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step parent obligation

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cjjeffery

Junior Member
What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? California.
As a step parent, can I refuse to allow my 17 year old step son to return to the home that his father and sister and I share. I own the home as my sole and separate property and we have all lived there for the past 2 years. For the past year step son has been extremely disruptive and he recently decided to go live with his mother in Massachusetts. Child support and residence were legally changed. He already wishes to return. His mother is EXTREMELY litigious, and I wonder if I can be ordered by the court to allow his return into my home while married to his father. He is just starting his junior year in high school in MA.
 


cjjeffery

Junior Member
bleulaluna said:
What does Dad think? Are you prepared to make him chose between you and his child? In Dad's place, the choice for me would be easy.
I don't think anyone's choices are easy when they involve stepchildren. Dad and I have raised his children for the last 11 years. Dad, of course is torn, but agrees that for the preservation of our family (and sanity)certain agreements with his son would need to be met if his son were to return. He is in the good care of his mother, and made the choice himself to go, and we all went through a huge legal and emotional hoop to get him there. Since he is 17, I believe it would be a good life experience to have to live with his choice for at least a year. Thanks for your reply and input
 
T

titansfan

Guest
his son comes first

dad's first responsibilty is to his son-if he has vistation, you cant stop him from having his son, it doesnt matter if its your house, this is HIS son. shame on you for making him choose.
 

CJane

Senior Member
titansfan said:
dad's first responsibilty is to his son-if he has vistation, you cant stop him from having his son, it doesnt matter if its your house, this is HIS son. shame on you for making him choose.

Since she has no legal rights to the child, can't we also assume that she has no legal responsibility? If she owns the home and the kid is a little sh*t who can't stand by a decision for a single year, then why on earth SHOULD she let him move back in and disrupt everyone's lives?
 

brisgirl825

Senior Member
I don't think that dad should facilitate that kind of behavior, however ultimately it is dad's decision, not SM's. That's his legal residence whether his name is on the deed or not.

Obviously SM and dad are having a disagreement and something needs to be done.
 

kat1963

Senior Member
Custody can NOT be forced. All Dad has to say is NO. It’s in the interest of self preservation. The kid is fine living with Mom, Mom wanted custody of kid now they are just going to have to work it out between them. He’s not living in box under a bridge for heaven’s sake.
KAT
 

djohnson

Senior Member
titansfan- get a life and stop spouting off stupid things


OP-If mother has custody now, dad does not have to change that, it is dad's choice. If you and dad disagree then you have larger problems than this. This teens sister is still in your home and you have to protect her and the rest of your family. In your shoes, I would probably not be willing to take him back either if he was that much trouble. It's high time he learn to start acting responsibly. If not as soon as he doesn't like your first rule, he's gonna want to be back with mom, etc etc.... It'll be a tennis match as long as the parents let it go on. And teach him nothing except how to use people to his advantage. I say he needs to learn a lesson.
 

Zephyr

Senior Member
I say he needs to learn a lesson.


and 17 really is a good age to learn this type of lesson

I would not have him back either, unless he were in some sort of danger at mom's
 

cjjeffery

Junior Member
Thanks djohnson

djohnson said:
titansfan- get a life and stop spouting off stupid things

I appreciate all the replys, but especially those that take into consideration that these choices are never cut and dry. While Dad and I raised these children for 11 years (without much help from their deadbeat mother, I might add) the last year took a turn into hell. Stepson, at 17, turned our home upside down, then decided he didn't like the rules, so he wanted to live with his mother, which he never had lived with before. Stepdaughter did not want to go. She has not experienced the same problems. Son has been there less than two months, and to my knowledge has not yet experienced any run-ins with his mother. He has only said that he misses his friends, NOT that he has had any change of heart regarding his behavior or his father and I as parents. This is why I feel so strongly that I don't want him to return. Nothing has or will change without some kind of epiphany on his part. I do feel I am trying to protect the best interest of our home AND my stepdaughter. Also, I feel that it's about time the mother learned first hand what it's like to deal with a teenager instead of just "monday morning quarterbacking" from afar. I think they both need to learn something. As for me, I'm enjoying an otherwise joyful home. It is unfortunate that for my husband that his son's absent is bittersweet. Thanks for your input
 

brisgirl825

Senior Member
cjjeffery said:
djohnson said:
titansfan- get a life and stop spouting off stupid things

I appreciate all the replys, but especially those that take into consideration that these choices are never cut and dry. While Dad and I raised these children for 11 years (without much help from their deadbeat mother, I might add) the last year took a turn into hell. Stepson, at 17, turned our home upside down, then decided he didn't like the rules, so he wanted to live with his mother, which he never had lived with before. Stepdaughter did not want to go. She has not experienced the same problems. Son has been there less than two months, and to my knowledge has not yet experienced any run-ins with his mother. He has only said that he misses his friends, NOT that he has had any change of heart regarding his behavior or his father and I as parents. This is why I feel so strongly that I don't want him to return. Nothing has or will change without some kind of epiphany on his part. I do feel I am trying to protect the best interest of our home AND my stepdaughter. Also, I feel that it's about time the mother learned first hand what it's like to deal with a teenager instead of just "monday morning quarterbacking" from afar. I think they both need to learn something. As for me, I'm enjoying an otherwise joyful home. It is unfortunate that for my husband that his son's absent is bittersweet. Thanks for your input
I totally agree with your logic. He should be held accountable for his actions. However, it is dad's decision and as I said, you need to be talking this over with your husband.
How does he feel about your SS moving back? The fact that you came here to ask if you had the right to not allow him in the home makes me think that dad is considering letting him back. Is that correct?
 

cjjeffery

Junior Member
Oh yes, brisgirl825, Dad and I are talking! Luckily, we have a great relationship, but we are on opposite fences in this topic. His view is more emotional, naturally, mine more logical. We are trying to do what's best for everyone, but something keeps telling me that my SS needs to live with his decision for his ultimate higher learning. He generally walks through the world very selfishly and impulsively (big shock! He's 17!) and he needs to live with some consequenses. If he were in danger, or being neglected or abused, it would be a different story altogether, naturally.
 

brisgirl825

Senior Member
cjjeffery said:
Oh yes, brisgirl825, Dad and I are talking! Luckily, we have a great relationship, but we are on opposite fences in this topic. His view is more emotional, naturally, mine more logical. We are trying to do what's best for everyone, but something keeps telling me that my SS needs to live with his decision for his ultimate higher learning. He generally walks through the world very selfishly and impulsively (big shock! He's 17!) and he needs to live with some consequenses. If he were in danger, or being neglected or abused, it would be a different story altogether, naturally.
Well, good luck to you guys. I truely hope that you two can come to a resolution that works for everyone.
Perhaps some counseling would help. Objective, unbiased third parties can put things into perspective.
 

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