made no bones about the fact that her husband is the child's daddy. If the OUR referred to her and the LEGAL father then I apologize. But the way the sentence is written, I took the OUR to mean her and her daddy-substitute.

I see your point. I took "we" to mean her and the child, but you could be right that she was referring to herself and her husband, or maybe all three of them...which certainly would infer something different with "our".