Step Daughter's Health

[MamaChel]

What is the name of your state? Nebraska
My step daughter( 4 years old) was diagnosised with asthma and allergies in feb 2002. My husband had just filed for custody in jan 2002.
Bio mom and Dad were never married and custody had not been determined.
Feb 2002 the judge decided that the court will have temp custody of the daughter and that Bio mom be primary care giver, since child support was being paid to her. Also that the daughter will continue to see the asthma Dr my husband took her to.
Bio mom missed many of the asthma treatments ( leaving machine at the sitters and missing the evening treatments)
Bio mom took daughter for a 2nd opinion in April. 2nd Dr took her off all asthma meds and put her on an antibiotic. Bio mom didn't give daughter the antibiotic correctly , missing doses,( the bottle was 3/4 full when it should of been empty) My husband had called the 2nd Dr and 1st Dr gave both of them each others notes. 1Dr is positive that she has asthma and should be on her meds, 2nd says she may have a cough asthma but just kept her on her allergy meds.
Bio mom refuses to think she has asthma and gets mad when she find out that we give her her asthma meds when she is with us.
The other problem is that bio mom lost her lawyer due to non payment and non copperation, Last Fri when our lawyer talked to the judge, The judge said that he will not make any decisions until bio mom retains another lawyer. If bio lost her other lawyer because she wouldn't pay or cooperate how is suppose to get another,, and Why is the judge not deciding on her health care. My Husband was trying to get incharge of all her healthcare. Bio mom doesn't want to admit her daughter has asthma and doesn't give meds to her daughter that her Dr she chose told her to.
What can we do to ensure my step daughter's health, once she has an asthma attack , we pray she never does, her lungs wil be damaged. Her asthma meds given correctly will ensure she will lead a healthy life.
Very Frustrated!!!!

 

[coolmomof4]

From one step mom tp another...I'm right there with ya sister!

I have a similar prob w/ my ss bio-mother. (SS lives with us). Bio-mom insisted on an allergy test in '99 because we insisted he was allergic to her pets. He would come home from EVERY visit with a severe rash all over (including in his ears around mouth). When the allergy test came back, he was off the chart scoring a 4+++ on an scale from 1-4 for cats AND dogs. She has both. (3-4 dogs and several stray cats ont he property she lets him play with). She refuses to believe the allergy is serious and won't get rid of or put the animals away during visits! We've paid in excessof $1000 in medical bills/meds for him! We finally had to stop taking him to the doctor each time beacuse of the cost! We still document though. You should do the same! Very important!

Luckily the doctor still calls in refills for us!

Can't wait to hear some replies for your post!

 

[ga-peach31710]

Just wanted to bump this one up because I was curious also, as to what you should do in this type of situation.

 

[MamaChel]

Add a question to this

If my husband takes the asthma meds to the daycare ( along with Dr. note) And has the daycare give the meds to her while she is there. Can Bio mom make them not give it to her?
( still in Nebraska)

 

[CMSC]

Re: Add a question to this

If my husband takes the asthma meds to the daycare ( along with Dr. note) And has the daycare give the meds to her while she is there. Can Bio mom make them not give it to her?
( still in Nebraska)

If there is a doctors order daycare will give meds to child as directed.

One more thing, you said that your husbands ex had a lawyer and didn't pay her. In my husbands case his ex had a lawyer that she didn't pay. She also told the lawyer she no longer wanted to use her as a lawyer. The lawyer had to file a "motion to withdraw as council" with the courts and because it was an ongoing custody case the motion was denied and the lawyer had to stay on the case as by the courts. I wasn't sure if this is how all courts work or not but it maybe something to look into.

Also not that you should have to do this but you may want to find out how much she owes her lawyer (if she can't find another one) and offer to pay part of it so the lawyer will stay on and this can get settled. We did this one time with an ex and it worked. We paid 1/2 of the bill and the lawyer went to court and things got settled quicker than waiting for ex to get another lawyer.

 

[karma1]

Daycares and meds....

not all daycares will agree to administer meds to a child but this solely relies on the policy of the daycare, if there is one regarding this. I worked for one that would not assume responsibility for this in any way-wierd, but that was their policy.
I would check with the daycare and see what they say. I'm seeing some warning flags here on the part of the daycare to follow what is in the court order and the mom being the primary caregiver-I know what she may be doing, or not doing, about the meds is irresponsible, but I do not think a daycare provider would jeapodize any legal action by administering meds that the mom did not agree to-
the child is the one that is suffering, and that is really sad.
I am not a lawyer, just have tons of experience in the daycare field-
check first before taking any meds to the daycare-
Best wishes

 

[MamaChel]

As for her lawyer... She did withdrawl threw the judge. I did find out today that she did retain another, a lawyer that left the firm that her former lawyer was at.
As for bio mom being primary care giver, this was decided just because my husband pays child support to her. But the court has temporary custody of daughter. The judge did say that the daughter will continue to see her asthma Dr. This Dr. is the one prescribing the meds that need to be given to her. I know that the daycare does give meds to childrem there.
I guess I don't see why there isn't a red flag on the bio mom for neglect for not giving meds to her daughter.

 

[ellencee]

I see red flags everywhere--red medical alert flags flying all over the place!!

the original poster should seek an internet medical board, but due to litigation, you may not find one...

Talk with the primary doctor, the one you refer to as the asthma doctor, and find out what, if anything, varying compliance with treatment is doing to this child.

You may think you are helping by giving the medication when the child is with you and at daycare, when in fact, you could be causing more harm than good. Some medications are ordered every day, twice a day or so, in hopes that the patient will remember to take enough for it to be effective; some are ordered with specific need for the medication to reach a therapeutic level and stay there. Here today, gone tomorrow, back the day after, administration of medications is a dangerous thing to do.

I do not know what is triggering the asthma--cat hair and dander? dog hair and dander? cigarette smoke? carpet or carpet cleaners? perfume? milk? stress? pollen?

gather some more medical information and talk to the doctor about this inconsistent administration of medicine and find out what is causing this child to suffer from asthma. do it for the child as well as for the court. If inconsistent medication administration of the asthma medication and, or the antibiotic is a problem or potential problem for the child, get it in writing from the physician, pharmacist, package insert, PDR, something, and take it to court via 'your' attorney.

 

[CMSC]

First off, maybe I should have mentioned that I am a licensed day care provider in the posters state. SO , once again, if the child needs the meds and there is a doctors order then it will be administered. If the daycare refuses you have a lousy one.

I agree with Ellencee (as usual) there are warning signs everywhere! When I went to court against my ex he got supervised visitation because the ONLY time my son has an asthma attack is when the ex has him. The judge told my ex to go to the library and read up on asthma and the effects it has on a 3 year old. I also sent him a notice from my doctor that had statistics on how many children a year die from asthma attacks. I was told by my lawyer and the judge in court that if my child were to have an attack while at my ex's and he did not administer meds he would be charged with child endangerment.

 

[MamaChel]

We know what caused or led to her asthma. Her Bio mom smoked a lot during her pregnancy causing her to be born at a very low birth wieght at full term ( 3lbs)
Bio mom continued to smoke around her, in the car mostly. She would come to our house reeked of smoke. ( there are many studies that will prove that second hand smoke and smoking during pregnancy can cause asthma)
She is allergic to pet dander, cats and dogs-boarderline. Bio mom has a cat. We have outside dogs that we do not let her go around. We also have a hepa filter in the house to help her.
As for the medicine the DR. told us to give her the meds when she is with us. Little is better than none. She is not on an antibotic so inconsistincey isn't a harm. She is on an allergy medicine she takes every morning. This med we are pretty sure ( hopefully) her Bio mom gives her when she is with her.
If we have the daycare give her meds when she is there and with the time we have her, she will only miss maybe 4 treatments a month. Which is a lot better then if we don't have the daycare give her her meds.
We have numerous Doctor reports that we have given to our lawyer. It seems like we are in a dead lock because of Bio's lawyer situation. Also waiting for mediation. Bio mom has not returned mediators calls. It's a state law her I guess to first attempt mediation. Which my husband is fine with, he hopes to have this resolved. Bio mom has said in the past she was going to make this as difficult as possible for my husband. I guess she's doing it and not thinking how it's harming her own daughter.

 

[karma1]

Serious question pertaining to the daycare, Ryrysmom...

no slams please just looking for your input since you have a day care license-
what would you do in the situation that was mentioned above, or if the scenario happens this way-
dad shows up at your daycare and says to give child this medication-
mom shows up 5 minutes later and says, no, do not give this child the medication-
what would you do?
There might be another option here, if it's feasible-dad can drop by the daycare and give the meds himself-
I know of one instance where this worked for a child using insulin-the daycare would not admininster this-so, mom came by every day at a certain time and gave the shots herself-

 

[CMSC]

in home daycares are not required to give insulin shots. However, other daycares are suppose to have an RN or a director who is qualified to do so. Insulin is a touchy thing when it comes to daycares because it requires knowledge of how to administer a shot and most daycare workers don't know how to. If dad can do the treatment at daycare then, yes that would be best. How many times does she need the treatment?
If there is a doctors order then the doctors order stands over anything. The daycare can easily call the doctors office and say, "hey, mom says no, dad says yes, what should we do." The daycare should have sense enough to know that if there is a current doctors note then the child needs the meds! MOst daycares also will require a doctors note (if the child has been on the med for a while) saying it is okay to no longer administer. YOu can tell your daycare that you will get them a note from the doctor saying when they can stop. That way mom would have to get a note from that doctor to have daycare stop meds.

 

[tammy8]

Having asthma AND allergies myself for as long as I can rememember I feel so badly for your stepdaughter knowing the terror that can happen when you can't breathe. I also know the feelings of helplessness that you and your husband feel being a stepmom myself. But I can understand why the judge is not just looking at the medical reports of the 1st dr. You have 2 different drs with 2 different opinions. Maybe if you can speak with DR #2 and get a report on the importance of Sd's meds, a judge may look closer at this case. It seems that the judge may believe this is just a case of he said, she said. Good luck on getting your SD the medical treatment she deserves.

 

[MamaChel]

We have talked to the 2nd Dr. He told us that he was going to let the 1st take over her care. He said that is in the best interest of the child to only have one DR. We agree. He also said that the 1st Dr. he knows and went to Medical school with and is a very good asthma dr. He said if it was any other DR he would want to take over the care. But then after talking to Bio mom ( who knows what she said) he said that he would see her again if mom insisted.
Also 2nd Dr said that daughter very week may have a cough asthma. And that's all he said. No treatment, not nothing.
I feel he doesn't want to commit to anything due to the fact we are in a legal battle.
Both Dr's talked and we got a call from 1st Dr. saying she should be on all her asthma meds.