Summer Visitation

[Pandy]

Live in Texas, joint custody of a 7 year old. My son's father has taken our 7 year old out of state (Wisconsin) for summer visitation. I asked for phone numbers and contact information while they are away for the 30 day period of time. I was given numbers to the main office of the sites where they are camping. (In other words, in case of emergency, there is no number for me to contact them immediatly) I also asked that he have our son call me every two to three days to check in while they are out of state. (It's been 5 days now with no word) What can be done other than sit and wait? This is not the first time something like this has happened. Last year was another state, with his step-mother (father stayed here in Texas), and was left with her family in the other state for a week while she ran off to play. Are these grounds for modification?

 

[ajj]

Back to court, unfortunately

In my opinion, you'll have to take this up with the courts AGAIN. Look at me, my daughter was taken to another country (Portugal) without my knowledge, consent, etc. I don't have numbers, I don't even know if that's truly where she is. People who treat people the way you and I are being treated must/should be brought to task. Good luck!

 

[Pandy]

I feel like I am caught in the middle of two evils. I don't want to stop visitation and I don't want to interrupt their time. But, I think that I should (at the very least) be assured that our son is okay. I would love to talk to him everyday however, would settle with just hearing from him every few days. Is it too much to ask that a mother's fears be put to rest?

As for your daughters mother running to another country... there is NOTHING fair in that. I can only imagine your anguish.

 

[MySonsMom]

Live in Texas, joint custody of a 7 year old. My son's father has taken our 7 year old out of state (Wisconsin) for summer visitation. I asked for phone numbers and contact information while they are away for the 30 day period of time. I was given numbers to the main office of the sites where they are camping. (In other words, in case of emergency, there is no number for me to contact them immediatly) I also asked that he have our son call me every two to three days to check in while they are out of state. (It's been 5 days now with no word) What can be done other than sit and wait? This is not the first time something like this has happened. Last year was another state, with his step-mother (father stayed here in Texas), and was left with her family in the other state for a week while she ran off to play. Are these grounds for modification?

Maybe it's just me, but what is the big problem here? Your sons Father has visitation for 1 month out of the summer for him to do what he chooses with the child. He gave you numbers of the camp site, obviously that was the best he could do. If there is no court order that obligates the Father to call every 2 days, then he has no obligation to do so. And in my opinion, I think that us unreasonable for you to think that it should be done. He is taking his son camping for goodness sake, let them enjoy their time together. As long as the child is in no danger, and the Father returns the child on time; you should not expect any more than that.

I can understand you missing your child, and want to be updated on the status, but it's time to let go and allow the Father to have time with the child.

My suggestion, sit and wait. You'de probably be wasting your time if you took this in front of a judge. Your X has a right to his visitation, and has a right to do whatever he chooses with the child. Camping is great fun for children, I'm sure your child is fine and is having a wonderful time.

When the child is returned, you will have your time with the child. Would you think it would be reasonable for you to call the Father every 2 days while the child is with you? Or better yet, if you took the child on vacation with you; would you appreciated having to take time out of your vacation every 2 days and call the Father? I don't think so.

Good luck!

 

[Pandy]

That's the bad thing about these boards... you can read what is posted and unless I type a full synopsis of the situation - which could take PAGES, you only get a picture of what is going on at the moment.

There is a history of him being returned HOURS late from visitations. There is history of him being sent out of state to stay with people he does not know and are not biologically related to him - without his father being there. I have let his bio-father know that he can call and talk to our son on any day that he would like. Our son (even at the age of 7) throws HUGE fits about having to go to his fathers for any extended length of time. I have assured him that I will be here if he needs me and can call me - only to be told by him that his father will not allow him to call me unless I call first and leave a message.

His father had nothing to do with him for the first four years of his life - even with my pleading with him to do so. His visitation is set out as 1st, 3rd and 5th weekends of every month, every Wednesday from 6:00 to 8:00, alternating major holidays (including spring break) and 30 days of his choice of the summer.

There is NEVER a time during the year that I have 30 days of uninterrupted time with our son. I don't think that it's too much to ask for a phone call to let me know that he is doing well.

 

[Grandma B]

Orig posted by Pandy: "There is NEVER a time during the year that I have 30 days of uninterrupted time with our son. I don't think that it's too much to ask for a phone call to let me know that he is doing well."

Yes, as MSM said, it IS too much. This is HIS time, and it has nothing to do with whether he had anything to do with the child earlier.

Likewise, you may not have 30 days of uninterrupted time with your son during the year, but you DO have him all but alternating weekends and 2 hours one afternoon each week. You add up the cumulative amount of time each of you receives with your son, and guess what--YOU WIN!!

Let him enjoy his son and be glad he does spend time with him. And be very sure that your son's alleged attitude about extended visits with dad are not a reflection of your attitude.

 

[Rams84]

My boyfriend has a 9 year old son & he is able to get his son for a month in the summer, every other weekend, alternating holiday's & can visit during the week that he doesn't have weekend visitation. I understand that you would want your child to call during the month, but I know in our situation my boyfriend calls at least 3 or 4 times a week & the child isn't allowed to call him. He asks to call his dad & she says no, they're to busy. Now my boyfriend is thinking of putting a phone in the childs room so there isn't any reason why his son can't call. When the child comes for the month we give him access to the phone, anytime he wants to write or call his mom, he can. When she has the child she says if your dad wants to call he can call, it's the parents job to call. OK, then I wonder why doesn't she let the child return his father's calls. Everything with her is tied to money. She tells the child his dad is irresponsible & needs to pay her more money. Actually, she tells all 3 of her kids, which each has a different dad, the same thing.

I know from first hand experience, I have taken the child out of town without my boyfriend & I always have him call to let either his grandmother or mother know he's made it safely. He sends postcards home & we always give a number where we're staying (hotel or friends home). She never calls. She never says thank you. Most importantly, she doesn't do the same if she takes him out of town.

A lot of custodial parents want the non-custodial parents to abide by a lot of rules that they themselves are not willing to do & I often wonder why. I'm not saying that this is your case, I'm just putting it out there.

 

[Pandy]

Here, we run things a little differently. His father has my home phone, cell phone, work number as well as the numbers to my mother, brother and sister. I have stressed to him time and again that if he wants to talk to our son, he is more than welcome to call any of those numbers and if our son isn't there, I will have our son call him back just as soon as possible. (He never calls - but, the door is open to him to call at any time)

I would not ask for a courtesy that does not work both ways.

GrandmaB - there is no winner in these kinds of games. The looser is the children that get put in these situations.

 

[DaddyofChris]

Pandy,
Instead of getting so offended, take the advice that everyone has given you into consideration. I mean, you did come to this forum for some advice right? Don't take it to heart. Always think about what the Noncustodial parent is thinking. He may be having a great time with your son and it has slipped his mind to call. He is not focusing on what will make you happy right now, but is focusing on his son and his son only. That is what I did when my son was here. He was the focus. Not to be rude or anything but the last thing on us father's minds when we have our children is the child's mother. We miss out on a lot living in another state, talking on the phone or not. When we have our children (for the small amount of time if any) that we can have them then we are paying attention to every little detail about our children's personalities and daily lives that we have missed. Just calm down and maybe you will hear something soon.

 

[Pandy]

Okay, I took GrandmaB's advice... I added up the hours I had with our son and the amount of hours that he is with his father. Interesting results that looked NOTHING like what I thought they would look like.

Here is the scenario I used. My son wakes up at 7:30am (like clock work!!! *ugh*) and, bed time is 8:30pm. I get home from "fun filled office environment" at 6:00. (Have to work and child support does not EVEN come close to paying the bills... barely covers after school care)

He is with his father on the 1st, 3d and 5th weekends of every month, Wednesday evenings, alternating holidays and 30 days out of the summer.

He has a total of 2,386 hours to spend in one place or the other. He is away a total of 1,305 (or, 54.69% of the time) he is home a total of 1,081 hours (or, 45.31%) of the time.

Who won?

 

[Pandy]

DaddyofChris: I am not offended. I am taking everything said into careful consideration. I kinda thought these boards were for our issues and for a discussion thereof. I am really trying to be careful not to offend anyone.

Oh... a stat that I neglected to add... the MOST amount of days in a row that I have in any given year... is 7.

 

[Grandma B]

Redo the math

Orig posted by Pandy: "He has a total of 2,386 hours to spend in one place or the other. He is away a total of 1,305 (or, 54.69% of the time) he is home a total of 1,081 hours (or, 45.31%) of the time.

Who won?"


Dad has 30 days in summer and a total of 48 days for e/o weekend, plus 2 hours per week. That's 78 days +104 hours (which is slightly more than 4 days). Most years have a total of 365 days.

Don't use only hours you actually get to be in your son's presence because you have no idea how many hours dad is able to do so during his time. I'm sure he can't spend every waking hour with him during the 30 day visitation. And even though your son sleeps 11 hours per day and you are at work until 6 p.m., you have the comfort of knowing he's sleeping right down the hall and that you'll see him at the end of each of your days.

You have the child more than 280 days out of 365 each year, compared to a cumulative total of roughly 82 for dad. Let's be fair.