special needs child

[steadfast]

What is the name of your state? MA

My daughter is 10. Her father and I never married. We have joint legal custody and I have physical custody. He is not big on visitation, he sees her about once a month or two. He pays child support as ordered. She has turned out to be severly disabled, meaning she is full, total care. She cannot walk, talk, feed herself or use the bathroom. When she was younger he asked me if I was going to institutionalize her--i told him NO. I care for her at home and love doing so. He resents paying child support.
My question is this: If I die, can he institutionalize her (at the opposition of my sister who would want her)? If it would mean he would NOT have to pay child support he would do it. I am sure he would not want her nor would he be capable of caring for her(no family support). He works full time. If a father places a child in a longterm care facility does he still pay child support?
Thankyou for any input.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state? MA

My daughter is 10. Her father and I never married. We have joint legal custody and I have physical custody. He is not big on visitation, he sees her about once a month or two. He pays child support as ordered. She has turned out to be severly disabled, meaning she is full, total care. She cannot walk, talk, feed herself or use the bathroom. When she was younger he asked me if I was going to institutionalize her--i told him NO. I care for her at home and love doing so. He resents paying child support.
My question is this: If I die, can he institutionalize her (at the opposition of my sister who would want her)? If it would mean he would NOT have to pay child support he would do it. I am sure he would not want her nor would he be capable of caring for her(no family support). He works full time. If a father places a child in a longterm care facility does he still pay child support?
Thankyou for any input.

A father is responsible for the support of his child regardless of where that child is living. Having his daughter institutionalized does not get him out of supporting her. While it may not be considered child support, he would be responsible for the cost of the facility which would probably be far more than just the child support.
Would your sister get your daughter if you die? No. Custody would go to dad. HOWEVER, sister could try and fight for custody. there is no guarantee she would win. She would have to prove dad unfit. You cannot will a child to someone.

 

[steadfast]

I understand that I cannot will her to my sister. Do you think the judge would take into consideration that with my sister she would NOT placed in a long-term care facility and therefore a better quality of life? Would that "matter" to the court? Or would they just say-she goes with her "father" and he can do whatever he wants with her?
Would the fact I have kept records of his actual visitations showing 6-10 short visits a year with no hands on care at all -help in this case? She has so many "care needs" that he has no clue about- ie-how to feed her, lift her, roll her, prevent skin breakdown, give her meds, etc.

Thanks.

 

[Ohiogal]

I understand that I cannot will her to my sister. Do you think the judge would take into consideration that with my sister she would NOT placed in a long-term care facility and therefore a better quality of life? Would that "matter" to the court? Or would they just say-she goes with her "father" and he can do whatever he wants with her?
Would the fact I have kept records of his actual visitations showing 6-10 short visits a year with no hands on care at all -help in this case? She has so many "care needs" that he has no clue about- ie-how to feed her, lift her, roll her, prevent skin breakdown, give her meds, etc.

Thanks.

Again sister would have to prove that dad was unfit. If dad is not unfit then he has the right to make the decisions including putting the child in an institution. Visitations may help however dad does NOT have to exercise his visitation. It is a right for you to provide it to him but a choice for him to exercise it.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

I have been an advocate for persons with disabilities and a teacher for special needs/DD.
As a family law matter, this is an excellent time to petition the courts for a GAL to represent the child.
You were never married and this is a lot to expect of a casual father, neither of you should have any feeling of guilt because this necessiary consideration, especially when a child is profoundly disabled. Is she accessing all the resources available through the Commonewalth's DD programs? What about respite care? Have your named your sister as standby guardian in your will and has she agreed to this responsibility?
Many parents of disabled children facing the child's potential instationalization due to total care requirements, also consider termination of parental rights. This is not mean or cruel, it is pragmatic and often a greater disservice to postpost plans for transitioning a disabled child outside the home environment.

 

[steadfast]

Thankyou for your insight--yes, there is a lot of legalities to consider in the coming years and the sooner the better. I plan to care for my daughter until I can no longer physically do so because I want to do it and believe I can Yes I am accessing all services available to her at this point.
I do need to update my will specifying my sister as a standby guardian--are there lawyers that specialize in special needs? Because I also need to do a special needs trust and need to become her legal guardian as she reaches the age of 18 and beyond.
What I gather here is that longterm care would cost her father more than child support so he might actually go for my sister taking her...which is good news...he will do whatever is cheaper for him.
Could you tell me how a GAL would be of service?

Thankyou.