supervised

[penny4u]

What is the name of your state? OH.

I've been friends with a couple for a few years now. The woman got pregnant and they broke up half way through the pregnancy. The baby has now been born and dad has paternity established and they are in the middle of visitation rights. Both have asked that I supervise the visitation until the baby is older. Dad doesn't know how to care for a newborn and has no family here, and mom trusts me. They are only asking I do this for a few months until dad can get use to having her (the baby). They would like to include this in their court order. Apparently it's going to be for 2 hours 3 times a week for five months. Other than being there and helping dad out am I getting myself into something much deeper? I will for sure agree and follow any court order, but after that I'm at a loss. Is there anything I'm missing before I get myself involved? I have no clue how this works. Thanks.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? OH.

I've been friends with a couple for a few years now. The woman got pregnant and they broke up half way through the pregnancy. The baby has now been born and dad has paternity established and they are in the middle of visitation rights. Both have asked that I supervise the visitation until the baby is older. Dad doesn't know how to care for a newborn and has no family here, and mom trusts me. They are only asking I do this for a few months until dad can get use to having her (the baby). They would like to include this in their court order. Apparently it's going to be for 2 hours 3 times a week for five months. Other than being there and helping dad out am I getting myself into something much deeper? I will for sure agree and follow any court order, but after that I'm at a loss. Is there anything I'm missing before I get myself involved? I have no clue how this works. Thanks.

If they are both reasonable and good people you aren't getting yourself into anything deeper. Apparently they both trust you. However if things go sour between the two of them, or one or both of them end up with new significant others who throw spanners into the works, you could find yourself in the middle of chaos.

If you make it clear to both of them that you will not take "sides" and that you won't accept being embroiled in chaos, then it really might work.

 

[penny4u]

If they are both reasonable and good people you aren't getting yourself into anything deeper. Apparently they both trust you. However if things go sour between the two of them, or one or both of them end up with new significant others who throw spanners into the works, you could find yourself in the middle of chaos.

If you make it clear to both of them that you will not take "sides" and that you won't accept being embroiled in chaos, then it really might work.

As of now and the years that I've known them...they are very reasonable. However, I know how things get crazy when you throw legalities and a child in the mix. How do you think that that significant others could affect things? I would just be there to supervise for a few months so dad can get use to the newborn. As of now, both parents want to be involved in the child's life and both want me around for comfort levels. Mom...so she feels better and dad so he can learn what to do.

I've said to both of them that given what I've been through, I will follow a court order and beyond that it's up to them. They seem to have understood that; as they were on the listening side when I was going through my own.

If it's that simple, I'll agree.

 

[CJane]

Just a couple of things... 2 hours 3x/week for nearly half a year is a HUGE commitment. I would actually suggest that the parents maybe work towards 2 hours 3x/week for 2 months. Then maybe going to half days with you sort of 'on call' so you're not committed to being in the same location, but could come to dad's aid if necessary, and having that last for a month. Then, the 4th month, work towards dad having a full day with you helping at critical times like meals or naps or wherever he feels weakest. Finally graduating the 5th month to helping him with a few overnights.

It would be more difficult to work into an order, for sure. But a graduated plan is going to help dad have goals to reach and help him develop a comfort level with things he knows he's going to have to do on his own fairly quickly, but with you there as a safety net.

LdiJ posted the Indiana parenting time guidelines earlier today, you could easily adapt the theory that they use to what your friends are talking about.

 

[LdiJ]

As of now and the years that I've known them...they are very reasonable. However, I know how things get crazy when you throw legalities and a child in the mix. How do you think that that significant others could affect things? I would just be there to supervise for a few months so dad can get use to the newborn. As of now, both parents want to be involved in the child's life and both want me around for comfort levels. Mom...so she feels better and dad so he can learn what to do.

I've said to both of them that given what I've been through, I will follow a court order and beyond that it's up to them. They seem to have understood that; as they were on the listening side when I was going through my own.

If it's that simple, I'll agree.

Significant others often make a good coparenting relationship turn bad....for a myriad of reasons.

 

[CJane]

Significant others often make a good coparenting relationship turn bad....for a myriad of reasons.

Oh pshaw! They do NOT!