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Stepparent involvment and custody question

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What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? FL and WI

I have had other post on other issues, can I start a new question here? If so, here it goes....

I continually receive harrassing emails from my ex's wife concerning the children, telling me that Im a horrible mom and Im white Trash, etc. I have asked her to stop and let the issues concerning the children stay between father and I. She says, he doesn't want to speak to me, that he can't stand me. So, do I have to consult with his wife concerning our children? I put a block on her emails and she generates new emails to keep sending emails to me. I try calling my ex husband and he just keeps yelling at me and hangs up on me. I have recorded our phone calls, but know that I can not use it in court, however, it helps for me to document our conversations....I hear document document document everything.

Also, ex is telling me that he is taking me to court and going for it all (as he calls it), custody of both kids, tax exemptions, me pay him child support, and interest on money I owe him. The only issue he has on me and it isn't thru the courts is I owe him 1/2 of medical bills not covered in insurance and we had a signed agreement I would pay him x amount of dollars every month. My current husband was laid off for a year (just got another job) and money was tight. I have not denied to him that I owe him money and that I will pay him as I can. So, he feels because I don't pay him, he can take custody of our daughter and all things stated above. I can't afford a lawyer, but he will have one. Does he have to prove me unfit to get custody? I have always wanted what is best for the children, this isn't there fault, but he tends to put them in the middle of everything, kindof dangling them if you will.
 


ecmst12

Senior Member
A change in custody requires a change of circumstances in the childrens' lives. Nothing to do with money owed or not owed or anything else.

But if he has a lawyer, you need to either get one, or start studying the rules of civil procedures in your state so you can represent yourself.

You do NOT have to correspond with stepmom at all. And if he does take you to court, you can ask the judge to require dad to contact you himself and not make his wife the go-between. Keep blocking her emails and ignoriing any ones that get through.
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? FL and WI

I have had other post on other issues, can I start a new question here? If so, here it goes....

I continually receive harrassing emails from my ex's wife concerning the children, telling me that Im a horrible mom and Im white Trash, etc. I have asked her to stop and let the issues concerning the children stay between father and I. She says, he doesn't want to speak to me, that he can't stand me. So, do I have to consult with his wife concerning our children? I put a block on her emails and she generates new emails to keep sending emails to me. I try calling my ex husband and he just keeps yelling at me and hangs up on me. I have recorded our phone calls, but know that I can not use it in court, however, it helps for me to document our conversations....I hear document document document everything.
Tell your husband that you will NOT be speaking with his wife about HIS children. Keep your emails to HIM very polite, short, to the point and let him respond.

Also, ex is telling me that he is taking me to court and going for it all (as he calls it), custody of both kids, tax exemptions, me pay him child support, and interest on money I owe him. The only issue he has on me and it isn't thru the courts is I owe him 1/2 of medical bills not covered in insurance and we had a signed agreement I would pay him x amount of dollars every month. My current husband was laid off for a year (just got another job) and money was tight. I have not denied to him that I owe him money and that I will pay him as I can. So, he feels because I don't pay him, he can take custody of our daughter and all things stated above. I can't afford a lawyer, but he will have one. Does he have to prove me unfit to get custody? I have always wanted what is best for the children, this isn't there fault, but he tends to put them in the middle of everything, kindof dangling them if you will.
Let him take you to court - he's not going to get custody based on that, although yes you need to address the money issue, if only because if you're not upholding a court order you can be held in contempt.
 
I didn't include everything on the issue of the medical money owed to him, but in short.... I will take my daughter to the eye doctor, on my own, i don't ask him to pay, as they are my children and I should be responsible for them, and having him pay half isn't worth it, I guess im just a nice person...my fault I guess. Anyways, a month later daughter goes to visit her dad, he takes her to his eye doctor, even though I just took her. I go to a less expensive doctor, he takes her to an expensive doctor. He then sends me a bill for her eye doctor appt. Also, the papers state that anything over $50.00 is to be agreed upon. He never notifies me when he is taking her to any appointment, always after the fact. I also told him I would take her to the dentist, but had to wait for my check, she then went to visit shortly after that for a 3 day weekend and he took her to the dentist and again, sent me a bill for 1/2. And, final, he takes her to get shots with out consulting me well before they are due and I can take her before school starts for free at a health clinic. Again, he sent me the bill to pay half. I feel, and this is jmo, that he purposely takes her to appointments cause he knows I can't afford the doctors he takes her to, that way he always has something on me. Am I correct that since the papers state anything over $50.00 is agreed between the two of us first, is grounds for me not to pay all that money? Also, they send me bills for his wife watching the children during the summer while he was at work, she writes her own receipts and gives them to him to collect from me. Me paying him monthly, is not part of the divorce agrement/custody agreement. I have not rushed into paying him, because I feel he didn't follow the papers as stated. I am sure I have to pay him something, but don't agree with how he is not communicating with me. Also, His insurance doesn't kick in until he meets "Family" deductibles. He is using our childrens appointments to clear that deductible so he and his wife don't have to pay that much out of pocket for his and hers medical needs. See a pattern here???
 

ecmst12

Senior Member
If he is supposed to get your agreement first, then I think you have a case for refusing to pay.
 

nemom3

Member
If your orders say that the parents have to agree on any bills over $50 and he has not done so you have a very good case for not being responsible for any of those bills. It would be worth the fight just to make sure Dad understands that he must discuss this with you if he wishes you to pay 1/2.

Step-mom can charge dad for babysitting all she wants while the children are with Dad - those bills are not your responsibility either! Unless your papers mention that you are responsible for a portion of the daycare costs during visitation? I would not necessarily block step moms emails though I would save them in a junk folder to make sure you have lots of examples of exactly what your children are being exposed to when staying with Dad. Further down the road they could be very important in showing just how far she is overstepping.

I would definately talk to a local lawyer and see if they could write a letter to Dad explaining exactly WHY you are not resonsible for the monies he claims you owe him and advising him that these supposed debts are not reason for a change in custody. I would also ask the lawyer to include a warning about overstepping step-parents and remind him of his responsibility to co-parent with MOM. Many lawyers are willing to write such letters and won't necessarily charge you the full retainer for doing so - they can actually be quite reasonable and also very effective.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
I didn't include everything on the issue of the medical money owed to him, but in short.... I will take my daughter to the eye doctor, on my own, i don't ask him to pay, as they are my children and I should be responsible for them, and having him pay half isn't worth it, I guess im just a nice person...my fault I guess. Anyways, a month later daughter goes to visit her dad, he takes her to his eye doctor, even though I just took her. I go to a less expensive doctor, he takes her to an expensive doctor. He then sends me a bill for her eye doctor appt. Also, the papers state that anything over $50.00 is to be agreed upon. He never notifies me when he is taking her to any appointment, always after the fact. I also told him I would take her to the dentist, but had to wait for my check, she then went to visit shortly after that for a 3 day weekend and he took her to the dentist and again, sent me a bill for 1/2. And, final, he takes her to get shots with out consulting me well before they are due and I can take her before school starts for free at a health clinic. Again, he sent me the bill to pay half. I feel, and this is jmo, that he purposely takes her to appointments cause he knows I can't afford the doctors he takes her to, that way he always has something on me. Am I correct that since the papers state anything over $50.00 is agreed between the two of us first, is grounds for me not to pay all that money? Also, they send me bills for his wife watching the children during the summer while he was at work, she writes her own receipts and gives them to him to collect from me. Me paying him monthly, is not part of the divorce agrement/custody agreement. I have not rushed into paying him, because I feel he didn't follow the papers as stated. I am sure I have to pay him something, but don't agree with how he is not communicating with me. Also, His insurance doesn't kick in until he meets "Family" deductibles. He is using our childrens appointments to clear that deductible so he and his wife don't have to pay that much out of pocket for his and hers medical needs. See a pattern here???
I would absolutely LOVE to be in the courtroom when he tries to have you held in contempt for not paying 1/2 of the bills his wife is issuing for watching the children during his visitation. I would love to watch the judge rip him a new one for that.

I would also love the be in the courtroom when he tries to have you held in contempt for not paying 1/2 of the medical bills he incurs duplicating what you have already done.

Get records of anything that you paid where he didn't contribute his 1/2, and send them to him with a demand for payment. Also get the records proving that you took the children to the eye doctor etc., weeks before he did the same.
 

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