Step-father or half sibling?

[Eekamouse]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

Who would likely be awarded custody in the following situation:

There are 4 children, ranging in age from 9 to 16. Father died 5 years ago. Mother very recently got remarried. Mother diagnosed with a terminal illness right after remarriage. The 4 children have an older half sister from their deceased father who is in her late 30's. They know her very well and have had a relationship with her all their lives although not as much since mother remarried. Would the new step-father automatically get custody of the children upon the mother's death or would the older half sibling have a chance at getting custody of her siblings? Would the court or the mother get to decide who the children will be raised by?

 

[mistoffolees]

I have never dealt with such a situation, but the prevailing standard would be "what is in the best interests of the child?". Generally, that means as little disruption as possible - and there will certainly be less disruption in their lives if they stay where they are (with stepfather).

HOWEVER, what's really going to matter is what Mom does. Mom could appoint a legal guardian. Or stepdad could adopt the kids.

Who are you in this situation?

 

[Eekamouse]

The older half sister to them. The mother has known the new step-father for a year and they were married a month ago. She just found out she has a terminal illness this week. The children's mother and I did not talk much after my father died but started trying to rebuild a relationship about a year and a half ago for the children's sake. I don't know who she'll want to raise the kids but since I am their family by blood, I just wanted to know if I would have any standing with the court to petition for it if it was necessary. I don't know her new husband, only met him twice, but he's not related to them biologically so I wondered if that would matter to a judge. This may not even be an issue because she might decide she wants me to raise them anyway.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

Who would likely be awarded custody in the following situation:

There are 4 children, ranging in age from 9 to 16. Father died 5 years ago. Mother very recently got remarried. Mother diagnosed with a terminal illness right after remarriage. The 4 children have an older half sister from their deceased father who is in her late 30's. They know her very well and have had a relationship with her all their lives although not as much since mother remarried. Would the new step-father automatically get custody of the children upon the mother's death or would the older half sibling have a chance at getting custody of her siblings? Would the court or the mother get to decide who the children will be raised by?

The courts would ultimately decide. The new stepfather would absolutely not automatically get custody even if the mother gave him a standby guardianship. All of the children's relatives could/would weigh in on the issue, particularly grandparents...but older siblings would factor in as well.

The children's wishes would also factor into the situation.

In all reality this is a situation where the children's wishes should absolutely factor into whatever decision gets made.

 

[ecmst12]

However if stepdad wants to adopt and they have the time and money for the lawyer to file the papers, there is no one who can legally oppose it since dad is not around. And in that case, stepdad would become legal dad and WOULD automatically get custody.

Your best bet is to work on making peace with your mom and getting to know her husband and forming a good relationship with him, so you can continue to be in the lives of your siblings without putting them in the middle of a custody battle.

 

[Eekamouse]

She's not my mother. She's only a couple of years older than me. She was my father's second wife. There are no grandparents that could take the children. The paternal grandparents are both long dead and she never knew her own father and stopped talking to her own mother 15 years or so ago when her mother sued her over a car. Is it expensive to go through the process of adoption because they definitely don't have any money for that as far as I know. This horrible economy has made times very tough for all I guess. Her husband has a job but she's been unemployed for almost a year now. I give her money for the kids all the time so they don't have to go without things for school. I want what's best for my siblings. If that means they stay with this new step-father, then that's what I'll have to accept. I'm hoping their mom will decide they should be with me, though. She knows how much I love them and they love me. I wish there was something that could be done to cure her of this illness so all of this could be a moot point but there's nothing. The whole situation is just very sad. Thank you for your responses. I appreciate it.

 

[nextwife]

Does stepdad even WANT custody?

 

[Eekamouse]

You know, that's a good question and not one I'd even thought about. I don't know that he does want custody. I guess I just assumed he would.

 

[Silverplum]

Hi, EEK!!

 

[Eekamouse]

My siblings mother called me this morning and asked me to come over this afternoon to talk to her about the kids. Depending on what she wants to talk to me about, I may take the opportunity to let her know that I would welcome her children into my home and raise them. She knows I love my sisters and brothers with all my heart and she's often said she appreciates the love I have for them. I don't want them to lose their mother but since it's going to happen, I don't want them to feel completely orphaned. I will still be there for them regardless of where they wind up living. They're going to need their family more now than ever before. I feel so bad for them. Poor kids.

 

[nextwife]

You know, that's a good question and not one I'd even thought about. I don't know that he does want custody. I guess I just assumed he would.

He may be very relieved if some family member steps up and asks for custody. These are kids of a fairly recent bride, not his, and he may not want single parent responsibility for them.

Before worrying about the legalities of who CAN, wouldn't it make more sense to actually have a talk with him and see what he even WANTS to do, or would agree to do?? All this discussion coul be much ado about nothing if stepdad really has no wish to retain custody by himself, without their mom.