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Some Advice Please. (Long)

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FedupMomma

Junior Member
What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? PA

I will try stick to only facts and not give any personal opinions as I know they don’t hold water in court. All dates are Approximate if not given in exact date format. I apologize for this being so long and to think I cut out a lot of things.

DH and I married 7/5/02
I came to the marriage with one child (father deceased) Dh came to marriage with one child. (Child in question).

During the time of the marriage I kept trying to get my husband to see things where not right with his son.
He has had full physical custody of the child since he was 6 months old. No court order CS, He told BM he would not go for it if she let him have custody. BM visitation was 6 days.

2003. Her visitation put on temp. hold because of abuse allegations by SM and BF. Child came home bruised up pretty badly saying mom hit him with a piece of wood. Child at this time is 3. CYS talk to SS, agree something happened but because of problems in speech that can not understand him properly and the case is denied with out satisfactory finding, but it is marked in the report that something happened at BM house. This goes on for the next year with many court appearances and visitation being reduced to 4 hours supervised with BM’s mother (where the abuse took place) and father gaining full physical and full primary custody. SM has to get a restraining order out again BM because she has come to the house on many occasions threatening to kill SM and baby that SM was carrying. Police witness this charges filed she is fined and put on probation.

BM has spent time in jail on numerous counts. 1 for theft of atm card, check book stolen from her grandfather. 2. Lack of paying fines. 3. Not doing her community service. 4. Violation of probation.

Fast forward to present (leaving some repetitive stuff out like more abuse). Child has since shown sexual behavior at the age of 6. He has seen countless psychiatrist and psychotherapists . All claim child was traumatized with mental, sexual and physical abuse. All have diagnosed him with a stress disorder. He also has severe learning disabilities and is truly a handful his behavior is horrible. He has been undergoing treatment for all the above for the past 2 1/2 years. All state visitation with mother should be stopped. This even came from one of the psychiatrists the court appoints for children. Of course she wasnt court appointed for us, since SS had already been seeing her.

BM is in arrears with child support at almost 7 thousand dollars. No payments from her since Dec. 17th 0f 2004. Went domestic relations over this. They stated she was in contempt for the 2nd time. Put the order in for court and recommendation for her to serve jail time. Judge signed and approved this. Courts are backed up still waiting for hearing. Once hearing starts she will have 7 days to pay ¾ of the arrears if she doesn’t then she will serve the jail time. BM refuses to work. Very capable of working, just does not want too.

There has been no contact now with BM since Dec. 25th of 2005. She just stopped calling and stopped meeting at the designated place for her and her mother to pick son up for her 4 hour visit.

We do have a decent attorney but over the past few years the money we have spent in court is starting to hurt us. We have 3 kids total. I would love to be able to adopt my SS I have raised him since he was 3.
Are these good reasons and do you think we have a good chance of getting her rights terminated. Or should we hold our breaths and pray and let more time pass to which she has had no contact.

She has offered many times to sign over her rights if we pay her 25 thousand dollars (we don’t have this). She has also at times offered reqesting no money, but then her mom told her she would throw her out and she would be homeless. She would have signed him over already if it wasn’t for the mother. (Who also has no contact with him)

Thank you in advance for getting reading far in all of this.
 


FedupMomma

Junior Member
brisgirl.. Thank you for taking your time to read my long post and for responding. I am viewing the website you posted. When DH calls I am going to tell him to just set the apt. with our attorney and once again we will pull the resources from somewhere to pay him. The child is more important then the money. Thank you once again.
 

brisgirl825

Senior Member
It often works to tell the bio-parent that you will forgive arrears for thier cooperation and agreement for the adoption. This would be especially useful in your case given the fact that bm could be facing jail time.

I am forgiving arrears as a part of our deal. It's usually about money with bio-parents like this. In your case, given the abuse, I'd pull anything I could, legally, to get it done.

GL.
 

FedupMomma

Junior Member
We have offered to forgive arrears. The last time she agreed to sign over her rights so I could adopt we went and had our attorney fill out all the paper work, paid him. Set the apt. for her to go and sign and she never showed up because her mom had found out. So money thrown away basically. After that she did see SS for a bit but now its just stopped. She was involved in a drug bust in our old home town (we moved out because of how bad it has gotten) and we even tried to use that to show how she is unfit but her boyfriend at the time took the fall and is currently still in jail.

She has a known drug and alcohol problem and made the mistake of sending us a letter from jail with all her admissions of her drug and alcohol problems in and how she was going to seek help. She never did. We also have little drawings she did with SS while he was actually seeing her showing pictures of a house with the captions Child's name.. New House when Mommy takes him away from Daddy. He would come home a mess after that because he doesn’t even want to see her let alone live with her. The courts have warned her against this behavior many times. (I know this is little petty stuff, but it adds in with the bigger issues like the different types of abuse he had to endure)

All I can do is hope right before this goes to court for her lack of paying CS that she will be willing to sign over her rights and actually do it so we can finally move on from all of this. When she didn’t sign the last time, she told us, If we forgave the arrears she would sign over her rights, she wanted me to drop my restraining order and let her have every other weekend with overnights with SS. We of course didn’t do this. She is on very restricted visits now, why would we give her more.
 
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nextwife

Senior Member
I suspect from your description that the child may also have FAS/FAE or fetal drug exposure. Or both.

I would file for a TPR on the basis of abandonment and abuse.
 

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