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stepfather retaining custody

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Rushia

Senior Member
NY Ok after reading several posts on the fact that you can't "will" away your children, I have a little twist on this. My X openly admits that if I were to die that he couldn't take care of our children, as he had one before we married and is creating more since we divorced, has no real living arrangements (lives with mom and girlfriend, none of them work), and can't pay any of the support ordered to the other mother or myself as he can't hold down a job. He agrees completely that the children should remain with my current husband. Is there any way that this could be arranged? And if so, what are the chances of the paternal grandparents fighting this arrangement?
 


aparent2

Member
Is the father willing to voluntarily give up his parental rights and is your current husband willing to adopt the child? If both are true and you take it to court, there is a chance.
 

casa

Senior Member
Does the bio. dad see the child(ren)?
I haven't ever heard of a step-parent getting custody if a bio. parent dies when there is another bio. parent in the picture.
 

Rushia

Senior Member
Dad does see the children. As often as he wishes actually (some weeks more, some less). The divorce decree states that I have sole legal custody and the father only has reasonable visitation. We keep things out of court other than that because we don't want to use the children against each other and we try to remain friendly for their sake. He knows that he doesn't have the means to care for them in the event of my death. He doesn't want to sign over his rights, and my husband would never try to adopt them unless the father dies. The father and I would just like my husband to retain residental custody if I were to die. Dad still wants his visitation. He just doesn't want them full time.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
If Dad didn't want to take custody and was comfortable with the situation, and no other "more fit" person contested it - it likely wouldn't be an issue. The problem comes in when one parent decides the other isn't fit and decides to bypass the bioparent's rights.
 

Rushia

Senior Member
stealth2 said:
If Dad didn't want to take custody and was comfortable with the situation, and no other "more fit" person contested it - it likely wouldn't be an issue. The problem comes in when one parent decides the other isn't fit and decides to bypass the bioparent's rights.
Therin lies the problem. You may have read my other post in the grandparents rights section last month (nothing has come of it so far, incase anyone is curious), the paternal grandfather and his wife would have a fit and try to gain custody. While I was living with them, they went so far as to try to make me let them be legal guardians, sign away my rights to them, etc. They would drag my husband and my X through court and none of the parents (myself, dad, and steps) want them to have custody.
 

BelizeBreeze

Senior Member
O.K. it's time to put a little reality into this thread.

The ONLY way step pappy is going to get custody is if no blood relative (and that includes BOTH sets of grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, first-cousins twice remove...etc) do not step up to the plate.

THEN, and only then, can step pappy file for custody just as any other 'legal stranger' even me or the wino down on the corner. And the exact same conditions will apply to step pappy as the wino, they will be evaluated by Child services and the court and THEN a final disposition will be handed down.

This man is at present a legal stranger with no rights to the child PERIOD!
 

Shay-Pari'e

Senior Member
(QUOTE)The ONLY way step pappy is going to get custody is if no blood relative (and that includes BOTH sets of grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, first-cousins twice remove...etc) do not step up to the plate.

THEN, and only then, can step pappy file for custody just as any other 'legal stranger' even me or the wino down on the corner. And the exact same conditions will apply to step pappy as the wino, they will be evaluated by Child services and the court and THEN a final disposition will be handed down.

This man is at present a legal stranger with no rights to the child PERIOD!(QUOTE)
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
BelizeBreeze said:
THEN, and only then, can step pappy file for custody
BB - stepdad can FILE regardless of who steps up to the plate. All those other folks would have a greater chance of custody, however. And since it WOULD be up to a judge, Dad's wishes (in the event of Mom's death) may have some sway. It's not quite as black and white as you'd like it to appear.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
stealth2 said:
BB - stepdad can FILE regardless of who steps up to the plate. All those other folks would have a greater chance of custody, however. And since it WOULD be up to a judge, Dad's wishes (in the event of Mom's death) may have some sway. It's not quite as black and white as you'd like it to appear.
I agree. Plus, the father could officially have custody of his child but allow his child to live with the stepparent. Sure, a blood relative could challenge that, but as per Troxel, Dad's determination of his child's best interest should definitely have "special weight".
 

Rushia

Senior Member
This is what we're all kind of hoping, as none of the other relatives have an issue with my husband keeping the children and would gladly help him in any way they could. It's just the grandfather and his wfe that we're all worried about.
 

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