Stolen property, hassled by thief - how do I protect myself?

[TrillianToo]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

I need some advice for a theft and ongoing series of calls and texts from the thief.

Trying to be short: this person is very agressive about demanding payment for "services rendered" (even when her client says "No, I do not want to talk to you, no, I do not want to pay you for this"). Numerous times with me (or other people) we've gotten into arguments about what we supposedly owe because she wants to charge us for visits and conversations we said we don't want. I completely stopped working with her because it was such a hassle. I know I don't owe her a dime.

She believes I owe her about $400 and then when she was a guest at my friend's house (where I am staying as a guest) she decided she would steal 20 of my DVDs. She's texting me about it nearly every day, she won't discuss it or negotiate about it with me, she keeps hanging up on me, and now said she would "loan" my DVDs to her friends.

At that point, I filed a police report. The police even talked with her and said she has to return my property and if she has a payment dispute she should take me to small claims court.

Today she texted me that she will loan out my DVDs to her friends since I didn't respond to her.

Honestly, I really don't care about the DVDs anymore. Yes, I would like them back, but it's just not worth my time to have to engage with her over this. It's petty and silly. But at the same time I want to protect myself since as it is, neither one of us believed she was capable of doing something like this which means I have no idea where she will take this.

At this point I want her to leave me entirely alone - but I also want to protect myself.

So here are my current questions:

1) Is not responding to her at all unless/until she is ready to give me back my DVDs the right thing to do?

Since she said that since she didn't hear from me she is assuming it is OK (this is after the conversation with the police where he discussed "extortion", "theft/intent to deprive", that she should return my "property" and the proper legal action is to take me to small claims court, which is separate from the returning of my property).

I want to make sure that by not responding I am not giving up my rights or undermining anything that might happen as this seems to be escalating.

2) Is there anything else I should do, could do, in order to protect myself? Again, I'm not intent on agressively pursuing this, I'm simply interested in protecting myself and my rights.

3) Is there anything I can do to get her to stop and leave me alone, or do I just need to be the "bigger person" and let her text away until she tires of it?



4) While I'm on here I figured I'd ask this - if someone asks me what I think of working with her, I want to say that she is brilliant at what she does, but know that you will be charged for every conversation on any topic whether you want to talk to her/meet with her or not, and that she may steal from you so you might want to meet her in public or at her house.

Will I be opening myself up by saying this? It has not been pleasant to go through this with her, and I know had I known she was capable of this I would have liked someone to tell me so I'd never have even talked to her in the first place.


Thanks ever so much!

 

[CdwJava]

At that point, I filed a police report. The police even talked with her and said she has to return my property and if she has a payment dispute she should take me to small claims court.

If she has not returned your property, let the police know and let the system act as it will. if you do not want anything done, then just do not tell the police and let it go.

1) Is not responding to her at all unless/until she is ready to give me back my DVDs the right thing to do?

We can't say whether it is the "right" thing to do, but it is certainly a viable option. I doubt she is going to take you to small claims court for $400 if she has 20 CDs that she stole ... that's not going to be good for her.

I want to make sure that by not responding I am not giving up my rights or undermining anything that might happen as this seems to be escalating.

You do not have to talk to her. If you receive court papers that require a response THEN you need to respond. Until then, you may just want to reply with the mantra of "Return my CDs or go to jail," or some such thing. if you don't care about the CDs then just ignore her completely.

2) Is there anything else I should do, could do, in order to protect myself? Again, I'm not intent on agressively pursuing this, I'm simply interested in protecting myself and my rights.

Tell the police she is still in possession of your property and ask that charges be pursued for theft as you never agreed to give her the CDs for anything. You could also consider taking HER to Small Claims court for the CDs.

3) Is there anything I can do to get her to stop and leave me alone, or do I just need to be the "bigger person" and let her text away until she tires of it?

You can leave it be or you can seek a civil harassment order (aka a restraining order). Whether a judge will sign it or not is a coin toss, but it is one method to try and get her to leave you alone.

4) While I'm on here I figured I'd ask this - if someone asks me what I think of working with her, I want to say that she is brilliant at what she does, but know that you will be charged for every conversation on any topic whether you want to talk to her/meet with her or not, and that she may steal from you so you might want to meet her in public or at her house.

Say what you want, but be careful that you do not commit slander. Maybe you can suggest that prospective clients to get a contract IN WRITING that spells out charges, fees, and what constitutes billable time.

Or, just tell the person you would rather not talk about her. NOT saying anything might say more than mincing words, and it is not likely to land you in civil court.

 

[TrillianToo]

Thank you, that is very reassuring.

I will not respond to her at all unless it involves the police asking me questions or a legal situation.

That she will be unlikely to take me to court since she has my DVDs (and perhaps is giving them away tonight?) makes sense once you say it - my emotional reaction is definitely getting in the way of clear thinking.

I do not wish to take her to court as it's just not worth all the time involved and loss to my business. Besides, the officer who came informed me that the value of my DVDs would be whatever the "bluebook" value is so to speak - and that would definitely less than what it would cost me to replace them.

As far as what to say if people ask, what you suggest is excellent. I still want to somehow make it known that she might steal from them, if there is any way I can reasonably, "safely" do so, as it seems people have a right to know she might do this to them too. If she just had a "mental moment" I could forgive it, but that she keeps calling and texting tells me she didn't just impulsively do something she didn't think through.

I certainly would like to have known she was capable of this - there are a whole lot of things I would have done differently.

 

[TrillianToo]

This woman just texted me again that she showed her friend one of my DVDs and the friend wants to buy it. She wants a response from me about if it is OK, and how much do I want for it - and also again stating that she asked if it was OK to loan out my DVD and will assume it is OK if she doesn't hear from me. And that she will sell or loan more of my DVDs to her friend.

I know I shouldn't let this get to me, but I really want to say something to her, and I'm also tired of her wasting my time with this.

So ... I still should not respond to her, merely document everything? And by not responding I'm not giving up my rights (as I've already filed a police report)? Right?

 

[outonbail]

What do you want to do?
We can't decide what you want done. If you don't care about the CD's, ignore her or ask her to leave you alone. As Carl said, you can seek a court order keeping her from contacting you over the phone or in person.

If you don't want your CD's sold, send her a demand letter for the return of your property and inform her that if she does not return them you will take legal action. Then file a case in small claims court.

You should also keep any and all text messages as evidence if you plan on taking her to court.

Now what exactly are these "Services rendered"?
Is she a prostitute, a person you call on a telephone sex line or a therapist?

If the business she is charging you money for is illegal, she can not sue you for money owed in court.

Anyway, since I don't know all the details of this strange arrangement you are involved in, I can't really provide any insight or legal advice.

But it seems obvious that you need to separate yourself from this person for good! Even if she returns your CD's, put as much distance between you and her as possible and don't go back to this nonsense or request this woman's business services ever again!

and for crying out loud, don't offer to give her any references either,,,,,

 

[TrillianToo]

She does energy healing, which may sound strange but worked, but mostly she was someone I could talk to when I really needed someone to talk to.

Again, the thing is she calls up and wants to have a "conversation" but even when I keep saying "I can't pay you, I don't want a session, this is not a session" she then always insists that I owe her at the end of the call. It didn't take long before I decided it just wasn't worth it to talk to her - yes, she has a lot to offer and has been amazing, but to have to put up with hours of arguments and hard feelings over this to get there just isn't worth it.

I admit that in a moment of "crisis" a situation came up and I needed someone to talk it through with, and that was fine - but she insisted on follow up calls (which I said I didn't want) and charged me to even leave a "status update" on her phone where I required nothing of her whatsoever, I just left a message about how everything was fine now. She also has wanted to charge me a ludicrous amount to recoup these false charges - it seems even texting me requires at least $50 even though I haven't talked to her, don't want to talk to her, and her information doesn't benefit me at all. I could go on about this so much I don't want to say anything lest I leave a novel. If she didn’t get the $75 we agreed I owe her I am fine with sending it again – but the extra $300 is calls and texts I never wanted, and said I didn’t want.

I do recognize I can't control another person's behavior. In a nutshell here's honestly where I'm at:

1) I pity her because she is so poverty-mindset she feels she has to in a sense "force" people to have a session with her whether they like it or not, that she has to spend so much time feeling "victimized" by people who don't want to pay for services foisted on them.

2) The DVDs aren't worth it to me. Honestly, yes, I'm bleeping angry that she did this. This is where *my* problem comes into play because as she constantly texts me about how she took these DVDs (which, by the way, I need for my health as I'm recovering from an injury, and even if the bill is as she claimed (which is by far is not) it would cost more than that supposed bill for me to replace them – she thinks I owe her $375, but it will cost me over $600 to replace them).

My problem really is I'm having an emotional reaction to her "theft" (the notice she took my property), then extortion, then real actual theft (not doing what the police said she ought do plus now giving my DVDs to someone else), and the constant texting me.

3) Here's where I'm at - I can spend my time making money... or I can get caught up in this drama. Yes, I'm not happy at all she stole my property. It makes me feel very unsafe in this house with my roommates. It's making my relationship with my roommates difficult.

If she just took the DVDs and moved on I wouldn't care. Oh, sure, I'd be minorly upset, but I'd move on. That she keeps asking me about it, texting me about it, talking about selling my (stolen) property really bothers me. It upsets me, it distresses me.

That's where I get messed up - because I have a significant emotional response to her "pings" but I have to not let that (or her) control me.

4) So I want to walk that line between making sure I am protecting myself, and also trying to not get caught up in this situation. It’s pathetic, really, she may end up deported or homeless as a result of this, so it’s really stupid on her part. I can’t change her actions, I can’t force her to do anything, but I can’t seem to help my emotional reaction. And I want to legally protect myself.

5) Really, all I really, really want is for her to just stop pestering me, and I’ll just chalk up the stolen DVDs as a learning experience.