Step-Mother from HELL & going slong with it!!

[wnbama]

I live in ALABAMA, I am having issues with my sons dad. We were never married. Him and his new wife has been harrassing me for almost a year. I have filed harrassment reports with the police. They contiune to turn me into DHR (child potection services in Alabama) accusing me of abuse. Everytime they get "unfounded and/or not indicated" they try it again. They are keeping my life in turnoil. They do not realize that the only person this is hurting is my son. I am now in the process of trying to get a restrainting order against them. Its not that I don't want my son to see his father, it's that I am tired of the harrassment and verbal abuse from both of them. I tried to get a restraining order filed against the step-mother but here in Alabama you can't do that unless you have had "relations" with the person. I jsut want them to stop harrassing me and my son. THe step-mother's 14yr old daughter is telling my 6yrs old about "cutting" and that if he doesn't get fat then he will grew up to "cut" and wear all black and dream of dying, and killing himself. This is a 6yr old that knows nothing about these issues of life and does not need to either. THey are telling he does not need to eat my food because it will not make him strong and big, he only needs to eat hamburgers and hot dogs at there house. I mean this is ridiculious. It's like they will stop at nothing. They have got my son kicked out of school, we have had to move. They drive by my work all the time, supposely took pictures of cars at my house, call asking my son who is here and who have I have talking to to and where we have been. There people are like a volacno about to explose, so what happens when I go to my truck and it blows up? SO, to go on and on, I'm a little hyper at this point, my son is not sleeping becuase he thinks "the men with the knifes are going to get us and kill us for not eating right" So, therefore I"m getting no sleep! If anyone has any advise, it would be great!!
Thanks!

 

[majomom1]

I live in ALABAMA, I am having issues with my sons dad. We were never married. Him and his new wife has been harrassing me for almost a year. I have filed harrassment reports with the police. They contiune to turn me into DHR (child potection services in Alabama) accusing me of abuse. Everytime they get "unfounded and/or not indicated" they try it again. They are keeping my life in turnoil. They do not realize that the only person this is hurting is my son. I am now in the process of trying to get a restrainting order against them. Its not that I don't want my son to see his father, it's that I am tired of the harrassment and verbal abuse from both of them. I tried to get a restraining order filed against the step-mother but here in Alabama you can't do that unless you have had "relations" with the person. I jsut want them to stop harrassing me and my son. THe step-mother's 14yr old daughter is telling my 6yrs old about "cutting" and that if he doesn't get fat then he will grew up to "cut" and wear all black and dream of dying, and killing himself. This is a 6yr old that knows nothing about these issues of life and does not need to either. THey are telling he does not need to eat my food because it will not make him strong and big, he only needs to eat hamburgers and hot dogs at there house. I mean this is ridiculious. It's like they will stop at nothing. They have got my son kicked out of school, we have had to move. They drive by my work all the time, supposely took pictures of cars at my house, call asking my son who is here and who have I have talking to to and where we have been. There people are like a volacno about to explose, so what happens when I go to my truck and it blows up? SO, to go on and on, I'm a little hyper at this point, my son is not sleeping becuase he thinks "the men with the knifes are going to get us and kill us for not eating right" So, therefore I"m getting no sleep! If anyone has any advise, it would be great!!
Thanks!

Do you have a court order establishing paternity, child support and a parenting plan?

 

[wnbama]

I have court ordered child support, no visitation order, he sign paternity paperwork at the hospital stating he was the father. I have had to take him back to court in 2006 b/che was $12,000 behind in support. He refused to pay, he went to jail, after the Judge gave him an extra 3 months to atleast make an effort. It took him $2300 to get out of jail, then he got a lawyer and we settle on $473 for current and $225 for arrears...I started getting this in Jan 2007...of course with a withholding order and I get his income tax.. He is still $ almost $8000 behind but atleast I'm getting it now. Then my problems started with the verbal abuse, cussing , screaming, yelling at me on the soccer field in front of all my sons teammates ther parents and has gone on from there....I have even went the route of using certified letters, that way I sis not have to speak to them at all and they could reutrn via mail as well. I told them if they wanted instead of spending money on stamps, I would be willing to do all commuication via email. Nope, they would rather call and cuss me. They have NO COURT of any kind other than child support. They turned me into DHR in 2 diff counties, both false reports, I'm afraid of what is going to happen next.

 

[Ohiogal]

I have court ordered child support, no visitation order, he sign paternity paperwork at the hospital stating he was the father. I have had to take him back to court in 2006 b/che was $12,000 behind in support. He refused to pay, he went to jail, after the Judge gave him an extra 3 months to atleast make an effort. It took him $2300 to get out of jail, then he got a lawyer and we settle on $473 for current and $225 for arrears...I started getting this in Jan 2007...of course with a withholding order and I get his income tax.. He is still $ almost $8000 behind but atleast I'm getting it now. Then my problems started with the verbal abuse, cussing , screaming, yelling at me on the soccer field in front of all my sons teammates ther parents and has gone on from there....I have even went the route of using certified letters, that way I sis not have to speak to them at all and they could reutrn via mail as well. I told them if they wanted instead of spending money on stamps, I would be willing to do all commuication via email. Nope, they would rather call and cuss me. They have NO COURT of any kind other than child support. They turned me into DHR in 2 diff counties, both false reports, I'm afraid of what is going to happen next.

So why have you allowed your son to visit without a court order. Go to court and get a visitation order that places limits on stepmom> But quite frankly most of what you are complaining about is parenting differences. If they are the ones making false reports to DHR eventually DHR will prosecute them. But you cannot know that they are the ones who turned you in unless someone violated confidentiality and told you OR they bragged about it.

 

[escape2paradise]

At the very least you should get your son into counseling.

I can't advise on restraining orders in AL, however, I find it highly unusual that they don't have different types of orders. There should be some kind of anti-harrasment order that would cover you. I would contact the courthouse and ask how you go about obtaining a restraining order. I know here the family law facilitator can guide one through the process. It's likely they have some kind of similar help in AL.

Edited to say:

I should have read your next post before posting. It's not so smart to have visitation without a court order. BTDT. Dad could keep your son and you would have to take him to court to get your son back. The police won't do a thing. Dad wouldn't even be in trouble and you would have to either come up with a hefty retainer fee overnight or try to maneuver the return of your son on your own in court. Get an order, it will protect both you and dad.

 

[wnbama]

So why have you allowed your son to visit without a court order. Go to court and get a visitation order that places limits on stepmom> But quite frankly most of what you are complaining about is parenting differences. If they are the ones making false reports to DHR eventually DHR will prosecute them. But you cannot know that they are the ones who turned you in unless someone violated confidentiality and told you OR they bragged about it.

I had allowed my son to see his Dad becuase back in 2002 we sign a "agreement" on visitation, not that he has followed up but I have for the most part. It's not a court order, it's just a notizried paper but it has worked up till this point. I used the "standard visitation" every other weekend, put holidays, Bday's etc in it.

They told me they was going to and when the DHR told me what the report said, it was word for word what they said they was going to do, on the first one and on the second one the caseworker said she had spoke to the step-mother. The second one she step-mother called me at @2:34pm telling me she was calling DHR and DHR was at my house @ 5:50 to take my son, however, I was having supper with my parents. She demanded I bring my son in to turn him into them. I told her when she got a court order I would be more then happy to do that, she said it was reported that my X husband was there destorying my sons toys and beating us up, I had to laugh, I said my X is in Jail and has been for a while. I told her to please call the county jail and she would find him, there was no way he could be in 2 places at once. She confirmed it and asked me to see my son the next day. I brought him in the next day, she interviewed my son and he told her the same as I did. My son told the worker that he had told his daddy that nothing has been happening and she asked him why his daddy thought that, my son said because he thinks anybody mommy talks to is bad.

The only thing I want is for them to stop filing false reports to DHR and to stop calling and cussing me. They can have visitation, as long as THEY PAY FOR IT! I have spent $1500 fighting their false reports in Nov. 2007. DHR told them to get a lawyer, I have told them to get one, my lawyer told them the same. THey just keep on and on, they call me while I'm at work, drive by it, take pictures..it's almost like they are stalking me.


Agree with the my son needs counseling, I have spoke to the doctor about it but I do not have th efunds to do it at $100 and hour, insuracne will not cover it.

They no longer call them restraining orders in Alabama, it's called a PFA (Proctection of Abuse) I went to the courthouse on Friday to file on. They told me I can only file a PFA against someone that I had "relations" (sex) I can assure you I have NEVER has relations with the step-mother..LOL I can file it against the father if he injured me or threaten to injure me, so I filled out the pwperwork and hope to get in front of a judge. Not sure if it will get thrown out or not. The only thing I can find on harrassment is that I can have her arrested, I went to have that done and they advise for me not to do it because she works for the Post Office and she would lose her job. Not sure if that is true or not. But I don't want her to lose her job, I just want them to leave me alone.

 

[escape2paradise]

I had allowed my son to see his Dad becuase back in 2002 we sign a "agreement" on visitation, not that he has followed up but I have for the most part. It's not a court order, it's just a notizried paper but it has worked up till this point. I used the "standard visitation" every other weekend, put holidays, Bday's etc in it.

They told me they was going to and when the DHR told me what the report said, it was word for word what they said they was going to do, on the first one and on the second one the caseworker said she had spoke to the step-mother. The second one she step-mother called me at @2:34pm telling me she was calling DHR and DHR was at my house @ 5:50 to take my son, however, I was having supper with my parents. She demanded I bring my son in to turn him into them. I told her when she got a court order I would be more then happy to do that, she said it was reported that my X husband was there destorying my sons toys and beating us up, I had to laugh, I said my X is in Jail and has been for a while. I told her to please call the county jail and she would find him, there was no way he could be in 2 places at once. She confirmed it and asked me to see my son the next day. I brought him in the next day, she interviewed my son and he told her the same as I did. My son told the worker that he had told his daddy that nothing has been happening and she asked him why his daddy thought that, my son said because he thinks anybody mommy talks to is bad.

The only thing I want is for them to stop filing false reports to DHR and to stop calling and cussing me. They can have visitation, as long as THEY PAY FOR IT! I have spent $1500 fighting their false reports in Nov. 2007. DHR told them to get a lawyer, I have told them to get one, my lawyer told them the same. THey just keep on and on, they call me while I'm at work, drive by it, take pictures..it's almost like they are stalking me.


Agree with the my son needs counseling, I have spoke to the doctor about it but I do not have th efunds to do it at $100 and hour, insuracne will not cover it.

They no longer call them restraining orders in Alabama, it's called a PFA (Proctection of Abuse) I went to the courthouse on Friday to file on. They told me I can only file a PFA against someone that I had "relations" (sex) I can assure you I have NEVER has relations with the step-mother..LOL I can file it against the father if he injured me or threaten to injure me, so I filled out the pwperwork and hope to get in front of a judge. Not sure if it will get thrown out or not. The only thing I can find on harrassment is that I can have her arrested, I went to have that done and they advise for me not to do it because she works for the Post Office and she would lose her job. Not sure if that is true or not. But I don't want her to lose her job, I just want them to leave me alone.

There are many places that will do counseling on a sliding fee scale. Get your yellow pages and start calling. For example, in WA we have Catholic Community Services. They do counseling for as little as $20 per session. You don't have to be Catholic to utilize there services.

The written agreement you have is worthless legally. You need to have an agreement and have it signed by a judge for it to have any force legally. Again your X can choose to keep your son at anytime and you would have to go to court to try and get him back. If you have an attorney as you mentioned, I am floored that you have not been advised to get a proper order in place.

 

[wnbama]

There are many places that will do counseling on a sliding fee scale. Get your yellow pages and start calling. For example, in WA we have Catholic Community Services. They do counseling for as little as $20 per session. You don't have to be Catholic to utilize there services.


The written agreement you have is worthless legally. You need to have an agreement and have it signed by a judge for it to have any force legally. Again your X can choose to keep your son at anytime and you would have to go to court to try and get him back. If you have an attorney as you mentioned, I am floored that you have not been advised to get a proper order in place.

Thanks for the advise on the sliding scale, I wil check it out.

My lawyer actually told me to force him to take us to court. That way I would not have to pay for it. He told me I did not have to legally let him see his son I as served with papers and they was signed by a judge. SO, this weekend I didn't even answer the phone when the daddy called for his visitation. He proceeded to call every 5 minutes all night Friday night and all Saturday, he finally gave up late Sat.

 

[escape2paradise]

Thanks for the advise on the sliding scale, I wil check it out.

My lawyer actually told me to force him to take us to court. That way I would not have to pay for it. He told me I did not have to legally let him see his son I as served with papers and they was signed by a judge. SO, this weekend I didn't even answer the phone when the daddy called for his visitation. He proceeded to call every 5 minutes all night Friday night and all Saturday, he finally gave up late Sat.

Waiting for him might save you a filing fee, however, you will still pay.

I too did not have a visitation order via the court and X and I had our own verbal agreements etc....I wish I would have gotten an order in place years ago. We never had problems until X remarried and then after 13 yrs he decided to start the action we are currently dealing with.

You are better off having a court order than not, simply because of what I stated before. The X can keep your son at anytime and the police will not assist his return. You would have to go to court and hope you can get a court date that isn't 2 + months out. Meanwhile you won't have your son. Think of how traumatic that would be for both your son and yourself.

 

[Ohiogal]

They can have visitation, as long as THEY PAY FOR IT!

Ummm no. There are MANY things wrong with this statement.

 

[wnbama]

Ummm no. There are MANY things wrong with this statement.

What I meant was going to court...paying for court fees for court ordered visitation. Why should I put out the money to give him his rights? HE is the one that didn't want to see his son at all until I took him to court for child support, then the Judge told him he needed to start seeing his son. I ALLOWED him to see his son. (Keep in mind it cost me only $25 to go to court for the child support) I am with you on not letting him go to his Dads anymore until there is a court order.

 

[Ohiogal]

What I meant was going to court...paying for court fees for court ordered visitation. Why should I put out the money to give him his rights? HE is the one that didn't want to see his son at all until I took him to court for child support, then the Judge told him he needed to start seeing his son. I ALLOWED him to see his son. (Keep in mind it cost me only $25 to go to court for the child support) I am with you on not letting him go to his Dads anymore until there is a court order.

That makes sense. Or how about this, you write up a proposal for visitation time (or just submit the county standard visitation plan) and ask the court to put that into practice. Then you have a court order which protects all parties and it doesn't necessarily cost an arm and a leg.

 

[wnbama]

That makes sense. Or how about this, you write up a proposal for visitation time (or just submit the county standard visitation plan) and ask the court to put that into practice. Then you have a court order which protects all parties and it doesn't necessarily cost an arm and a leg.

Can you really do that? If so I would have done that along time ago! I already have it typed up and ready to go, I've just been waiting on him to serve me papers.

 

[LdiJ]

Can you really do that? If so I would have done that along time ago! I already have it typed up and ready to go, I've just been waiting on him to serve me papers.

You would have to pay the filing fee to do so.

 

[wnbama]

You would have to pay the filing fee to do so.

Where I can get the paperwork to file this stuff and where to find out how much the filing fee would be?

Also, I live in St. Clair, COunty, he lives in Jefferson County, our child support is in Jefferson beacuse I lives there when it got started and I left it there. So, which county do I file it in?