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What is the name of your state? NJ
Just a curiouse question, Iam well aware that support and visitiation are two different issues and you cannot with hold visitation for non support. Question how many of you on this site have deliquent NCP but they still proudly come for there vistation. How many of you have deliquent NCP and they cannot be bothered with any contact basically fell of the earth. Just kinda curious????????


Senior Member
I have a deadbeat, who was ordered to pay $50/month from March-July and $100/month from July-present and he has only paid, $78 total. He has reasonable supervised visitation and even when given the chance at no supervision he said no. He lives 2 blocks away and my children haven't seen him since December of 2001, his loss!

Whyte Noise

Senior Member
Denying visitation simply because someone is behind on CS to me isn't right. CJ wants to be a father, but his ex won't let him. All because of the money. Money, money, money. Forget the fact that he loves those girls. Forget the fact that he may not be in the best money situation right now. Forget about the fact that everytime he talks to his girls they want to come stay with him for the weekend. None of that matters. It's all about the benjamins to some people. His ex is one of those. I think that each situation should be judged on their own merits. I don't think you can simply say across the board, "If you don't pay, you don't play." Because some NCP's honestly can't help what's happened. And it doesn't help that in a lot of cases what the court did when they issued that custody order was basically turn a full - time parent into a wallet and a weekend playmate for their children.

Sometimes things happen that are beyond the NCP's control. Getting laid off, their company closing down, having to take a job that paid less than their last one, NOT because they want to but because no one will start you out in an entry level position making $12 an hour or more so that you can keep your CS current since your court order was based on that $12 an hour job.

I don't think it's fair to lump all NCP's into a class called "deadbeat parents". Some are, yes. Some change jobs at the drop of a hat to keep from paying their CS. Some try to hide by running from one place to the next to hold onto that almighty dollar. Those parents, the ones that don't give a damn about supporting those kids, should not be allowed to see them. They don't even deserve the right to be called a parent in my book. It's sad, sorry, and inexcusable in my book. But those that are genuinely (sp?) trying and working whatever job they can find in order to have some kind of money for CSE to take to give to their children, and really trying to support their kids, shouldn't be denied visitation simply because of the fact they are behind. Just my personal opinion, albeit not a popular one. ;)


Senior Member
I agree with MissouriGal, not all NCP's are deadbeats. I also want to make clear to anyone reading, that I have not withheld visitation because my ex hasn't paid, he chooses to not pay or see his children, therefore, he is my deadbeat!:)

I feel awful for those classified as deadbeats when they have been wrongfully denied visitation and they have busted their butts to make ends meet while trying to keep up with their support payments. It isn't right and it ends up proving the justice system can be a great injustice at times.

MG, I would love to hear how things are going, good I hope. Let me know what I can do!

Whyte Noise

Senior Member
ryry's...... get a really big gun, with a really big bullet, and just put me out of my misery....??? Please...?? When it rains..... it pours.....


Senior Member
If I did that who would be my beeyatch? JK! Hey I will send you an email in the morning, hang in there!

p.s. stop talking like that!!!!!!!!:mad:


I agree that visitation shouldn't be withheld if your behind in c/s.It is the kids who are deprived of the relationship with the ncp and they're the ones who get hurt. Some men do fall behind and theres nothing they can do at that time. My hubby is going for a modification this month and will be over $600 behind just because it is retroactive to the begining of Aug. So should his visitation be denied when hes current until the modification? I don't think so.

Whyte Noise

Senior Member
LOL I'm blonde, but I'm not 'toopid'. Just that sometimes it all gets a bit much for a body, ya know? Anyways, I'll be looking for your E-mail.

We now return you to our regularly scheduled thread...... :D :p


Yes we are not all deadbeats. I pay HALF of my take home pay to my ex, $1440 per month, because of poor representation in court and my ignorance. My ex has continued taking me back to court for various issues, complains each time I call or drop off the kids, puts the kids in the middle, and speaks bad of me in fronmt of the kids. These types of Moms should get on with their lives. The statistic that there are 50% dead beat dads, means that here are 50% dads paying their fair share and more.
Thanks so far some of you understood the question. I did not suggest or imply visitation should be with held in the opening statement. Just curious how many ncp are in arreas and doing there vistation and how many don't. How many are current and what they do with there visitation.


I agree visitation shouldn't be denied either, in my case I have denied him one time and that was the week I found out he had a warrant out for his arrest. I was not about to let my children see their father arrested. Other than that, since april he has only asked to see them once. My only thing is I refuse to bring them to him. And the few times he has seen them this year, every single time he has tried to get me to bring them to him. I have no problems with him seeing them, but he is going to be responsible about it. And just for the record, he is over 20K behind in cs. I have actually been receiving cs this past month. yippee!!! I know some people just plain fall on hard times, but my ex is the epitamy of what gives "deadbeat parents" the name "dead beat parents"


Senior Member
really hate those deadbeat parents! they give hubbys ex ammo to play pretend in court! My poor husband is a guy any woman (except his ex LOL) would love to have as an ex!

pays his support on time and in full since day one of divorce, took on all the debt, whenever she needs extra for sports or what have you, he pays. spends an extra couple of hundred on school clothes etc...you get the drill.

But its never enough! "its all about the money with him! he is stingy, he doesnt care she-the ex- has nothing! someday the kids will know how selfish he was" Yadda yadda yadda! this is actual crap she spouted in court when she denied visitation based on the fact she now wanted more control over who the kids were with now that he remarried! she got laughed out of court but she still plays games.

Now my ex WAS a deadbeat, had NO interest in paying, and no interest in seeing. I would have let him because I grew up without a dad, and I think any dad, as long as he is not committing crimes while with the kids, is better than no dad. by the time I was pregnant, I would have to be pretty stupid to say I thought he was going to be a great provider. I think women who think denyng then the right to visit thier kids will make them suddenly upstanding citizens, or only punishes THEM, is kidding themselves. the kid doesnt need to be in the middle of ANY money issues, they shouldn't need to know about money at all! if a parent wants to see them they should see them period! you made a mistake and had a kid with YOUR definition of moron, well your kid loves that moron! (this goes both ways as our CP is OUR definition of moron!and of course my PAYING hubby is HER moron!) For those who say-but my kid hates him too! remember said kid has to live with YOU!

so yes, I would have a very hard time with anyone justifying denial of visitation on finances alone!


"And it doesn't help that in a lot of cases what the court did when they issued that custody order was basically turn a full - time parent into a wallet and a weekend playmate for their children."

How true is that??!?! I have so much guilt over our last custody order...I can't even take support!
My ex and I both had 50/50 custody prior to the last order on Sept 6th. I was awarded primary custody...and there is no way I could take money off of him. Now way! My son is my treasure. He (my ex) has offered 50.00 a week...which is like a 1/4 of what the court asked him to pay. I just asked him to pay for his school lunches. (to make him feel like he is still contributing basically.)

It is different in every situation....
But to answer the original question---
"Question how many of you on this site have deliquent NCP but they still proudly come for there vistation. How many of you have deliquent NCP and they cannot be bothered with any contact basically fell of the earth. Just kinda curious????????"

The answer is my ex is not....my son has a very good father. He is more than just his biological father or NCP. He is a great dad, he is our son's football and baseball coach; he is the one who taught him how to ride his bike, and takes him fishing twice a week during season. I hope he will always come to pick him up for visitation proudly no matter what he pays. And I hope my son will always be proud to go with him on his visitation.


My ex is over 7 months behind in child support. He used to live 4 miles from us, but now live about 30 minutes away. He never comes to see his daughter, nor does he call except once a month maybe. He also has failed to pay court ordered medical and dental bills. I have refused to allow him to take our daughter for his visitation, because he lost his license when he was arrested and pled guilty to DUI, No insurance, open container, and several other offenses. I have repeatedly told him he can come and see her at my home, or I will meet him somewhere. I've let his cousin take her, and his mother (when they bother). I feel that taking a child away from the other parent over money is wrong. However, I also feel that if the penalties for failure to comply to the court order were increased, we wouldn't have so many flat our refusing to help pay for the cost of raising the children. There are so many problems with CSE and the court systems today regarding these matters it's ridiculous. Parents who flat out can't afford the amount ordered are put it in poverty while the other parent lives and easier life. Some parents work several jobs in order to afford to put food in their kids' mouths while the other parent just drops off the face of the earth without a second thought to what their child may be going through without them It's sad, and makes me angry when a person will help to create a new life and then just leave them to fend as best they can and not take responsibility for them.


yes, visitation and CS are two different things.. but they do overlap sometimes. I moved out of state - IN.. we drafted a modification agreement.. between us, not with the court, I pay for the kids to visit him (or him to come here) and he pays reduced CS. He changed jobs, sold house. moved and moved back. not working for 8 months. has not paid CS for over a year. My paitence is waning and I want to go to court to adress the CS issue. His salary went from 30k to $8 an hour. he says I am unfair and should trust him to pay up when he gets a raise. Then he says .. I don't see the kids, why should I pay. Now explain to me why I should buy 2 plane tickets when I receive nothing from him. and BTW - the last time I sent them to FL, they stayed with their grandparents for TWO WEEKS, and he saw them once for lunch. Staying with him was not an option as he was "staying with someone" and the girls did not want to anyway.. So am I unfair to not send them to FL as we agreed? and am I wrong to go and legaly modify the CS and arrears?

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