Son being harrassed at school

[upal_2]

My son is an eight-grade junior high school student. At lunchtime on Thursday, December 20, 2001, a male student who is also in the eight-grade approached my son. The other student then said something to my son in Spanish. My son asked a friend of his who happened to be near him what the other boy said. The friend told my son that the Spanish-speaking student told my son to perform oral sex on him. My son told the Spanish-speaking student to save it for his mother. The student who made the sexual comment to my son then punched my son in the face knocking him to the ground. My son quickly got back up and kicked the Spanish-speaking student several times in the rib cage. Several friends of the Spanish-speaking student saw that their friend was not doing well in the fight jumped into the fight. One of the friends of the Spanish-speaking student placed a condom on my son’s shoulder, and began calling names such as puta, and hoto. At that point, several staff members came upon the scene and broke up the fight. My son and the Spanish-speaking student were taken to the office. I came to the school a short while later. I tried speaking to the boy’s mother, but she was unwilling to admit that her son had a problem.

When I arrived at the school I was greeted by one of the head administrators. I was informed that my son had been involved in a “confrontation.” I was also informed that my son was %50 responsible for causing the fight. After hearing what the two boys had to say and after talking to the police officer that took the report, I could not possibly understand how they could consider my son to be half at fault for the fight. The other boy does not deny any of the things that took place. In fact he seems rather proud of his actions.

As I drove my son home from school, he informed me that the same student had been pushing him for a fight on at least two other occasions that same week. In both instances the same Spanish-speaking student would make very sexual comments towards my son, and would do such things as pushing, and trying to trip my son.

I feel that I send my son to school to get an education for the betterment of his future. I also feel that it is the responsibility of the school to provide a safe environment for my son to learn in. I feel that the school was possibly negligent in allowing this to happen. Also, I am not happy with the way they handled the situation once they did finally act on it. They consider my son to be equally at fault, and this is now a part of his permanent record. Until this point, my son has gotten very good grades in school, and has not any discipline problems. I would like to know if I could take legal action against the school, and on what grounds.

Also, I am very concerned about the homosexual language that the other student was using against my son. My son felt very embarrassed and harassed by these remarks. My son is concerned that these comments have damaged his reputation at school, and is no longer eager to attend school. Also, my son was struck several times by the other student. Although my son finally did defend himself, it was only after the other student hit him first. I would like to know if I could take legal actions against the Spanish-speaking boys parents. I would like to use sexual harassment, and assault and battery. I will also appreciate any advice if there is some other area where I can hold the parents accountable for the actions of their son. Also my son is of Asian decent, so I am wondering if this is a possible hate crime.

I live in California, and I apologize for making this message so long but I did not want to leave out anything important.

 

[No lo gonna go]

Are you for real????????

Wow, I'm afraid you are.

Do us all a favor, and move to Switzerland. I hear 8th grade pansies get special protection there.

 

[Cool1]

Disregard this jackass. He sounds like an 8th grader also. As a parent, I understand your concern for your son. Hopefully someone with a legal background will give you some useful advice. It sounds like your son is in a no - win situation. If you pursue legal action, your son may be treated worse by the friends of the Latino kid; if you do nothing - well, your son's situation stays the same.
You might want to go down to the police station and ask if assault charges can be brought against a 13-year old who sucker-punched your child. If so, you may get some action from the parents if they don't want their son to have a criminal history.

 

[JETX]

I know you are not going to like this... but there is NOTHING that you can do. This 'trouble' is not unlike what goes on 100's of times a day.... when kid smart-mouths another and a fight starts. Barring some extremely unusual circumstances, your only real option is to remove your child from that environment. This means that he will either have to get past it, or go to a different school.

However, I do have to respond to something in your post.
You said that the 1st student made derogatory comments to your son. Granted, the comment made was grossly offensive ("to perform oral sex on him"). However, your sons response back was equally grossly offensive ("to save it for his mother"). In my opinion, your sons mouth got him into trouble, at least equally. Then, your post says that the 1st student "punched my son in the face knocking him to the ground", to which your son responded by kicking "the Spanish-speaking student several times in the rib cage". Sorry, but taken in that context (your own words), it appears to me that YOUR son was certainly equally responsible for the circumstance, if not more so. Your son could have first walked away (I know, VERY hard to do).

As for the suggestion that you take this to the police, lets look at the reality of your own post. The 1st student might have committed assault on your son with the punch. But, then your son committed AGGRAVATED assault (much more serious) by kicking him in the ribs while he was already down.

Sorry, but if you came to me with these facts, I would say: (1) Your son was damn lucky to not get worse, and (2) I would seriously suggest that you get some help for your son to cope with HIS problem.

 

[No lo gonna go]

Cool(ha!)1...

I'm a parent and the member of the bar in 5 states, and my kid would wipe the snot off the floor with this pansy, and I'd laugh all the way.

 

[upal_2]

No lo gonna go?

Well, let me see if I can figure this one out. You seem to be full of righteous indignation regarding the fact that I have posted a comment regarding a group of Hispanic students who are harassing my son at school. I cannot help but wonder if your attitude would be the same if my son was of Latino decent, and another ethnic group was harassing him? Since you have so quickly jumped to your misguided conclusion without having all the facts regarding the case, I can only assume that your judgment is extremely prejudiced towards what you consider to be a preferred group, and it’s too painful for you to face the fact that people with undesirable behavior come from every background. Unlike some people, my family places great value on education, and the impact it has one’s future. “Do not do to others what you would not want done to yourself,” is something that we have always taught our children; it’s too bad that more people don’t teach the same.message. Also, as for my son needing help, my son has been in martial arts for several years, and has been instructed to only defend himself when it is absolutely necessary. I guess his problem is preventing several other kids from beating him up. If No Lo Gonna Go really has kids I feel very sorry for them. I quess you get what you pay for, it appears that free legal advice is not worth anything

 

[TessKokko]

Ingore the idiot...He has responded to almost everyone on this messege board. He She It hates everyone..no matter what the color or race.

I have children of my own. and I understand what you are going thru. I dont have the answers, but I would file a complaint somewhere, YES your son hit back, but isnt that defending himself? Do we let others kick smack punch and turn the other cheek and then walk away?. I agree its hard to do, but sometimes its not the solution.

I wouldnt want my child to stand there and let someone else hurt her. I wouldnt do it if someone was attacking me, why would I expect my child or anyone for that matter to do otherwise.

Try calling the Board of Ed. There has to be someone you can complain to.

Maybe its time the parents take a stand and DEMAND that thier children be safe in school. If that means getting the OTHER child out of the school, then so be it. Board of Ed might look into getting HELP for that child. Sounds like this child has issues and needs help, You and I or the school are not equipt to handle this. Maybe counceling?

Not make this this a long letter... But in my district we had a 6 year old whos mother was jailed for drugs. The grandmother took custody of the little girl and placed her in our school, wanting something better for her grand-daughter. As it turned out this little girl was showing the other 1st graders how to roll a joint. A lot of parents were in an uproar, wanted the child out of the school. I dont blame them, Everyone missed the real issue. This child was in NEED of HELP. Counceling...She grew up in this enviroment and didnt know any better. IT wasnt fair for this little girl as well as the other children. To take her out and place her in another school was NOT the solution.

Dont loose faith, call the Board of Ed, and voice your concerns.

Our children are the future. Lets not forget that!

Good luck with your situation. Keep us posted as to the outcome.

Tess

 

[JETX]

TessKokko: " YES your son hit back, but isnt that defending himself? Do we let others kick smack punch and turn the other cheek and then walk away?.

That's pretty much a complete distortion of the FACTS as presented by the writer. Her son did NOT just "hit back". The FACTS are that one student punched the other, then the second KICKED the first in the ribs while he was down. THAT is not nearly as inocuous as you presented.

Using your principal, someone would be justified to shoot a person who uses a knife. Or use a hand grenade if the other has a rifle. Or use a tank, if the other has a machine gun.

All this 'kumbaya' stuff is fine, but it has NOTHING to do with the law!!

 

[TessKokko]

I do have mixed feelings in this catagory. But I can say with all homesty, someone comes after me with a "knife" and I happen to have licenced " gun" on me, would I shoot? Damn right I will if he/she doesnt back off. Come after me and I happen to get the better of you, well , maybe you shouldnt have started in the first place.

All I am saying is defend yourself anyway you can. The other child attacked first. Are you saying the the other kid should have let him continue hitting him? And the school is trying to blame BOTH children ? I would LOVE to see if it was one of their child that was caught in a situation like this, what would these parents say? Or how about your child. As far as the cursing goes, words are words, you can walk away.

One kid started the fight, the other kid stood his ground, the other kid got UPSET cus his mother was mentioned?

I am missing something here!...The law does say you can defend yourself, by any means. If the school system is loosing control of the children, then someone better get off thier butt and fix it. By blaming both kids isnt going to solve or make the problem go away.

I say this mother has an obligation to her son to stand by his side. She should fight for HIS rights. Lets not forget who started the fight!! just because it didnt turn out the way the first kid wanted doesnt mean BOTH kids are to blame

Would you be saying the same if it was 2 adults?

Tess

 

[No lo gonna go]

Pansy parents breed pansy kids. Wah.

 

[upal_2]

Thanks Tess

Tess Kokko, you seem to be the only person on this board that appears to have any common sense! I will call in fact call the board of education and let them know that I am not satisfied with the haphazard manner in which they handle things. I agree that this student who hit my son has issues, recently it came to light that he has been suspended in the past for fighting. Also, it has come to light that he has been going around school bragging that he was going to beat up my son. The issue seems to be that he wants to promote himself as being able to defeat someone who has martial-arts skills. Perhaps, I did not make myself very clear during my first post, at the time that my son kicked the boy that hit him, both boys were on their feet. The other boy was trying lunge at my son as he got up from the ground. My son kicked the other boy to prevent him for attacking him further. At that point, several friends of the attacker jumped in against my son. At about the same time several teachers came and broke the fight up.

No lo gonna go, why don’t you go crawl back to whatever AOL chat-room you are a refugee from. You are a very corrupt person, get yourself the help that you so desperately need.

 

[JETX]

Okay, I guess I didn't realize that this was the Oprah hour. You got a 'knee-jerk' feel-good response sympathizing with your situation (though of NO legal value).

And you ignore the post that has legal relevance, but is maybe a little too harsh and realistic for you. In any case, continue your 'my child is perfect' position with your head in the sand. The only benefit to it is that you feel good.

As I said, you should be darn glad that YOUR 'innocent' child isn't facing charges of aggravated assault, especially since you have now told us that he has had martial arts training.

In closing, I might add that you should consider getting your money back from his training. One thing that I learned in mine was to CONTROL my ability to cause harm to others, not to promote it.

In any case, you will believe and do what you want. I just have to wonder why you even brought your case here if you didn't want to (or refuse to) hear the reality of your situation.

Best of luck to you and your son.

 

[upal_2]

Halket

For some reason that I cannot understand you seem to think that my son kicked another boy who was lying on the ground, you seem to have become fixated on this part of the story. As I have already stated, my son kicked the other boy as they were both standing on their feet. At no point during the fight did the Latino boy become knocked to the ground. I am very satisfied with his martial arts training, I think my son showed a great deal of restraint, if you read my first post completely you would have realized that the Latino boy had already been egging him for a fight on two other occasions, and my son only used violence after he was attacked. My son, and several witness from the school have stated that the Latino boy likes to approach people and stand very near to them while giving them the mad-dog look and at the same time making homosexual remarks. This kid and his friends seem to feel that they are part of a prison-gang, and they are out to make other students their bitches. I guess in your opinion my son must be responsible for this as well. I suppose it must be my son’s fault that someone placed a condom on his arm as he was punched in the face and fell to the ground. Do I think my son is perfect, far from it; he is a typical thirteen years old. Once again let me state for the record that my son does not have a history of fighting at school, and unlike the other kid has never been suspended.

In my opinion, I think you should consider taking an adult reading class, perhaps you can learn to retain some information next time you happen to do some reading. Also, try learning to not interject your own emotions into other peoples problems; this would probably be a great benefit to everyone.

 

[JETX]

 

[ferlee]

Does the school have a handbook or policy guidelines or anything along those lines? What does that say about fighting? If I recall correctly, in my high school handbook stated that all individuals in a fight were to be found equally responsible.(It's been awhile though, a little foggy on the details.) Why? Because kids will be kids and will mouth off and get into fights. By declaring equal responsibility, there's none of the he said/he said juvenile talk that matters. The only thing that mattered was who was involved. The only way to avoid the punishment was to walk away. Even if you state he "only used violence after he was attacked", you are not disagreeing (rather placing an assertation) that he *did* use violence. I had the phrase "self-defense" in mind until you kindly provided me with the term "violence", which in this day and age is taken rather seriously in schools. And it doesn't matter whether the other kids have a suspension record and he doesn't. The fact of the matter is you have admitted he used violence, suspension is appropriate.

You want to take legal action? I'm not a lawyer, nor am I familiar with the laws of your state, but here's the way I see it.

As to the assault and battery. I agree with the earlier thread that you are lucky your son wasn't charged with aggravated assault. If he does have the martial arts training, that makes his fighting "more dangerous" than the other boys. I can't tell if there was actually a kick or if that was someone else's tangent. In my state, a kick will add on "with a dangerous weapon (shod foot)". But even if he didn't kick, he is trained to fight. It's still AGGRAVATED assault by your son. A juvenile record is a little more serious than a school suspension. Let it go.

As to the sexual harrassment, you might have a better case, albeit against the school, not the parents. However, is this a *documented* on-going thing? Have you made previous complaints (with the school, in writing)? If not, was it because you understood that boys were being boys and kids mouth off? It was all fun and games until someone got suspension. Now you're mad and want someone to pay. And he thinks he's got teasing problems now?!

As to the hate crime? Give me a break!! You said yourself that "they are out to make other students their bitches". Last time I checked, "students" are not a protected class. By saying "students", you are implying that they do this to everybody. In that case, your son was not singled out. A hate crime has not occurred because it appears that your bully is an equal opportunity offender.

So this leads me to think you've got options. Switch schools... ignore the bully... learn something from this and move on... (do you want me to keep going?). With kids of his age, this will be yesterdays news by next week. By pursuing this, you're dragging out the time that he has to deal with it. Let it go and let the kids find their new target du jour.

Still, I'm not a lawyer and I'm from a more conservative state. However with the mocking posts thus far, it looks like it's not something to pursue. You need to take your own advice. Once you subtract your emotion from this situation, you'll see why it's not being taken seriously. You asked for advice; you received it; you didn't like it; you fought back and fought back. Apple doesn't fall far, huh?

What ever happened to boys will be boys. Let them be kids while they still have the chance.

First and only child, eh?

Okay I'm done ranting. Sorry I went on so long.